I Wish…..

Inspired from Smita’s  post

…folks on escalators would realise that they need to stand on one side for others to pass. One stands on right, other stands on left, and I feel as if I am weaving a web when I am walking past them

…folks would stop walking in pairs on narrow stairways. Its such a pain when you are in a hurry and need to get to that train..and here is a pair walking with all the time in the world as if they are going in a garden!

…folks would stop stopping suddenly on staircases and stare at their phones. Thrice in the past week, I have bumped against them, when I am hurrying to get that train and they are walking and STOP they go to check something on their phone!

….folks stop peering into their phones while walking in public places. Apart from the safety aspect, they dont look around and often end up bumping and blocking way!

….folks would stop taking life so seriously and lighten up a little

…people would stop writing off the new Govt without giving them an year’s time. I am sick and tired of reading that they are a failure. Fine. They are. But then at least give them time na!

….I could remember all the subplots in Jaya by Devdutt Pattanaik. I am reading the book currently, but keep forgetting all the subplots he has so superbly presented in it

…I could get a job in the country of my choice. I would go there, settle down and go to work without cribbing eh?

…..I could let go of this guilt everytime I buy something for myself. I went and bought some clothes for myself on Sunday and have been consumed with guilt ever since. Why? I dont know. Its weird. Its not that it was some million dollars or anything. But somehow the guilt hasnt left me!

…..I could understand why MBAs think they are superior to ‘just’ graduates…I know doing a PG is not easy at all, but dont treat us like dirt eh?

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Being Strict is Wrong?

From the drafts, written a few weeks ago and then re-worked on!

Today morning, when I woke up the brat, she got up with a start and said ‘Amma, amma, check my calender’

RM: What happened

R: There was Hindi assignment..

RM: No da, there was a note saying open house tomorrow

R: No, Hindi teacher had given an assignment and I had kept it in first page

The next 5 minutes were spent searching the entire bag, but we couldnt find it!

R got super panicky.

R: Amma, abhi teacher gussa karegi..I promise Amma, I kept in first page, woh kahan gaya..

RM: Its okay day, dont worry, I will write a note and tell teacher you lost it…and you can show her the note and apologise

R: But amma, she will give me punishment

RM: What punishment

R: Stand with your hands on the head

RM: I dont think she will, but if she still does, go on and do it

R: It hurts na Amma

Ah well, this got me thinking. The parenting method now a days seems to frown on the whole punishment thing. I have read many many many articles which say dont punish, talk it out, dont shout, discuss, etc etc.

But as a parent, especially someone who spends very few hours with her child, I must admit, I am the yelling types. I lose my temper easily, I scold her, and yesterday evening when we were sitting for her dictation revision, she said ‘I dont like you Amma, I want another Amma’

I told her to go and get another one

She told me she will speak to her father about it seriously. :)

But as per my mother, I am a pretty laid back mom. She says, I let R get away with a lot of things she wouldnt have let me or bro get away with. Having said that, she did let me know that everyone has a different parenting method and there is really no right or wrong as far as parenting is concerned.

I have been thinking. Do all children really understand discussing, talking, making eye contact, or do some children respond only to strict discipline? My MIL has always told me that I let R take too many decisions on her own – What to wear, whether to drink milk in the morning or not, etc etc.

RD does sometimes tell me, that we have given her too much freedom! May be we have, I dont know.

But I digress.

My point is with teachers. Should teachers be strict? What is the limit they can go to?

My mother confesses she was a very strict teacher. The one who would just have to go and stand on the stage during assembly and there would be pin drop silence just as she stood there. But she was also the one who was most loved. A lot of children have come back to school just to meet her and thank her. When Amma started her career, she has even whacked some kids for indiscipline, until the rule came in that teachers cant hit students. She admits she has scolded children and shouted at them and given punishment like sit alone, or stand on the bench, or something in those lines.

But she had one rule. Before the day ended, she would go to that child, talk to the child politely, tell the kid why she thought he/she were wrong and then make friends with the kid before sending the kid back home.

She always always did it.

This Teacher’s day, apparently a student of her’s called her (He got her number from some other teacher). Amma couldnt really place him but he insisted that she would remember him because he had been shouted at and punished a lot of time by her. Finally Amma could place him. He told her, ‘Ma’am, you have scolded me so much, I was so bad in studies, but one thing which you always told us in the class so many times is that ‘Nothing is impossible in this world if you try really hard’ and yes I realised it because I am doing my computer engineering from a prestigious college now. My parents still cant believe that I am doing this course. But all thanks to you. What you told us in every lecture got drilled into me so much that I have realised, truely nothing is impossible’ Amma told me this on the phone the other day :)

When I had gone for R’s first open house, the Hindi teacher had confessed that she was a strict teacher and would be strict to the children. At that time, all the parents said, yes yes be strict, our children need strict teachers. etc etc. (now that they are cribbing about it, is a different issue!)

So how do teachers discipline students? Do they shout, do they ignore, do they give small punishments, or do they be really really strict? Handling 40 to 45 kids in a class is no joke, especially those who are young. Should children fear their teachers? Or should they act super friendly with the students? Should teachers be allowed to give punishment to children, or should they use the current parenting methods of trying to be firm and yet loving?

I dont know. How do teachers do it now a days?

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Of Game Names!

Yesterday evening, RD picked up R from the daycare, and since her friends were downstairs, the two of them stayed down and R played.

R came up. We did the usual fight of having a bath, drinking water fast, needing to eat dinner so that we can go to sleep fast yaada yaada.

As we were finishing dinner, I asked R, ‘What did you play downstairs today?’

R: Potty sitting

RM: WHAT???

R: Arey amma woh potty sitting wala game

RM: What kind of game is that??? (At this time all kinds of weird thoughts came to my mind and I was ready to strangle RD for not keeping an eye on her)

R: Arey Amma, woh game hota hai na..where you sit down in a line and then one person runs and everyone else catches that person..and then one person comes and says ‘po-po’

RM: What?

R: Arey Amma, you know its funny, everyone kept saying po-po….

I now literally bang my head against the wall.

RM: You mean, kho-kho?

R: yes yes…amma that one only

RM: toh potty sitting kyun bol rahe ho usko..

R: arey like we sit on the potty na..in eastern toilets..something like that only we were sitting na..thats why..

RM: !!!!!

I give up. Really, give up!

 

*Eastern Toilets means Indian toilets. Since we call the other ones Western Toilets, she calls the Indian ones as Eastern Toilets *eye roll*

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Life in Pictures

Sometimes, I realise that I am really bad as a mom in terms of capturing my child’s life in pictures. Also, that RD, R and I, all three of us, hate getting ourselves clicked. We need to have  a really good reason to be in a picture. Which is not good, if you want to actually sit in your old age and want to relive memories.

Scribby told me once that ‘I am not clicking pictures, I am creating memories’ when she clicked pics of R and me when we met up :) I agree to her, but still the whole point of clicking pics somehow gets lost in our family! RD was pretty impressed by the pics which Hitchy clicked (He clicked really awesome ones..like the professional photographers, so much that R loves seeing them again and again!) and wants to invest in a DSLR camera. I am wondering if its worth the money spent, especially for our family.

Anyways, sometimes we do capture pictures on a whim on the mobile phone. And here they are :)

We are helping out Amma every Friday night and Saturday night with the patrams! And doing a decent job as well :)

We are helping out Amma every Friday night and Saturday night with the patrams! And doing a decent job as well :)

Apart from watching TV by the hour, we also spend some time painting what Vidya aunty gave us :)

Apart from watching TV by the hour, we also spend some time painting what Vidya aunty gave us :)

When we go out, we insist that Appa stands right at the bottom of the slide to pick us up before our clothes get dirty!

When we go out, we insist that Appa stands right at the bottom of the slide to pick us up before our clothes get dirty!

We insist Amma draws the kolam, but we add all the flowers to it. (Side note: I just did the outline, the brat actually did the entire pookolam by herself for Onam!)

We insist Amma draws the kolam, but we add all the flowers to it. (Side note: I just did the outline, the brat actually did the entire pookolam by herself for Onam!)

We insist Amma makes a mini Onam Sadya after seeing Monika aunty and Vimmuuu uncle's Onam Sadyas..so Amma comes up with Payasam, Avial, Sambhar, Achar, Rice, Ghee and chips :)

We insist Amma makes a mini Onam Sadya after seeing Monika aunty and Vimmuuu uncle’s Onam Sadyas..so Amma comes up with Payasam, Avial, Sambhar, Achar, Rice, Ghee and chips :)

Amma uses left over coconut to make some yummy coconut ladoos. We just roll them, but dont eat them!!!

Amma uses left over coconut to make some yummy coconut ladoos. We just roll them, but dont eat them!!!

We decide to bake a cake on the day we come back early from daycare, (Amma has the option of letting me watch TV otherwise!!!) So we take a simple chocolate cake from the IMC book week which Deeps aunty gave, do all the ratio proportion which Amma reads out and then bake the cake! It was yummmmmm

We decide to bake a cake on the day we come back early from daycare, (Amma has the option of letting me watch TV otherwise!!!) So we take a simple chocolate cake from the IMC book week which Deeps aunty gave, do all the ratio proportion which Amma reads out and then bake the cake! It was yummmmmm

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So Amma Is the Villian

Today is Teacher’s Day. R’s school had declared a holiday today and they had extra class tomorrow. Then suddenly, yesterday evening they sent a note saying that there is school today and no extra class tomorrow. In short, total confusion in the already confused R family.

We had to send some decorations and a card with the kids for the teacher’s day activity. Thankfully the lovely Summerscript had sent a kit to R on her birthday which I worked on yesterday and made some basic designs for her to stick on a card. I worked hard yesterday night spending an hour and a half on that.

Anyways, that done, we were all set.

Today I get a call from her daycare teacher saying R doesnt want to go to school.

RM: WHAT!

Teacher:She says all her daycare friends have leave in their schools so she doesnt want to go. Plus we have celebrations here in daycare as well so she is having fun!

RM: Give her the phone

R: Amma, please

RM: no da you have to go…etc etc etc

Major crying session takes place. Her teacher gets super bugged at me, saying that if she doesnt want to go let her be. I try to explain to her teacher about the celebrations in her school as well. Plus her school is off the first 3 days of next week, so a lot of homework, yaada yaada….

Teacher: Errr..RM, you know what she is saying..

RM: What

Teacher: She is telling me ‘Teacher, thats why I told you to call my Appa. My Amma will never let me take a day off from school. If you had called up Appa, he would have said yes immediately’

Sigh! now you know Amma is a villian
PS – The brat did go to school. I convinced her about her school friends giving cards to the teacher but she wont be able to give.

PS1 – RD called her up and spoke to her and she told him that Amma is like that only..

PS2 – I can officially retire as a parent soon eh?

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Yesterday Night!

We got really late going home yesterday. RD had warned me in the morning that he will be late from work, so I had to pick up R. Unfortunately, struggling to get a rick from the station to the brat’s daycare took me a while and by the time we reached home it was 8. R pleaded to me to let her play down for 10 minutes, so I went up.

We had missed our househelp and all, but R and I had been wanting to eat chilly cheese toast for a long time. So I prepared for that and went down to get R. I was a bit tired with all the travel and all, but R proved to be an exemplary child yesterday.

She came up without a fight, we didnt even have our usual evening argument, she took a bath by herself, changed her clothes, took out the clothes from the machine, helped me hang them, fold yesterday’s clothes and even keep her clothes inside her shelf. All this without me asking her to do so!!! And then she helped me wash the patrams and also keep them in the shelf…Okay big kala tikka to this because its not going to happen often..

Meantime RD called up and informed that he will be really late. May be come in only at 1 or 2 AM.

Anyways, so we go to sleep after this, reading her usual quota of three books etc etc.

Then I get up at about 12.50, suddenly remembering that I need to take R to the loo. I wake her up. But before that, I call up RD asking when he is coming. He is said he will come to me soon. I keep the phone down and get back to waking up R. I take her to the loo and then come out to shut the bathroom door and then I see there is a light beneath the closed door of the bedroom. I am very sure that I had shut off all the lights before we went to sleep since RD was going to be so late. I try and peer from beneath the small gap of the door if I can see the thieves. But I cant see anyone. My heart is thudding. I dont want to scare R, so let her drift back to sleep.

By now my mouth is dry and I am wondering how I can stop the intruders. I dont have any weapon in the bedroom when I suddenly remember R’s chair and the mosquito bat. But how do I stop them from hurting R?

I quickly decide the best way for me to escape is to lock the bedroom door from inside and then pretend to go back to sleep. This has to be a bad dream. And to be honest, the previous night, Pixie had made me read Sid’s story on Indireads  (Go read it, its awesome!) which just added to my already vivid imagination.

It didnt strike me once that I had my phone and could have called RD. I just went near R, hug her tight and then pulled the bedsheet over our heads and didnt really breathe.

In 3 minutes there was a loud on the door. I am now in terror. The door pounds again. R gets a bit disturbed.

And then I hear the reassuring sound of the man I married.

RM, RM he called from outside.

My hero, I thought getting up, he must have combated the intruders by himself. As I opened the door, I realised wait a minute, he is no hero.

RD: Why did you lock the bedroom door?

RM: It was you kya?

RD: What was me?

RM: The lights about 10 minutes ago, it was you isnt it

RD: yaa, who else rey

RM: but..but…I thought it was thieves

RD was dumbstruck for a moment…theives?? he asked in the most astonished tone

RM: arey chor chor

RD: But RM, why would thieves come in and switch on all the lights of the house???

Well, it was only the love of the 8.5 years of marriage which stopped me from banging his head against the door..I mean really, here is your wife all tensed and worked up and scared and you are being practical!!!! Tell me, which man, can be so practical in life Gah!

After we lay down, I asked him

RM: Wait, you were at home when I called you werent you?

RD *sheepishly* yes

RM: Hmmm

RD: I didnt tell you because I was sticking the pictures in R’s Hindi book. She needs it tomorrow na. I thought let me finish sticking and then get to sleep so that she doesnt have to take tension about it. But if I had told you on the phone that I was already home, you would have got disturbed and come out and told me to do it later on and all that. So I thought let me just finish it before sleeping.
Okay, for all you folks wanting to go Awwwww…now is the moment!

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You Know You Are a Second Born

Sanch wrote a really funny but perceptive post on being first born

And inspired by her post, here is a second born’s reply to that

1. Constant Comparison: As second borns, you are expected to follow the first born. There is a constant comparison. Even if your parents dont make it, others will. Always.

I remember when I entered class 8. Bro has been this ideal model child at school with impeccable manners and known everywhere as the boy who could always been depended upon.

Enter his younger sister who is a back bencher, talkative brat whose favorite activity is to trouble teachers.

A teacher actually asked me astonished ‘You are RMB’s sister…really really? You have the same set of parents…how???”

2. Hand me downs - A second born always gets some hand me downs. One way or the other. In my case, I had a brother whose school books would look EXACTLY the same at the end of the year as they would at the start. He was really really good in keeping his books neat and clean. Which of course meant that three years down the line, I would get his books. They would be without any scribbles, neatly covered and absolutely new looking. But but…for a kid, they were not new eh?

Well I must admit by the time one month passed into the school session, the books would resemble a rat which had been really bitten badly from all sides giving a whole new meaning to the term dog eared!

One of my friends, one day actually told me, Really really RM, how how exactly do you manage to keep your books like this and yet study!

3. Example set: When you are a second born, the first born is an example to everything you do. Right from writing neatly to joining the right course to study!!! You always always have someone telling you ‘see your older sibling, why cant you be more like him/her’

4. Never know what is being a lone child: your older sibling has the advantage of knowing what is is to be a lone child. You know the constant pampering, every wish catered to, yaada yaada..but you are born with a sibling..always…all your life!

5. The milestones recorded: The time your older sibling rolled over is recorded in the baby book or in the parents memory for ever, but ask anyone about what month you really turned over and you will get a reply ranging from 3.5 months to 8.5 months and 32 days and 22 minutes afterwards!!! no one really remembers what you did when..lost your tooth..acha okay throw it in the dustbin or put it under that tree...but for the first born it would have been oh my God, my kid lost his/her first tooth and all that!!!

Having said this, I must admit that I have never for a moment felt that my parents ever differentiated between my older brother and me. He did what I did and I did what he did. Right from cleaning wash basins to dusting furniture etc etc. Of course, he had an advantage of a headstart, but I was always the kid in a hurry to catch up too soon. I am sure he will agree to a lot of stuff that Sanch has written, because its after all, the story of his life :)

When my first child turned out to be a girl, a lot of folks told me its good, because if I have another kid, I will be lucky as the girl will take proper care of my second child yaada yaada.

Folks who dont know my brother. My brother has done everything from cleaning my bum when I was a wee little infant to combing my hair to taking me in the peak sun double seat in his cycle to standing outside my dance class for an hour every alternate day because I wouldnt let him in. Everything. :)

But then, I am just plain lucky eh?

Second borns, anything to add to my list?

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