Yep. That is me! Trust me, I don’t know how I end up in such situations..Its like I am a weird situations attracting magnet!
So RD is away and I agree with my dance teacher to give a 3.45 minutes performance..Firstly, that is stupid! If there is no one around to take care of a 2 year old tornado..you should just not agree to things, eh? But no, I thought I could do it all…I learnt my lesson the hard way!
First it was the practice..Since it was three of us doing it, coordination was important..and for every practice I took R2, she managed to do something or the other, which was not really appropriate..but let us leave that to it..
On the D day, last Sunday, my teacher and the other lady who was dancing with us, told me to take it easy and come by 11 AM..Actually, I believe they were just too polite to tell me not to get R2 early, because they were too scared to have her around as they were dressing up!
So I reach at 11…the dressing up is crazy…We are late…and R2 decides to jump on the bed, get some juice on the floor, eat sultanas and hide them under places where no human hand except a 2 year old’s can reach..and all that..R is doing her best to take care of R2..but really what can a poor 8 year old do in front of a 2 year old whose sole aim in life to ensure her mother loses all her hair by the time she turns 40!
We are late..my make up is a bit..ahem! lets not worry about that..I am not the make up person anyway..I tell the others that I will meet them at the venue…Have you ever driven in a saree, with a full Bharatanatyam hairdo? Well, if you have, then I salute you…Because I did that, I went crazy..
First, putting R2 into the car seat…it is like a battle..I can feel my saree coming off from the side..but I pretend all is well..I am ready to spank R2 who is holding up her tummy and screaming at the top of her voice, so that I cannot belt her down..I have a bag full of food, a bag full of ghunghurus and a jacket and…don’t ask..R manages to calm R2 down..and I get into the car..
At 14 C, I am sweating, my eyes are watering and I am ready to drive away and never return..
I reach the venue…There is no parking. I call my teacher. She says, they have special parking for the performers..Where? She does not know! I give up.
R is saying Amma park park park..I am like but where…
R: Amma, I am bursting
Me: R I TOLD YOU TO USE THE TOILET AT TEACHER’S HOUSE
R: too late ma, I am bursting just park somewhere..
I drive around, searching for both a parking and a toilet..I get the former. Get R2 down from the seat, who is busy looking at how many stones are underneath the car. Now carrying R2 in my waist is out of question, because I am decked in full Bharatanatyam jewellery and I am already feeling my saree coming off…BTW when you wear saree for dance, you wear it 3/4th with a pjyama or tights underneath..which looks great on stage but definitely looks weird if you are walking on the street..
But hey, who cares..all I want now is a toilet…I search and search and find the coordinator who directs me to the toilet which is on the OTHER SIDE of the lawn…R is running, I am carrying three bags in one hand and pulling R2 with the other hand, who is now busy trying to find twigs which are the same size as her finger!
I am literally dragging her while R is running around like a headless chicken trying to find the toilet..Ammaaaa….I am bursting she says at regular intervals…
A man looks at me in pity and directs R to the toilet…Imagine a lady wearing a 3/4 th saree, decked to the brim, carrying three ugly looking bags and dragging a toddler with her who clearly has her priorities set elsewhere…well, you can burst into laughter NOW!
R manages to get into the toilet in time..and then R2 decides she wants to wash her hands…which is a good habit, except when your mom is wearing a saree, and has jewellery all over her…I lift R2, who instantly digs her hand into my necklace and pulls it so hard, that I can feel it creaking at the back..its not even my necklace..its my teacher’s and it cant break eh?
Anyways, I somehow, manage to get R2 to a friend (who came in like God! thanks G, you are the bestest!) and wait for the performance..
Now, folks who have seen me, know that I wear soda bottle glasses…I am practically blind without them..But honestly, in dance, its just better to take them out..not only for aesthetic reasons, but also because if you jump, your glasses may fall off, eh? The big advantage, of course, is that I can not see the audience, which means, I dance as if there is no one around, hehe!
So, as the performance starts, I say the speech and then start to dance…and I HAVE MY GLASSES ON! I can see everyone..darn darn darn!
So as my next involves me sitting down and falling on Mother Earth’s feet (we are doing a Pushapanjali) I do a Rajnikanth and remove my glasses and lay them on the grass, hoping the other two ladies do not step on them…I am smart enough to leave them near the flowers so that they can see it distinctly..I can see people laughing and smiling..Hey , a girl got to do, what a girl got to do eh?
After the performance, I send the video to RD.
RD’s reaction: ARE YOUR GLASSES BROKEN? ARE THEY OK?
Seriously man, your wife just finished a 3.45 minute performance, and all you care about is her glasses..I mean, really!
Trust me, such things happen only to me..whether its running after R2, getting a toilet for R or dancing with my glasses on the grass, I have done it all!