Of Being Without A Job!

When RD got this offer to work for a few years in Tasmania, one of the things which we agreed as a couple was that we accompany him. As parents to girls who were 7.5 years and 1.25 years, we did believe they needed to grow up with their father and I agreed to quit my job. 

When I was in Bombay, to be honest, I was elated. After 12 years of working non stop without a break, the whole idea of not working appealed me so much, that I put down my papers in my company without a further thought. I thought maybe Icould study further (something I always wanted to do) or just be at home with my girls.

Then we came here and took some time settling in. After a couple of months, I confess, I realised, I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I miss my pay cheque the most. The fact that there is no constant money into the family from my end started making me this really horrible, nasty and negative person.

RD tried everything to make me realise that my contributions were more than what I kept undermining. 

I also realised that for me being financially independent was more important than anything else. Its just the way I am. Unfortunately, no matter what I do, I cant change myself. 

The industry where I worked for so many years,practically does not exist in Tasmania. Which means getting a job is a big deal. I dont qualify in some jobs since I havent stayed in Aus for long enough. In short, for me to get a job is a challenge. Also since we came down to one salary, with a home loan and stuff back in India, I realised having a second salary would just make things easier.

By the third month, I fell into some kind of a depression. Thats when the blog went private. I thought I wasnt working so I wont have anything to write about (Thats so stupid really!) I was jealous of folks changing jobs and talking about increments.

My mom, dad, RD and even R, kept telling me it really does not matter and I should take a break. Added the fact that daycares are super expensive here, keeping R2 in daycare would mean I needed a certain salary which covered the daycare costs to say the least.

I tried looking for online options, but to be honest, I was not very successful.

Studying further was also not a very good option because I am still counted as an international student and the uni fees are pretty exorbitant. Also with R2 around full time, studying is tough! 

Then one fine day, when I realised that this negativity was taking me, no where and all I was doing is making life miserable for my loved ones, I decided that its okay. We got this opportunity to live in a beautiful place and let us make the most of it. 

Does that mean I am happy not having a job? The answer, truthfully, is no. I would still love to have a job. But does this mean that I am willing to take one day at a time and enjoy it? The answer is yes. 
I spoke to a few close blogger friends (you all know who you are :)) and they gave me such sane advice. I cant thank God enough for giving me a set of virtual friends who make me feel so positive in life.

On a side note, the kind of emails, messages and love that have poured in when I reopened this blog, has been so overwhelming that I get choked up just reading and realising that I am loved by so many (Okay that was super emotional but honestly this love makes me so much more positive)

I have decided to keep trying for a job. The day I get it, I will be shouting over the rooftops. But until I get it, I am going to enjoy life. See R2 remove the patrams from the shelf and plonk herself inside tha shelf. See R snuggle next to the fire on the couch and giggle to herself while reading Malory Towers. Cook like there is no tomorrow and make the spouse my favorite taster. Look at little things in life which make it so much more wonderful 🙂

I will get a job eventually. I am sure. Some things I realised that

1. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. Thats the way I am.

2. Being positive brings happiness. Being negative just makes things worse for everyone.

3. Staying with a toddler full time is a very very very difficult job. 

So till I get a job, I just relax, play, cook and learn to light the fireplace 🙂

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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41 Responses to Of Being Without A Job!

  1. The Bride says:

    You articulated something I have always felt. I figured out pretty fast that I could not be primary caretaker of kids 24/7, but yeah, also the money thing. If I don’t have my own income stream, I’m insecure.

  2. You’re in Tassie and I had no idea!!! Dude we need to exchange numbers and talk. Totally get brig depressed when you’re not working especially after you’ve done it so long. If you ever one to Sydney let me know. Or we can plan a Meetup somehow.

  3. I hear you RM, I am of a similar nature, being without a job makes me negative and insecure.

    But until you get one, enjoy the time with your lovelies 🙂 Best wishes 🙂

  4. Shraddha says:

    RM… I’m so so happy to read your posts again… I have read all the new posts twice 😀 That’s how much I missed your writing!

    Enjoy the change while it lasts… not many get an opportunity to step out of routine and live a different life… make the most of this time with kids, with yourself… do something new which you were unable to do coz of the regular job-home routine…

    Cheers!
    Shraddha

  5. Smita says:

    For all the gyaan I give I think I fall in your category only! But yes the only difference would be I would pull myself into negativity!!! But then you have pulled yourself out & just stay that away.

    Smile & enjoy!

  6. Boomerang says:

    Words of wisdom!! Tell me about paychecks.. my hubby transferred some amount to my account every month on the payday, to keep me from lamenting!! This is a phase, enjoy till it lasts!

  7. MR says:

    One day at a time. I’m like that i cannot cannot cannot be without a paycheck. i dont know if its some kind of insecurity but i have to work . I also cannot stay home with little kids full time, it drives me nuts, i have no patience and cant stand it. but i love my kids 🙂 thank god they are all grown up. you will get a job, int he meantime stay current, enjoy day by day and talk to like minded friends to keep your spirits up. all will get well.

  8. Maddie says:

    Strangely I have been calmly staying at home for the past six years. But yes, I do miss that income, the freedom and I still feel that I have to “ask” my husband before I buy something. Though that is not the case, it is only all in my mind. I’m struck with inertia at finding a job and I swing extremely from one end at being a SAHM and working mom. I do hope you find a way to make it work when you eventually get a job there. No matter what else, economic freedom and independence is something that all women should have. Everything else will fall into place.

  9. raji says:

    Write a book R’s Mom. With an easy writing style that you have, you will be a great author. I know i would buy your book first day. These days it is super easy to publish your book in amazon.

  10. freakyveggie says:

    I have been through this phase twice RM, being irritated and frustrated and depressed of having to stay with out a flow of income, after having used to work for so long.
    But then I realised some breaks are essential to not miss the personal front, and started enjoying the breaks.
    So have a nice break and enjoy as long as you can 😊

  11. Nithvin says:

    Oh man! Actually when one fine day I realised your blog had become a private one, I was wondering what happened to you.. Finally thought it might be too intrusive to ask ..
    But good that you are taking it positive now.. Enjoy this while you can 🙂

  12. I often think about quitting my job. At this point in our life we do have that luxury to do so. But then I am not sure how I will take it.

    Thanks for sharing this post.

  13. My Era says:

    {Hugs}
    I have been through this kind of a grumpy negative phase and I know exactly how it feels. Love your positivity RM. I hope things will fall in place soon & you will get a job suiting your needs in sometime. Till then stay positive and do all you love 🙂

  14. Deboshree says:

    All the best to you! I could relate to a lot of what you said. I really wish things work out well for everyone involved 🙂

  15. Every single thought that you have written here – I went through them all last year. Which is why I ” I wasn’t working so I wont have anything to write about” – started and not a single post was put up. It was DreamyMommy who kept pushing me to do it. I did not even do the annual blogathon!

    Like you said, enjoy cooking – I tried a lot of new things too and made guinea pigs of the husband and the inlaws while they were here 😀

  16. Sangitha says:

    So glad to see your blog back – just catching up, as usual, late to the party. Being around for your second one is pretty special, please don’t discount that and your contribution is way more than your paycheck. You know that.

    More than the money, it is the being out and about, meeting other adults and such that keeps you positive. Sure, the money helps but you’re talking to a teacher here, money will never be a part of my equation. Ever. The day they actually start paying teachers….

    Anyways, have you considered MOOCs to get current with skills? Many universities, US universities included, have courses very close to the ones they run in their classrooms online and for a really low fee, you will get a certificate as well. Many universities in the US are using these courses to cut down their high tuition, getting undergrad students to go through these for their basics. Check out EdX, Coursera, et al. Both the kids did courses – one of writing and the other in cell biology. And I did my whole RBT course some 40 hours online. Worth trying it out.

  17. Suma says:

    Hi RM, happy to see your blog is no more private one. I was wondering what happened to you,
    maybe I was thinking you had blocked few readers, but yesterday when I opened your blog all working fine with so many posts! I missed reading your posts. Chalo..let me read all the posts.

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