Letter to My Daughters – Marriage

Dear R and R2,

Let me tell you that marriage is extremely over rated. Many of us and our earlier generations were brought up thinking its the ultimate aim in a girl’s life. But trust me, it isn’t. Being married doesn’t mean you have achieved success in life, ok?

So if both you girls dont want to marry, I am okay with that. Folks will tell you that you need a companion in old age and who better than a spouse. But honestly I feel friends are a good substitute too. And whats the guarantee that your spouse will live as long as you do, eh?

Having made it clear that I have no expectations that you get married, but still if you girls are gung-ho about marriage – I would request you to do a love marriage. I think its way better than going through an arranged marriage where you marry the family more than marrying the guy!

There are a number of benefits to it.
1. We dont have to search guys for you. Phew!

2. You can pick and choose a guy from a different region which means I get to eat yummy food for every festival celebrated. And if you pick a guy from a different nationality even better. We get to eat a completely different unique kind of food everytime we meet.

3. You can actually spend some time with the guy and observe his mannerisms before you agree to marry him.
– Check how nice he is to people like the waiters and rick wallahs and folks from the economically lower strata than yours. If he is polite and nice and cordial and respectful to them, it means grab him!

– Go to his house a number of times. Observe if he treats his mother with respect. More importantly whether picks up his glass after coffee or plate after dinner and washes it and keeps it in its place in the shelf. Ah! Ok you can leave out the keeping in shelf part..thats pushing it too far eh?

Whether he cooks simple meals letting his parents rest for a while. All these to ensure that he has been trained enough to help you out after marriage

– Take him out on picnics with your family with folks who have young kids. See how he engages and interacts with the kids. That will tell you whether you are going to get any support at all if and when your child is born.

– See if he surprises you with a vada pav or egg roll. That will definitely hold more value than jewels or or cardsvor flowers in the long run. Trust me on that one!

4. Despite these checks if things dont work out between you guys, be brave to walk out. Its better to live a few months in agony than a lifetime of misery!!

Remember girls, marriage is a give and take relationship. Give  and take equally. Whoever tells you otherwise is lying.

Enjoy being with your spouse and make him your friend. A friend is more fun to spend your life with!

Set expectations and give him space, but not so much that you live your life like two wheels of a car barely meeting. Dont interfere but definitely get involved.

More on this later

Loads of love
Amma