Letter to My Daughters – Marriage

Dear R and R2,

Let me tell you that marriage is extremely over rated. Many of us and our earlier generations were brought up thinking its the ultimate aim in a girl’s life. But trust me, it isn’t. Being married doesn’t mean you have achieved success in life, ok?

So if both you girls dont want to marry, I am okay with that. Folks will tell you that you need a companion in old age and who better than a spouse. But honestly I feel friends are a good substitute too. And whats the guarantee that your spouse will live as long as you do, eh?

Having made it clear that I have no expectations that you get married, but still if you girls are gung-ho about marriage – I would request you to do a love marriage. I think its way better than going through an arranged marriage where you marry the family more than marrying the guy!

There are a number of benefits to it.
1. We dont have to search guys for you. Phew!

2. You can pick and choose a guy from a different region which means I get to eat yummy food for every festival celebrated. And if you pick a guy from a different nationality even better. We get to eat a completely different unique kind of food everytime we meet.

3. You can actually spend some time with the guy and observe his mannerisms before you agree to marry him.
– Check how nice he is to people like the waiters and rick wallahs and folks from the economically lower strata than yours. If he is polite and nice and cordial and respectful to them, it means grab him!

– Go to his house a number of times. Observe if he treats his mother with respect. More importantly whether picks up his glass after coffee or plate after dinner and washes it and keeps it in its place in the shelf. Ah! Ok you can leave out the keeping in shelf part..thats pushing it too far eh?

Whether he cooks simple meals letting his parents rest for a while. All these to ensure that he has been trained enough to help you out after marriage

– Take him out on picnics with your family with folks who have young kids. See how he engages and interacts with the kids. That will tell you whether you are going to get any support at all if and when your child is born.

– See if he surprises you with a vada pav or egg roll. That will definitely hold more value than jewels or or cardsvor flowers in the long run. Trust me on that one!

4. Despite these checks if things dont work out between you guys, be brave to walk out. Its better to live a few months in agony than a lifetime of misery!!

Remember girls, marriage is a give and take relationship. Give  and take equally. Whoever tells you otherwise is lying.

Enjoy being with your spouse and make him your friend. A friend is more fun to spend your life with!

Set expectations and give him space, but not so much that you live your life like two wheels of a car barely meeting. Dont interfere but definitely get involved.

More on this later

Loads of love
Amma

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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44 Responses to Letter to My Daughters – Marriage

  1. Deboshree says:

    Quite a letter this. šŸ™‚ Loved your points.

  2. I am sitting here smiling at the way you pour out lovely advice in the most humorous way possible! Girls, listen to your amma here.

  3. Divya says:

    Beautiful 2R’s mom. Both are super lucky to have you as mum!

  4. Beautiful post, RM! šŸ™‚

    I beg to disagree on one point here, though. I think arranged marriages can be as good as love marriages, too. I don’t mean the typical arranged marriages where the guy and girl don’t even get to meet each other before the wedding day. Today, in arranged marriages too, the boy and girl are given an equal opportunity to meet each other and their families a number of times, talk their heart out, go out and do just about everything. I have seen a number of wonderful matches being made in arranged marriages. Adjustment with the family will be there, in case of arranged or love marriages.

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  6. Deepa says:

    Don’t interfere but def. get involved eh?!! Now why didn’t someone wise like you tell me that before. Like much, much before. Am off to implement that pronto now…

    On a more serious note hope you’ve been enjoying Baby no. 2 aka princess no. 2 and a very very HNY to all four of you. Wow, four of you now eh but your girls still outnumber poor hubby:-)

    Good one on the marriage part but you know atleast in India where I come from love marriage shiv marriage, it don’t matter, you still marry “The Family”:-) There’s something I add to my son lately(who of course like all 10 year old males in the world do has declared he will never marry, will forever and forever be living with me even though I don’t want him to and will always love me and only me) that he should live in with the girl he’s in love with for a bit before he gets married and wow thats the biggie for good ole prude me.

    Best to you in 2015 R’s mum, Write more.

  7. Loved it. Could relate to each point. Reblogging it for my girls. šŸ™‚

  8. Love the post and it’s shows not only your love for the daughters but share with them how to be themselves. Respect.

  9. greenboochi says:

    Super super super one šŸ™‚

  10. Priyanka says:

    There should be a like button šŸ™‚ or a pin it .. have been a silent reader..
    Congrats for R2..life is going to be one roller coaster ride now

  11. Sid says:

    Wow! The perfect letter, RM. Stay blessed.

  12. choxbox says:

    Brill šŸ™‚

  13. Varsh says:

    Been here after a long time…and wow…there’s R2 now! How old is she? Congratulations!!:D
    Great advice to the girls R…useful and very thorough šŸ˜‰

  14. Hmmm…now I know what to train my son for šŸ˜‰

    On a serious note-I love the points on “give and take” and on being friends…

  15. Prachee says:

    Gud one RM
    though I wud suggest going for a live-in relationship altogether…marriage is marrying a family only..(atleast in India)..and you cannot change rules there…*sigh*. But all in all…its a good deal..if you are lucky to find that *perfect* match šŸ˜‰

  16. Rachna says:

    Such a lovely letter. Thoroughly loved reading it. I keep telling my sons that they will have to fend for themselves. I ain’t doing no matchmaking. After all, I fended for myself too and didn’t do that bad. šŸ™‚ Hope you are doing well and that the little one is doing good.

  17. sonal26 says:

    Well said! Marriage isn’t for everyone and not the end of life.

  18. Violet says:

    Loving your letters to the kids.. these are exactly the same points I would raise with my daughter. So thanks for saving the effort, I can perhaps just flick your posts and paste them on my blog šŸ˜€

  19. Lived reading this. How are u doing ?

  20. psharmarao says:

    sharing this on Women Bloggers Network on FB as one of my favourite recent reads,the whole series is amazing.

  21. Pingback: Indian Moms Connect | Letter to daughters

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