Dear Next Person…..

Dear Next Person who tells us ‘Oh! Second one also girl’

Really I dont know how to respond to you. Whether you are that priest who told RD that ‘the third one will be a boy’ or that granddad downstairs who told me that ‘koi baat nahi beta! Kya kar sakte hain. Bhagwan ki den samajh ke bada kar lo’ (its okay. You cant do anything. Consider her a gift from God and take care of her)

Ah well! Okay thanks. But we do consider all children gifts from God and no, we arent planning another kid. No money you see!

Dear Next Person who expresses sadness over the fact that I had  a C Sec

Really, its ok. Yes, I was working till a week before I delivered. I cleaned my bathroom the day before R2 was born and I managed to wash all the vessels after breakfast on the day she was born. Yet,I had a c sec. It wasnt planned. I was already deep into labour when the baby’s heart beat fell drastically and the gynac had no choice but to do an emergency c sec as the umbilcal cord wound around R2’s neck.

But really stop acting as if its the world’s greatest tragedy. First one was normal then this should have been easier no? I dont know really. And I dont care. Yes I have a paunch that refuses to go but I had it even after R’s delivery. I am really sick and tired of the negative comments about C sec. Its over. Done. Now pls dont express any sorrow.

Dear Next pPerson who tells me that R2 is so fair and looks at R with a sad face

For heavens sake! Dont say that in front of my elder one. She is already suffering from a complex and on top of that these comments. I dont know when we will get over this complexion craze in India.

Amma why did God make R2 fair and me so dark is a question I have been getting almost everyday. Every child is unique I tell her. You have big eyes and dimples. You are different that I am….etc etc. I am trying to get rid of this complexion thing from her brains and you folks are just not making it easier!!!!

Dear Me

I should really learn how to blog from the phone..getting on to the computer is a feat with an infant in tow!!

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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87 Responses to Dear Next Person…..

  1. Bikramjit says:

    WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

    How did i miss , Now i really know for a fact that you hate me 😦 .. fine so be it ..

    I missed a lot of things being inactive on blogging front..

    CONGRATULATIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs
    yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy PARTY time now its double excuse to turn up at your doorstep when i land in india

    and hey here is a MANTRA for all such people “IGNORE”

  2. Oh didnt know ..so happy for you and your family Rs mom.. Hearty congrats !!!

    To hell with anyone who gives you such petty comments on fairness , C section or girl child. Ask those prople ‘ Cmon grow up!!’

  3. smdeea11 says:

    Why do people have to poke their nose and hurt others! And I am sure that these are the same bunch of people who consider girls as goddess during navratri and a burden rest of the days.
    I refused to see my new born’s face because he was a boy. Only I know how badly I wanted a daughter.

  4. That fairness comment is something that people will be bombarded with, in India. So it maybe better to get used to it and grow strong enough to ignore the comment instead of trying to avoid the exposure.

  5. Double Inverted Commas says:

    First things first, big big big congratulations to you!!!! As my husband says, “daughters are a joy to have” 🙂
    As far as R is concerned, just a suggestion that my mother applied when I came into this world: she told my elder sis that I was her baby… Hers to take care of and love… Not feel threatened or jealous of…the result was that i had two mothers growing up 🙂

  6. Yay!! You are back on the blog. 🙂

    People, I tell you! They have been making life hell for me too, with their unsolicited advice. Just learn to ignore. Act according to your gut feelings. You have to, for the sake of your sanity.

    I have been receiving advice about the girl child and the C-section too. One comment was – ‘First child is a girl. It should have been a boy. What if the second is also a girl? You will have two girls then?’. And I was like – ‘What can I do?’

  7. Visha says:

    Oh RM, hugs, hugs, hugs! Moo got so many comments on how her ‘color’ is so less than the other kids in the family, who are milk white. I was told to rub besan on her vigorously to whiten her. That is another case that I did not listen 😉

  8. Meeta says:

    Wow, congratulations. Honestly, I admit that I haven’t been reading up lately (second one a year now). This is fantastic news. Big hug and congratulations to the parents and big sister.
    U know what I had enough of second one is a boy too. Go for a third 🙂
    Do give me ur mail id

  9. Sid says:

    Dear RM,
    To damn with those eegits.
    Take care and keep writing. Hope you’re well.

  10. srividhya says:

    Oh man.. just because advices are free people can say anything n everything aaa???? Third one is veryyyyyy bad. Dunno what to say even.. 😦 😦
    Between u have wordpress app in phone naa?? Easy to post it via app R.

  11. How are you doing RM? I am so happy to read a post from you. I have been missing your regular posts …

  12. Sushma says:

    Congratulations on your baby girl!!

    Well said RM. I have two boys and people tell me hopefully the 3rd will be a girl. Yes I did want one boy and one girl but I am happy with my two boys now.

    I had c sec for both my deliveries but not because I wanted it. People never understand that and they just have to comment on it.

    Just have fun with your kids 🙂

  13. Shweta says:

    Congratulations Congratulations Congratulations Congratulations 😤… I little too late in wishing you but heartiest Congratulations to you n your family… Lots of love for the little one… For R – its a privilege to be an elder sister .. You love someone like a mini-mom… 😉 I am an elder sister to twin brothers too…

    And hugs n strength to you RM for hanging in there with so much stupidity and negativity around… I can understand… My daughter turns 10 months soon n I still have to face all these u mentioned above… Of course I can’t go n beat up every other person who says/thinks like this .. Specially the elders in the family… I just vent it out with my husband n so does he with me..

    Does the second baby’s name also start with R??

    • R's Mom says:

      Oohhh sis to twin boys..what fun 🙂

      Hugs hugs hugs to your little one.

      Yep…R2’s name starts from R 😉

      • Shweta says:

        Wow.. Its truly R household then.. 😀

        Oh I forgot to tell.. one of such people told me to go have a second kid right away when my daughter was not even 3 months (I too had C sec).. coz the way the hair was on her head… some pattern that ensures that the next baby would be a boy… You know what I replied to that person..? 😉 😀 –> “Haan abhi kar leti hun.. factory lagai hai na maine baccha paeda karne ki”

        It doesn’t stop here.. Some call me bottle as I am still nursing her.. I got so bugged the last time.. I told my husband I’ll call him Sperm (Vicky Donor style) next time someone calls me bottle.. he said sure go ahead.. might just help.. u never know.. !

  14. Seema says:

    Hey Bhagwan! Kab sudharenge log?!!! Even I was pissed off with both daughters sympathy.

    Don’t pay any heed to them RM. I know it’s easier said than done. Warm, tight hugs to you dear

  15. kaj says:

    A whole new generation will have to come with more self-esteem for some complexes to end.

    Didn’t think people in the cities cared about child gender. Knowing how society has changed and what to expect in everyone’s future.

    Am sure R will grow up to be a confident young lady.

  16. Smitha says:

    You know what, you should tell people who say things like this that it isn’t acceptable. So annoying this attitude is!

    As for blogging on the phone, I’ve forgotten how to blog on the laptop:)

  17. latasun says:

    And I am on the other end of the spectrum where people tell me, ‘Two boys, how lucky you are’. I wonder how that makes me lucky. Surely, i am not counting the dowry the son will bring in. A child is a child and I would have been equally happy if I had a girl.

  18. Maya says:

    Tell me who all those people are.. I will send auto to their place! **gets ready with arms and ammunition**

  19. Mean people…Im so angry reading this post that I just want to go slap everyone of those who has been making nasty comparisions between R1 and R2 …as for C-sec-Gah! As long as you and the littlest one are healthy…
    And for the 3rd one-bwaaahahahahhaha -all the best… Or you know what i say -“would you help me bring up the child?” That shud shut them up…gggrrrr

  20. simple girl says:

    such creepy and inconsiderate people around…

  21. (Sorry for late wishes)
    MANY MANY CONGRATULATIONS RM, lots of love to R1 & R2.

  22. You know, you’d think the world will change atleast a bit in 28 years, but it hasn’t. Points 1 and 3, my mom can write a thesis on it. The very same set of comments from all and sundry (including, the third will be a boy!) were a common thing in our household. And the whole, “oh lucky that atleast the second one is fair”, Gah! What do you say?
    But we turned out well, I turned out well 🙂 What you are doing with R is perfect, just playing on the good bits might seem like an overkill but do wonders! You are a wonderful mom and the girls are lucky 😀
    Enjoy RM, and good luck with phone blogging 😐
    Oh also, anybody who talks that way of a C-sec should meet me, 30 hours of labor followed by an emergency C-sec has given me enough strength to whack them. Hmph.

  23. Mukund says:

    Thanks for the Dear Me part. Rest of the “Dears” got my blood boiling. These unknown “well wishers” cause so much pain and hurt; why can they not keep their smarties to themselves!!!

    Happy New Year!

    Mukund

  24. MR says:

    congrats on the new addition.

  25. Divya says:

    Yabba people…but you know what until someone really tasks them for it people will continue.
    I have a girl and hoping when i have a sec child, it will be a girl. Also, I will be one who just might punch someone if they ever comment on my 2 girls (Already dreaming)
    About C-sec, I know people here in US go for C-sec for the 2nd one coz its “its 2nd one na” and what is big deal about C-sec. Victoria Beckham ( one of those spice girls) had 4 C-sec..look at her. I had a normal delivery and i look like whale after child birth..how different is C-sec from appendix operation ?? Anything deep medically i don’t know but on high level i don’t see a big difference.
    HUGS to you guys!!

  26. raji says:

    Congratulations RM. Ignore those people, with you as their mom -both R and R2 will flourish. Kuch tho log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna……

  27. amitasingh10 says:

    Just ignore these people…
    I am a single child and I seriously hate such people…. I remember all these old aunts would come and say to my mom “Ab kya hoga… Ek ladka ho jaaye toh achcha hai,,,, Tu kissi doctor ko dikha”. Crap, utter crap….. I kept hearing such comments all through my childhood. I really do not know how my mom kept her cool. And these are very same aunts who now lament that their DIL’s dont “care” for them. We Indians are hypocrites….

    Just ignore these people and enjoy these fleeting moments..
    Loads of love to R2 (and R ofcourse) 🙂

  28. You must not ignore such idiotic comments. You must politely, but firmly disagree with such persons and tell them to mind their own business. I know it may be difficult with elderly relatives, but it must be done to give R and R2 the unambiguous message that all such talk is crap.

  29. TTS says:

    Congratulations on R2! Anyone who says “second one is a girl again” – congratulate them on their awesome observation skills. Anyone who says the second one is fairer than the first…tell them they’re both smarter than that person and that’s what counts. And about the C sec, tell them they can carry your next child and deliver either way, you wont complain 🙂

  30. Comfy says:

    I went through the two girls.. God’s will etc. when I was in India with the girls soon after Bugz was born. When it happened while someone was handing me money as shagun, I refused to take the money. I point blank told them, “I love my girls and don’t need sympathy money from someone who does not understand as basic a thing as love of a mother for her child.”
    Everyone calls Bugz cute, because she has these curly hair, chubby cheeks, shinny eyes.. you get the picture right? Buzz started saying the same but sometimes she has this dull look about her and says, “I am not cute.” It is very difficult as parents to balance the kids and their difference especially when they are hearing things from people around them. Lots of hugs, it will not be easy but I am sure you will figure out the right thing to do and our R will be just fine.
    Hugs and hugs again!

  31. Nidaa says:

    Missed the madcap R-family sooo much. Glad that you’re back though you sound frustrated. But who can blame you… too many irritating people
    My sis had her 3rd boy now and people are like next one will be a girl.
    Fairness complexion- Someone who was my neighbour some 20 yrs ago came to see us and her first comment to me was ‘oh you bcm so black (she said black not dark)’. I know shes its all bullshit and I definitely dont give a damn becz it really doesnt matter. Still my heart said ouch. And I am 28. And R is only 6. I dont know what else to do except to keep doing what you have been doing so far.

  32. tannybh says:

    Congrats to you!! And people will always say such nonsense. We are two sisters and my mom had to go through the same bullshit. Seems nothing really has changed in 30 years.

  33. Scribby says:

    Welcome back to writing. A very happy new year to R family.. a complete family. . With two little cute fairies 🙂

    Chuck the world.. snap at them if you feel like. . Don’t spare a single one now 🙂

    with two girls in tow it will be fun. .I think two sisters make better siblings. .. Just my thought. .hehe

    5 stars to dear R for being such caring sister. ..

    love n hugs

  34. anna's mom says:

    Congratulations 🙂 and a big hug. Next time someone says something so idiotic in front of you (or at least if R is around) tell them off. This stupidity has to stop somewhere.
    I so wanted two girls and was convinced that the second one was a girl. But turned out to be a boy. What pissed me off so much was the many, many people who called to congratulate and had sweets distributed etc., who never called when Anna was born.

  35. UmaS says:

    First super tight hugs RM….its a stupid world out there and we need to be on our wits end to keep things normal for our kids. I wish you loads of strength to ignore all those bullshit talk and make your girls stronger from inside 🙂
    I hope you’ve some time to read books to R….reading different kind of stories with different people, culture makes us widen our horizons and then all these things appear petty.
    When you have two amazing angels with you, why long for a boy ?? Give them a whack on the head !!
    C-sec – talk to me ….I’ve had two – its the reason for my belly fat. Some decisions are taken due to various reasons and the third person who has no clue on what happened has no say in it !
    Take care…much hugs to the girls too 🙂

  36. Congrats R! You 3 can form your very own girl gang and gang up on RM now 🙂
    I can relate to R’s thoughts about complexion. Im a south indian with dark skin who grew up in Pune and have been bullied in school for not being my classmates’ choice of color. It bothered me like crazy back then. But then i grew out of it eventually. R will too. Just keep reinforcing that it doesnt matter to you what her skin colour is. Bas.

  37. Swaram says:

    Dear RM, you did not write that I was the first blogger to have met R2 😛 😀 😀
    And sigh, how did I forget to ask you about all these important things when we were chatting away eh?:P So you had a C-sec aaaaaa?;)

  38. Deepa says:

    One tight smack is what these people should get! How insensitive and stupid these idiots are!!
    It is a blessing to have 2 kids, be it boy or girl. Bah! I hate these morons who pass these comments. Regarding C section, it is no big deal now a days, people also heal well. I hate these self righteous aunties who had a vaginal delivery look with sympathy at ladies who had c section.

    Lots of tight hugs to R, let her know that she is a beautiful princess. You know I relate to what she is saying as I am dark complexioned and my sis is very fair, all through my childhood I had to go through this constant comparison from morons (read relatives). It just pushed me to excel in my studies and career. My daughter is dark, but she is the most gorgeous thing I have ever set my eyes on with an absolutely beautiful soul, my son is very fair, I threatened my family (husband’s and mine) to keep their gobs shut and not speak anything about complexion in front of my princess. The threat worked.

    Take care and do not let these fools bother you with their stupid comments.

  39. Choxbox says:

    You are a saint clearly.
    I give it back in full if anyone dares to comment on my-two-girls state. Or if they pass any other comment about my girls, especially if they are around.

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