Tum hi ho Bandhu…Sakha Tumhi

I know I know…nice song..but totally irrelevant to the post…just heard it yesterday though 🙂 And everytime I hear this song, I remember Comfy. I had heard this song for the first time on her blog… okay I digress.

The point of this post is the first and the last word of the title ‘tum’, Thats been moving round and round in my brains for ages now! (I have earlier written a stupid rant on aap and tum here)

This tum thing…I am going in circles thinking about this whole tum thing.

Some days ago when RD went to Malai and came back, we were talking about something. The rare times in our married life where we both actually ‘talked’. Anyways, so he told me about this uncle in the temple who was pretty upset with the fact that I called RD ‘tu’. RD told him very politely that it was between me and him and he didnt understand how me calling RD ‘tu’ really affected that uncle. Ah well, here is when you all clap and tell me that I have married a sweet guy yaada yaada…

But then, I realised it been bugging me. This whole tu and tum thing. Tu is a very Bombay thing, I think. I have been to a few states across India, but I havent heard the word ‘tu’ being spoken anywhere else with such abundance. Spending 8 years in Bombay means that I have just gotten used to hearing the language here, and I have shifted slowly from tum to tu. I call everyone my age and younger to me as tu.

But the uncle’s incident bothered me so much, that I asked around in a Whatsapp group what they thought about it. No big deal was the common consensus but most folks avoid using tu. Most of them use tum.

A couple of times RD has told me about my habit of saying ‘tu’ to even children may not be a good thing when the parents themselves call their children as ‘tum’ or ‘aap’. I tried to make a conscious effort to go towards ‘tum’ but somehow I have failed time and again.

Until, I heard the brat speak to one of her friends and ask her ‘tu mere ghar pe aayegi kya?‘ and then I cringed. Now I realised, why RD keeps telling me to go to ‘tum’ and not ‘tu’. It felt weird to hear a child who always calls everyone ‘aap’ to go to ‘tu’

I think I am going to make a serious effort to call everyone ‘aap’ to lets says at least ‘tum’. I have to, incase I want my child to have proper language. and this includes starting with RD. Unfortunately, RD doesnt seem to respond well when I called him ‘tum’. He looked back and asked me ‘if I was okay and all that’ *eye roll*

But today onwards, I have a vision. A vision to transform my ‘tus’ to’ tums’. Its going to be a work in progress taken very seriously. If I succeed, I am going to award myself

1. A big thin crust cheese laden pizza
2. A big packet of chips with lemon masala on it
3. A big thali of chaat of different types (but no kachori)
4. A large burger and peri peri french fries
5. A big bucketful of kesar aam ras
Yep, so from tuing I am going to tuming…toh kya bolte tum???



About R's Mom

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38 Responses to Tum hi ho Bandhu…Sakha Tumhi

  1. Uma says:

    Can I get all those yummy awards coz I already use ‘tum’??? 😉 Yes, ‘tu’ is a very Mumbaiyya thing..the hindi is a mix of marathi where they use ‘tu’. Its a similar case where I call the hubby “nee” but when I refer to him in third person in front of some people I’m careful to use the ‘respectful pronoun’ 😉 That said, I wonder if I should start “aap” because R uses “nee” for everyone-elder or younger which I’m not too comfortable with.
    Belated birthday wishes to your R, RM. Sorry, couldn’t wish in time and haven’t been a regular here.

    • R's Mom says:

      Wow..you do use tum eh? thats nice..I am trying, I am trying…yep it is very Bombayish 🙂

      okay, so one question, dont you ever slip by mistake in front of others, calling the hubby nee…I cant remember only..so told RD right from the start, that its either going to be aap all the way or tu all the way 🙂

      Thanks da…hope all fine..with new house and all, I can understand the lack of time 🙂

  2. Tharani says:

    What is the difference between tum and tu?

  3. greenboochi says:

    You list of rewards tempted me so so much RM 😀 😀

  4. carvaka says:

    Yes there is definitely a difference in bombay hindi and say Delhi hindi. I am all ‘tu tadak’ as well but it doesn’t matter usually because my husband, friends etc are all the same. Even our families find it super normal. 😀

    In fact if I meet people from Delhi, I usually switch to English as it’s weird to say ‘tu’ and hear ‘tum’ or ‘aap’ back for me..lol! I’m very fond of my bombay hindi since I only get to visit bombay once a year now. It’s a sweet irreverent artefact from my bombay.

    About this uncle though, I wonder if his issue was using ‘tu’ in general or a wife using ‘tu’ for her husband. Hmmm.

    • R's Mom says:

      Delhi Hindi is very very polite..RD always tells me that..Bombay Hindi is pretty much a khicidi of stuff…

      My amma calls my Appa tu only…(nee in Tamizh) but others use neengal (aap) including inlaws..infact my MIL doesnt even call my FIL by name….

      Guess, I should just be speaking English..makes life so much easier..eh?

      Uncle from old school..now understand 😉

  5. Bikramjit says:

    firstttttttttttt I beleive 🙂

    • Bikramjit says:

      hmmmm I was brought up with strict saying that all elders will be AAP and Tun was only for firends only ..

      and now in work also i got to call everyone Sir or Mam 🙂 irrespective of who or what they are .. So I do believe that its just a mark of respect maybe saying Tum or aap.. although by no means I am saying that TU is Impolite …

      All the best …
      and kya bolte hum is that .. All that to EAT all ALONE NO WAYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy … I dont like that at all .. SHaring is always GOOOOOOOD .. and AAAP please share kariye Thoda thoda

    • R's Mom says:

      Nah! sorry 🙂

  6. SriEA says:

    Hahaha..are you going to choose 1 out of the 5 or all 5!;)

    Good luck on changing tu with tum…will be difficult…

    My case is the opposite..me and hubby address everyone as Neenga whether they are drivers, carpenters or plumbers..when i first called my office boy that way he stared at me like i was crazy!

    • R's Mom says:

      All five of course!

      Well, I do call everyone else aap, including drivers, carpenters and plumbers…unknown people are always referred to as aap..and even R calls them aap…but its about really young kids of R’s age and my close friends, I am trying to improve!

  7. The Bride says:

    I am hardly an expert on Hindi, but tu seems to me like the ultimate intimacy…so can be said to close friends and husband surely?

    • R's Mom says:

      hahahah true…very true…when you are really comfortable with folks, you say ‘tu’…but my issue is that I dont seem to remember where to draw the line..like calling RD’s friend’s daughter as ‘tu’ even when her parents refer to her as ‘aap’ I want to stop doing that 🙂

  8. Maya says:

    Erm.. The tamil translation of Tum is Nee; Aap is Neenga. Now, what is this ‘tu’?

    But, I really loved your idea of treating yourself! **drools** All the best, RM! May you get the best of all the (Junk?) food you mentioned at the end of this mission! 😀 😀

  9. Shweta says:

    I really get your point when you say the uncle seemed upset when you said tu… Elders often feel that using tu is a sign of disrespect. But my opinions differ.
    I have time and again noticed that when I am close to a person I automatically refer to them as “tu” while “aap” or “tum” comes out of awe, fear or just some elderly or stranger feeling… There is an invisible barrier and I will not be able to cross it…
    I have been born and brought up in Mumbai and may be these are my versions of Tu and Tum… But it works well as far as I am concerned!! 🙂

  10. There is no ‘tum’ in Tam no? Anyway, I always used tu for my sis and friends (UP impact), tum for mom and aap for dad. I use tum for The Dude but we hardly talk in hindi.
    Enter hindi speaking Zo 😐 We took pains and spoke aap only to her and she thankfully picked it up quite nicely. She doesn’t know tum or tu. But here is the funny bit. She will say ‘Papa, aap car fast kyun chala rahe ho’ and then turn to me and say ‘ dekho mummy, papa kaise chala raha hai!’ or ‘yeh bol raha hai’. So its a mix.
    Anyway, lil practise will fix it all! 😀 So all the best RM! Though I do not appreciate so much junk food 😉 makes me hungry!

    • R's Mom says:

      no, there is no ‘tum’ in Tamizh..its either tu or aap 🙂

      LOL at Zo’s hindi….super cute eh?

      you dont appreciate junk food!!! I love junk food..A LOT

  11. Comfy says:

    What?? Tu is Mumbai hindi? and I have been using it all my life? 😮
    RM, tu is very prevalent all over, when talking to people your age, as you rightly mentioned, those you know well. Tum is mostly for those you don’t know and aap is for respect.
    When D and I got engaged, I told him pointblank I am not going to call him ‘aap’. We were partners, no extra respect business for him. He laughed and said ‘tu bol na, bas!’ I think it is mostly ‘tu’ now 😀
    Buzz, when she first started talking said something like, “kya tu mujhe wo dega?” to my dada, while we were in India. You should have seen everyone’s faces. I started calling her ‘aap’ right after, just to get the language right for her.
    But honestly there is nothing better and closer that hearing, “Tu kar de na,” from D or “Tu kaisi hei?” from a friend that I talked to after ages.

    • R's Mom says:

      no?? aiyo..I always thought tu is a very very Mumbai thing…I havent heard it so much in other places I have been!

      yep, you got the definitions right!

      LOL at D’s comment..super cute he is..

      Buzz said tu..hahaha I can well imagine the reaction…

      Ah well..you are right as usual

  12. I call my parents ‘tu’, *goes and hides her face*. I dont know why! I think because when I picked up marathi as a child, I was in Indore and Delhi and I did not pick it up well. And it switched to hindi and tu remained. I say tum to everyone else. Except a couple of friends who speak very mumbaiya hindi. But I like tum. Definitely. It is good hindi. The xBF was called plenty of ridiculous names, but tum remained.

  13. srividhya17 says:

    ahhh your award list is soo tempting 🙂
    I read your other post too. I call my appa and amma nee, vaa, po only but others with neega. And my hubby is much worse. As he is from a joint family, he calls his paati, thatha, appa,amma and all chitapas,chithis nee, vaa, poo only.. So now its hard for me to teach vaandu the difference of nee and neenga 🙂 🙂
    But finally I learnt the skill of calling my hubby nee when its just us and neenga in front of others 🙂
    I didnt know tu and tum has this big deal.. When I hear the word tu, I only remember this song..


    • R's Mom says:

      I can never do that…remember to call the spouse neenga…I just stick to nee all the time…I should just switch to English full time..eh?

      LOL on the video…

  14. pixie says:

    I say “tu” and “tum” as well.
    seems fine to me! 😀

    And reading the last 5 points just made me hungrier! gahu!

    *walks off to have lunch*

  15. Deboshree says:

    Oh my gosh. If those are the kinds of rewards on store, I am willing to go for a complete attitude makeover! 😛 😛
    Having said that, I think this is a great conscious effort you are making. Kudos.

  16. Oh wow! This post made me think about how I mostly address my husband- and it is a complete mix with 50-50 between tu and tum. For elders I almost always say Aap and I use a combo of tu/tum with friends too. Never really thought of tu as disrespectful. I do want Bandar saying aap though to everyone, sounds so cute and polite mainly with kids! But as the husband won’t let me address him as aap , it’s going to be hard to incorporate.I made a big pretense of calling him aap in front of his folks once and laughed out loud and have the game away! Hrmphhj

  17. ashreyamom says:

    i think award is more tempting than anything else.. so if i call u, AAP will get double treat??

  18. I call the OH ‘nee vaa’ ‘nee po’ too, and it does bug some people, but I don’t want to stop doing that. That said, I address others – elders and youngsters alike – with respect, as ‘neenga’. It is just my comfort level with the OH that makes me want to call him ‘nee’ – it feels weird to call him ‘neenga’ in fact. Confused.

    Anyways, all the very best with your resolution!

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