Its a Sixer!!!

Dear R

Six! yep thats your age now. Like your Calcutta thatha said that day ‘What? she cant be six years, she is still one two theeeee in my eyes :)’

Yep darling, six you are. Now a class one student. A big girl. I cant believe it myself.

You have become independent in most cases. Except for the time when you cried buckets because Amma had to go to office last Friday. And just after the day I wrote that you are getting to be independent. Your Appa laughed at me, saying whatever I write on the blog, it becomes a panvati πŸ™‚ So true πŸ™‚

But you are a responsible kid now.

We have our fights almost everyday, but ours are better than your’s and Appa’s. You guys fight for everything and anything. I must admit, I am dreading when you turn into a teen. Who is going to referee between both of you? Definitely not me πŸ™‚

You love fruits and you love fried stuff as well. Vada Pav, Pav bhaji and cheese dosa are your favorite food and you dont mind eating dosas for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Your love for idlis has waned except when your Barodu thathi makes them with her sambhar πŸ™‚

Your teachers claim that you are the only kid in the class who finishes off her lunch box without any fuss. But you know what, I think thats jinxed. You have started to get fussy about food. I dont want this, I dont like this, yaada yaada. I insist you are getting nothing special for yourself. But then you either live on fruits and curd or just dont eat anything. But hey, I repeat, unless you are really sick, ma is not going to make any special food for anyone in the house okay?

You can read two alphabet and three alphabet words with ease now..but you are just not ready to pick up a story book, much to my despair. I had imagined a daughter who would compete with me in reading, but I guess, its just something you arent interested in. I have stopped pushing you, giving you some space. May be a bit later in life you will learn the true joy of having a book in hand.

Your love for dancing continues and Appa says you have a natural flair for it. yaa may be, not sure, but then I hope you just love doing it. At least you dont have to worry about weight loss later in life eh?

You love watching TV. Dora, Doremon, Minnie Mouse, sigh! For all the time I kept you away from TV for the first four years of your life, you are getting to seeing it with a vengeance. I dont know how to get you to stop it. WE of course, have strict hours and programs but sigh! I must resign myself to the fact that you love watching TV!

I am astounded at the times, you are able to remember songs (hindi movie ones!) andΒ shlokasΒ (Thanks to Barodu thathi) so effortlessly. You will do really well in the Indian education system because you are good at learning by rote :):) I dont want that though…lets see

You surprise me with your care of others at times. The way you worry about small children, poor kids its really surprising. I hope you continue to be this nice person.

And you are turning the two strands of hair which are remaining on my head, completely grey. You cry, throw tantrums, complain, make a fuss. It really really makes me upset at times, but I guess, its all a part of the growing up process.

Day before yesterday, I slapped you for the first time in your life…Two hard slaps on your cheeks. You did a very dreadful thing and I just couldnt bear it when a child’s mom told me that your daughter has no manners and doesnt know how to talk. Yep, what you told that aunty (dont bring your son down, he is always crying) was totally uncalled for and totally out of place. You had no business telling her that. Even if he came and dashed the cycles you and your friend were riding. The aunty is super miffed and I had to apologise to her 100 times for what you did. Fight darling, but dont be a smart mouth. Thats the worst thing any parent dreads for. I got you up, first tried to teach you calmly, but unfortunately things got out of hand, and you hit me, I dragged you into a bedroom locked the door and slapped you tight. After that you cried for your Calcutta thathi but I didnt let you out. I talked to you, we spoke in detail you apologised, I apologised and in the end you said ‘Amma, you are a good lady, I thought you were a bad lady when you hit me, but really amma, you are a good lady’ Darn, I am getting tears in my eyes even as I write this down. Parenting is very very tough kiddo!

But you know what was the best part, you came up with me the next day to apologise to that aunty. She was shocked. You said you were sorry to her and you said you were sorry to your friend. Things are back to normal and I think you have learnt a hard lesson in life!

You have this wonderful quality of letting go. We fight, we have our tears, but at the end of the whole thing, you just give in. Fine, we will do as you say, you tell me with a defeated air. I think its a wonderful quality, R. When you grow older, you will realise that often, letting go is the best solution to many relationships!

You are still very upset about your skin colour. As per you, only fair people are beautiful and it makes me so so sad that I have to keep telling you that colour of your skin is not in your hands. You asked me one day if you could just remove all your skin like a snake and recoat it with new fair skin. Darling, you are wonderful wonderful wonderful as you are, dont ever fret about the colour of your skin. You are a wonderful chocolate brown. Just yummy looking! Sigh! I am hoping some day you will realise that a person is not defined by the skin colour at all!

And as you turned six on Saturday, you managed to clean the washbasin in the bathroom to perfection (I am overlooking the fact that you managed to wet yourself completely!) and cut cucumbers into round round pieces under my supervision for your sandwich, despite your dadi saying no…I think its fine kanna, as long as you are careful and do stuff under our supervision, I think its fine that you have started helping out at home πŸ™‚

Six already…I was thinking of writing you a six point letter, but honestly my fingers just typed this out by themselves. Wishing you a super duper year aheadΒ and just stop biting the nails and crying at the drop of a hat okay kiddo?

loads of love
Amma

 

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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69 Responses to Its a Sixer!!!

  1. srividhya17 says:

    Sweet.. Happy Bday R.. Many many more happy returns. πŸ™‚
    Ahh I agree parenting is really tuf.. I totally get upset when my kiddo tells I don’t want to play with the other kid in front of their parents itself.. These kids na.. 😦
    And please R, don’t bite your nails. (Advices are free na.. So request from aunty, who bite nails including cuticles :-))

  2. Maya says:

    Big big hugs to the little big girl, R! And, happy happy birthday to her! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ **logs off before Maya’s tears wet the computer screen**

  3. Rahmath says:

    Awww :’) …Happy Birthday R. Wish you a super duper birthday.

  4. summerscript says:

    The whole slapping and apologizing incident brought tears.. Blame the hormones (too late i know but still it is,comfortable to just blame the hormones for,everything)
    Belated birthday wishes kutti R!

  5. Prachee says:

    Happy Sixth Birthday to R…have loads of fun dear.
    I guess, Its all a part of growing up RM, for the kids as well as us (as parents). For the manner less thing, I think that lady over reacted…!!
    Doreamon, don’t even talk about it, that’s a pain…however I must admit that even I have started liking the cartoon character.. πŸ™‚
    BTW, what happened to the birthday party…?

    • R's Mom says:

      Well the lady does have issues with a lot of kids and their mothers in the building..but that doesnt justify what R did eh?

      Dont even ask about the birthday party..its over phew!!!!

      • Prachee says:

        Ya..then I will count it as that Lady’s fault only, R just told the truth, and she too, is a young kid. We ourselves have taught them to speak truth right…!!
        Diplomatic sentences, covering up the harsh facts are all fancy stuff that we do as adults, kids are not supposed to do that..
        well sorry for exaggerating the stuff. just felt like R got the punishment for somebody else’s fault, without deserving it.
        Anyways, I know you are an awesome awesome mom, and things sometimes do get out of control. I also scold lil champ for almost everything he does nowadays.. and later on feel guilty about it..!! :-/

        • R's Mom says:

          Yaa..but still it was uncalled for rey…nahi nahi, you are not exaggerating stuff..its your opinion eh?

          Thanks a bunch for the comment πŸ™‚

  6. simple girl says:

    awww.. such a heartwarming and sweet and mushy post …

    happy birthday R …

    and RM you are doing such a great job with her..

    And about the skin color issue, RM I have a small piece of suggestion. What if reinforcement comes from your family friends, along with you ? say for example, R’s friend’s mother, or may be your friend, or RD’s friend with whom you are pretty close and R is also happy being around, is it possible to ask such people to talk about it to R in a casual way. For eg. , you meet for a get together and the other person gushes to R how beautiful chocolaty skin she has and then it stops there.. May be you can ask a teacher to say it to her..
    This is because she is just a kid and when she see other people reinforcing the notion around, she would feel better and as she would grow up, eventually she would understand..

    I do not know if it would be of any help. Just my two cents.

    • R's Mom says:

      Thank you very much…

      oh I havent ever thought about that..may be it will…should try and see if that works..I am hoping she gains confidence in time and loves her skin colour!

      • sjscribbles says:

        This seems like a good suggestion that can work with M as well. Thanks Simple Girl !

        RM, you and me have discussed this before. M also has a huge issue with the colour of his skin. Chocolate Brown. He compares his skin colour with the british kids skin colours (used to with the chinese kids skin colours while we were at singapore) and wonders why he cannot be as fair as them.

        The other day – My heart skipped a beat when he said ” I wish I had some other mummy and daddy ” when I asked why in shock ” He said – ” atleast then I would have had a fair skin colour like J and M (his classmates). ” I was shocked beyond belief to hear this.

        We just have to wait for them to grow over this, RM. I keep telling M – that what matters is what you are on the inside, how kind …how helpful. Not, what you are on the outside and it seems to be working. Hugs RM !!!

        • The Bride says:

          Gosh, this skin thing is the pits. It’s horrible how kids internalise it. The other day Benji who is super white said that they call another girl in school ‘chocolate’. Immediately V and I raised our eyebrows because we knew why (her skin is chocolate-coloured). I said, why, is it because she’s yummy? And Benji giggled (sarcastically, if that’s possible for a three-year-old). He’s not very articulate and since he didn’t say anyting negative I didn’t want to over-emphasise it, but I will be watching to nip any of this nonsense in the bud.

          I like the suggestion above to get others to reinforce the beauty of her skin colour. I don’t really buy the suggestions which say we should teach our kids to ignore the beauty aspect. We can encourage them to look beyond beauty and not be obsessed with it, but it’s almost a human instinct to want to feel attractive, and for kids the message of ‘it doesn’t matter’ won’t resonate because it matters very materially to them.

  7. Tharani says:

    Happy happy birthday to the darling girl. Pass on my big hugs to the big girl and what a beautiful straight from the heart letter RM.

  8. Sigh! Parenting is a tough job, indeed, but then, loads of fun too, eh? πŸ™‚

    Happy birthday to the brat! πŸ™‚

  9. Wow our kids are growing so fast isn’t it. I remember reading her 5 Ty birthday just few days ago. Sigh !

    Happy birthday dear R.

  10. Deeps says:

    Now wasnt that sweetest letter or what! Tight hugs to the most adorable mother-daughter duo! R is a wonderful kid growing up in the most grounded and balanced manner. May God bless her today and always πŸ™‚

    And RM, special hugs for you. I can imagine how miserable you must have felt after punishing R for the incident in your building. I’m yet to raise a hand at Namnam, but there have been countless times when I have had to reprimand her in the strictest manner possible. I understand how tough it can be and you feel even more overwhelmed when your child forgets everything, in a few hours and just runs up to you for a hug, no! But sometimes you are pushed to such limits that you are left with no option but to take a harsh method, RM .And you do that so your child can learn to differentiate between right and wrong, to put it simply. So don’t feel bad. You adopted the best manner you could at that given circumstance, to make your child understand what’s acceptable and what’s not. See, in the end, R herself certified that you are a good lady. Bas, aur kya chahiye :).

    • R's Mom says:

      Thank you Deeps πŸ™‚

      And thanks for the comment…This is why I consider you as someone who has a very balanced approach to parenting…thank you thank you thank you πŸ™‚

  11. Mrs B says:

    Awww such a touching letter RM!!! Wishing R a very happy birthday. May God bless her. May she continue being sensitive to people around her. May she continue enthralling us with her Risms..

  12. divya says:

    Aww..what a beautiful post. Happy Bday R.

  13. greenboochi says:

    Happy Birthday R! You are a darling. Wishing you loads of happiness and good health through out your life πŸ™‚

    RM – I had teary eyes by the end of the post. Hugs.

  14. iwrotethose says:

    Quite an emotional post there RM. But yes, I could relate to some of it. Happy birthday to the big girl and hope she has/had a lovely time. Parenting is a tough job, but these moments make it totally worth it, no? πŸ™‚

    • R's Mom says:

      yes indeed…wish there was an automated thing in the head which told you how to react in what situation….will pass on the wishes to the brat πŸ™‚

  15. SriEA says:

    Wishing R a very Happy Birthday!!:)

    Hoping she learns to not be a smartmouth as her Amma wishes!;)

    Hoping her Amma doesn’t lose her temper too much!;)

  16. Bingo's Mom says:

    Lovely letter, RM. Loads of love and best-est wishes to R.
    err…. biting nail issue is with her amma as well, i guess πŸ™‚

  17. ashreyamom says:

    happy happy b’day R.. trouble ur Amma as always.. πŸ˜›

  18. Jazz says:

    Wow she went and apologized the next day.. R is a sweetheart, many many happy returns of the day dear.

  19. Bikramjit says:

    Once again a BIG HUGGGGGGGGGGG to the little one and lots of love.. Thank god I remembered this time and that too on time πŸ™‚

    many many happy returns of the day to you little one .. Happy Birthday ..

    and heyyyyyyyyyy keep a piece of that cake πŸ™‚ You are a GEM …

  20. Zephyr says:

    Wish the little one a very happy birthday and a big hug from this thathi πŸ™‚ It is indeed a sixer of a letter/post! Hugs.

  21. sjscribbles says:

    Happy Birthday R Darling !!! I have read so much about you – all that your wonderful amma has written thus far and I have developed a mental bond with you , Kiddo ! I am as happy for you turning six as I would be with M.

    RM, I understand parenting is tough dear. Hugs, Please please promise to not ever lay your hands on the child – whatever may come. We mothers will never be able to forgive ourselves for doing so. Give her time out, give her no TV for 10 days punishment, whatever…. But, Never ever hit her ok ? Promise !!!

    RM, you and me have discussed this before. M also has a huge issue with the colour of his skin. Chocolate Brown. He compares his skin colour with the british kids skin colours (used to with the chinese kids skin colours while we were at singapore) and wonders why he cannot be as fair as them.

    The other day – My heart skipped a beat when he said ” I wish I had some other mummy and daddy ” when I asked why in shock ” He said – ” atleast then I would have had a fair skin colour like J and M (his classmates). ” I was shocked beyond belief to hear this.

    We just have to wait for them to grow over this, RM. I keep telling M – that what matters is what you are on the inside, how kind …how helpful. Not, what you are on the outside and it seems to be working. Hugs RM !!!

    • R's Mom says:

      yes yes yes…I learnt the hard way about slapping…I am not against hitting on the bum once in a while..but no slapping for sure!! Thanks for telling me that..

      and yaa…the colour issue you did tell me about..hugs rey..we cant do much can well..big big big hugs to you and to M!

  22. Titaxy says:

    happy birthday, R!

  23. MR says:

    oh dont worry about the skin color things, my 8 yr old is like that too. and she doesnt even see fair skin ads here, she just wants to be ligth skinned like her friends, it changes slowly, she’s not as obsessive about it now and hopefully when she hits the teens, other MAJOR teen angsts will surface πŸ™‚

  24. Shweta says:

    Loved it RM… Awesome letter.. Straight from the heart… Many more returns of the day to R!!!
    Don’t worry… Over time she’ll get over the obsession of having a fair skin.. M sure you and RD will be successful in making it happen…

  25. Shweta says:

    Wishing ‘R’ a very Happy 😊 Birthday πŸŽ‚… And both of you too..

    Trivia for R – fair skin people have more skin problems and allergies, pimples, freckles etc.. Melamine prevents many skin allergies and protects it.

    I know it’s been so long that I left you any comments… But I still have read all your posts though a little later than sooner..

    Just feel like sharing the good news with you.. I recently became a mommy… Our daughter will be of 3 months on the coming 17th.. She chose a very colorful day to come into this world – on holi… πŸ˜‰

    • R's Mom says:

      WHAT!!!!!! you serious..but but..I thought you were a baby yourself! Congrats congrats and congrats..more cuddles to the little kutty…hope you guys are doing well…big hugs

  26. pixie says:

    Hight hugs RM! This post just brought tears in my eyes!! You are such a sweet person and a brilliant mom! I hope when my time comes, I learn something from you!!
    I can tell you from personal experience, she will get over skin colour and realize she is beautiful.
    It took me time and a sensible mother. Which she has! πŸ™‚

    Happy Birthday Darling R!! You are a great kid and your mom is absolutely adorable!! πŸ˜€

  27. RM! Wish R a very very Happy Birthday!
    You know, while I get punishing them for being rude, if the lady’s son was a nuisance, did you atleast tell her that? I mean if she was complaining about R’s misbehavior, fine, accepted, but feedback for her child too? Anyway, I may just be biased.
    About the skin, I know how it might feel. She’s too young right now, but few years, perhaps in her teens you can tell her how dusky is wayyyyy hotter than fair! (Don’t judge me please!).
    You are a pretty good lady RM πŸ™‚ but you are an awesome mommy! Hugs to you both~

    • R's Mom says:

      Thankoooooo

      Well, the other girl’s mother did tell the lady about her son..I didnt….you are right, I should have…

      Yaa…hopefully she will get over the fair skin obsession…LOL on dont judge me πŸ™‚

  28. Heartwarming!
    I used to get slapped a lot by my mom. Horrible pranks, smart mouth, unnecessary stubbornness… I always vowed to never raise hands. Let’s see πŸ˜€
    Please dont worry about R’s fixation with fair skin. Its just a phase. If I could survive fair skin prejudices with prejudice-reinforcing people around me, R is sure to with you supporting her.

    Happy Birthday R! You are good kid too just as your mom is a good lady :D. But I agree with you that your mom will look gorgeous in completely grey hair. Mission Grey Hair?

    • R's Mom says:

      LOL and you still love your Mom right ???

      I hope its a phase rey…it just doesnt seem to go!

      LOL on mission Grey hair :):) hehehehehe

  29. Happy birthday, R! May the sixth year bring with it tons of new experiences for you that your mom can write about and enthrall your already solid fan base!

  30. swara says:

    Wish you a very Happy Birthday R!!
    RM, she is such a cutie pie and sweet little girl, went next day to apologize. Big hugs to you R. RM, you are not a strict mother, you are sweet person and brilliant mom!!

  31. Oh RM this letter have me tears and goosebumps . You both are do adorable and sweet. Happy 6 to my dear R!!

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