Dear R

I really hope you dont ever have to be a grown up. Because being a grown up really sucks. Of course, that’s not going to happen because growing up is the only truth in life. The reality. Like your father says, the only predictable thing that will happen to you in life, is your death.

I know you are in a hurry to turn 18 because then you can wear your make up, and drive your own car, go to office, things that Amma says you will be allowed to do when you are 18. But my darling, I just want to tell you that being grown up is not really a great thing. I think its extremely over rated.

I wonder why grown ups are so difficult. Managing the intricacies of relationships, becoming ‘responsible’, having to behave one self, balancing between opposing forces, showing your good side to folks all the time, having to think before you talk, worry about where the next meal is going to come from, uff! I tell you R, your life is really enviable.

When we grow older, we seem to forget the real perspectives in life. As a child, you just want to live. Live to feel emotions. Happiness, sadness, enjoyment, enthusiasm, fun. I wonder why we forget all that when we grow older. WE seem to bother about the silliest of things. Worry about the stupidest of problems and then think about so much of unspoken stuff.

Your life is just black and white. You know, Amma scolds, Amma not good, Appa hugs, Appa good. After two mintues, its Amma cuddles, Amma good, Appa makes me have a bath, Appa not good. Thats it. No shades of grey. Grey, I tell you darling, is a very deceptive colour. It is not what is looks like. Calm, serene, soft. Nope. Most grown ups have shades of grey in them. And its this greyness which makes them so unpredictable. They look like they are the lovliest of people, but unfortunately come up with the most hurtful comments. As you grow older, the blacks and whites merge to greys, and that my darling, is something, which is not as great as it seems to be.

Or look at the way you told me the other day, that you dont like a particular person in your class. Why R? I ask you in astonishment. Well, I dont like her, Amma, and she doesnt like me either. So we dont talk to each other. We just smile when we have to.

Personally I think its an awesome way to live your life. Talk to folks you are comfortable talking to. Or else just smile and let it be. The fakeness of a relationship, the pseudo caring nature, the Oh dont worry I am here for you but actually you are a bitch attitude is not there. I like you, I talk to you, I dont like you, I dont talk to you. Thats the kind of nature which is good. But grown ups just spoil it all darling.

I hope you continue to be a kid as long as you can, because trust me, kid, life is much better as a kid than as a grown up.

Your Grown up Amma


About R's Mom

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47 Responses to Dear R

  1. Hey, someone seems to have hurt you. Great piece of advice though. On a lighter note, its scary that they’ll never grow up meaning we’ll have to run around them for our entire lives. πŸ™‚

  2. Maya says:

    One of your best posts yet, RM! Superb! πŸ™‚

  3. Tharani says:

    😦 😦
    What a lovely post RM. You have written it so beautifully. Hugs. Yes. Grown ups spoil everything

  4. Shweta says:

    Lovely Lovely Lovely RM….I loved the way you put your feelings across…Although I hate growing up myself, I sensed pessimism in the always optimistic side of your personality…Whatever is bothering you, hope it sorts out itself soon.
    And may I add, Stay as a kid always…

  5. “A child can always teach an adult 3 things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” ..Paulo Coelho

    I’ve always marvelled at how children make friends so easily and in no time. On the other hand, adults get into thinking, evaluating, judging, etc., etc., and many times decide not to offer the hand of friendship.

  6. sjscribbles says:

    RM, Nice write up.

    But sometimes – we are not left with a choice as a grown up to stay away from people we dislike – RM.

    For Ex, lets say in-laws. Just because they don’t like you and you don’t like them – doesn’t give us sufficient reason to stay away from them or stop talking to them RM, even if they cause havoc in your life. We have to keep life going na,

    Do you think it would be right to just follow what we think is right (don’t speak to them ) and screw up the relationship with our spouses ?

    Being a grown up does not give us the choice to even be ourselves , RM !!!

  7. That was beautiful, RM. May R remain young and innocent for as long as she can.

  8. PT says:

    Hugs to you R’s Mom! I hope you feel better about being grown up eventually, we all go through these phases of feeling good and bad about our present situation in life. I do miss my childhood but am really glad to be a grown up most of the times. Even with all the inevitable struggles there is so much to be thankful for..and I am.

    I am glad adults don’t just talk to people who they like but have to communicate with those they don’t like as well. Human relationships are so dynamic and constantly evolving, keeping the communication alive gives it a chance to transform into something more fruitful. A few of my best friends were people I didn’t really like earlier, can’t imagine what a great loss it would have been had we not given each other a chance, had we never spoken and gone our own ways. There will always be those people in our lives that we just cannot come to like and they are living examples of how we never want to be, communication makes us never forget them and with time teach us how to deal with people like them.

  9. R can still hold her own when she grows up. I cant fake it, which leaves me with few but super good friends. As long as she knows what she wants to stand up for, you have done your task well. Hugs…. But yeah, I am just hating growing up. Sigghhh

  10. pixie says:


  11. Childhood and especially the school days are some of the most treasured moments of my life:)
    Really miss my childhood days and sometimes I wish I never grew up. But then, each phase of life has its own significance.
    This post reminds me of something that one of our teachers had told us in school…..”keep the child in you alive…always!!!”
    Somewhere along the way we tend to ignore the child in us and let the grown up self take over. I guess children are God’s way of reminding us of the innocence, curiosity, simplicity, straightforwardness and unbriddled happiness that we have left behind πŸ™‚

  12. srividhya17 says:

    Good one. Its very true about the shades of grey. Hope the kids understand

  13. anisnest says:

    hugs dear.. why so much resentment? but whatever you said is so true RM..

  14. Scribby says:

    sigh, growing up! I keep getting this thought in my head, I want to stay protective of little Chirpy and don’t want to expose her to the big bad world out there… I wish that was the case, we could pause, we could prolong, we could procrastinate growing up 😦

  15. Ashwathy says:

    I hope you are ok. You just sound… dunno… frustrated?

    It’s true though………. childhood is so simple. Where do we go horribly wrong while growing up? 😐

  16. Makes so much of sense, RM! Lovely letter.

  17. Smita says:

    I loved loved loved this matter of fact n sweet letter!!!

  18. Tuppence says:

    R’s Mom – Such a lovely write up .
    After reading this I realized that with my 2 – year old , I have been in a hurry for her to grow up!
    Then I got reminded of something I wrote a while ago on my blog (Though I didn’t have a baby then )

    – Tuppence / Bubble Ink

  19. Vidya says:

    Oye, R is going to grow up into a happy adult and she will be as carefree then as she is now. She has two wonderful Rs for her parents. So just chill!

  20. Sangitha says:

    What? You grew up? When, how? I am trying to stay un-grown up as much as possible and it is tough! Emphasis added on tough.

    My kids are waiting to vote and drink tea. Everything else about being grown up, they’re ready to pass on, I think! Much smarter than I was, these kids! πŸ™‚

  21. πŸ™‚ that was quite heartfelt! hope all is ok πŸ˜€ You sounded kinda annoyed. Ok not annoyed, hurt maybe? πŸ™‚ Hugs anyway!

  22. Deeps says:

    Big tight hugs RM! Its a beautiful beautiful post, with such clarity of thoughts! Wish I so wish life were as innocent and simple as that!

    One of your best posts…just LOVED it πŸ™‚

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