I read this in the Sunday edition of Times of India the other day.
Arguing in front of children?
I have never seen my parents fight. I swear. Its funny, but both bro and I can swear that our parents never really argued or fought in front of us. Yes, Amma would tell Appa to keep his bag at the right place or not throw his books around, but it was the same way she would tell us. I have never ever seen my father raise his voice against my mother. Never.
And he has never shouted at her AT ALL. Ever. I am not sure if they had fights when bro and I were not around, but in front of us, never. They both consulted each other for EVERY decision and they both came to a consensus without a fight!
They can read each other’s thoughts and if Amma asks Appa for something, he does it immediately, or at least responds to her that it will be done and does it eventually. When Appa asks Amma for something, same thing, it will be done.
My parents are, what a lot of people call, the epitome of the perfect marriage. Even today, each can complete the other person’s thoughts and sentences. So this is how I have been brought up, where the spouse never fights, never argues and they always find a middle path.
When I got married to RD, unfortunately, thats what I expected. That I could shout at him for something, and he would just do it, respond immediately, not shout back. But much to my dismay, he argued back. I was shocked! to the core. Thats not right, how could I get married to such a guy. He argues with me! It happened again and again, until I couldnt take it anymore and confessed to my mom that this guy argues with me and we have proper fights. Amma told me over the phone that its normal in a marriage to have arguments and fights, as long as they dont get physical and you fight with each other with respect. I was a bit hopeful after I spoke to her, but still couldnt believe that people in marriages can fight.
Until, I slowly started realising that it happens in most marriages. People argue, people fight, and people reconcile. Its normal. What my parents have is something thats different (abnormal??) IT happened with my cousins, friends, RD’s friends, everyone. I realised that I had been brought up in an Utopian world! and I realised it pretty nice after an argument, because you have taken out your ‘dil ki bhadash‘ and are feeling nice after it. And till date, most arguments with RD end in a sorry from both our ends and we then find the middle path. Of course, we do have our skirmishes as RD calls them, but they have come down a bit.
About arguing in front of the kid – I think, as long as its done with respect for each other, and only the issue is discussed (and not what your mama ka step son’s ka wife ka brother told me!) its totally fine. From personal experience, RD and I do argue in front of R, with fights ranging from you didnt dry the clothes in the machine, to why do you have to always keep the switch on? From, cant you even remember to pay that bill to who asked you to keep the milk into the fridge, it was supposed to be curd!! and stuff like that. I dont want R to get into a shock, like I did at the start of my marriage. I want her to understand that there is a way to argue, as long as you dont play dirty.
My parents didnt do us any harm by not arguing you know, its just that bro and I lived in a different world until reality sucked us in after marriage 🙂
Cross posted on IMC