Its human nature to dislike the word ‘no’. And yet, we seem to use it again and again on our children.
No, dont touch that switch
No, you cant have another chocolate
No, you will not go to bed in that red skirt
No, you will not get chips for breakfast.
and more and more ‘No’.
Personally, I firmly believe, that children should be denied stuff which is not needed for them. I believe that as a parent, I should be letting my child know that enough is enough. Giving the child whatever they ask for often results in a child having unnecessary expectations. As a parent, you may satisfy ALL the demands of the kid, but what when the kid grows older. Will the child be able to accept ‘no’ from others? Wouldnt it hurt the child’s sentiments?The other day, R wanted to see a dance video on RD’s phone. I told her either I read her the book now or she watches the video since it was getting late for bed. She opted for the video. I asked her again, and she opted for the video saying she DOES NOT want to read the book. I left it, climbed up and closed my eyes.
After 7-8 minutes of the video, she came to me, snuggled up and said ‘Amma read the book’
I told her I couldnt since she chose the video. She pleaded, cried, threw a tantrum, but I held ground. Finally I told her, if she wanted I would read the same book TWICE the next day, but at that moment, she wasnt getting it!
She realised I was not budging and just went off the sleep. My point is, as a mother, I felt bad about depriving her the joy of reading, but again as a mother, I had to teach her that you cant have the cake and eat it too!
Over the years, I have learnt that no one likes to hear no. What people prefer (people here includes children and adults) is perhaps an alternate to the no.
To teach a child not to draw on the walls, but you could perhaps give them a corner with white paper stuck on it to draw.
Instead of chips for breakfast, you can ask them to eat a bit of it during the day
Instead of chocolates everyday, ask them to eat it once or twice a week, telling them the problems of eating too much chocolate
Instead of the red dress, give an alternative between three other dresses and explain the red dress can be saved for an occasion
and so..you get the drift eh?
Giving an alternative to the kid makes them feel that they are not denied stuff.
I am no expert in parenting, but I am making a conscious effort, to teach the brat, that she cant have everything in life, and yet there are other things in life which she can look forward to.
Baby steps for me, but I hope it teaches her some facts of life!
Cross posted on IMC