Yesterday, DI (http://foreverinbluejeans.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/oh-babe-i-hate-to-go/) wrote a post about how she is moving and wrote this extremely insightful sentence
For someone who hates monotony of any sort, I am pretty resistant to change.
I am like her, I hate monotony, but I am very very resistant to change. Change of place, change of job, change of people, change of routine, change of anything. So much so, that I am not a big fan of having a bath as well, because that means change of clothes eh? (Dont worry, you can visit me anyways, I have a bath daily, or else the 5-bath-a-day RD would leave me and go eh?) Anyways so the point is, I hate change.
But now a days, I am craving for a change.
A change of job
A change of location
A change of any sort.
I think I have reached a level when I am so used to the kind of work I am doing, that it doesnt excite me anymore. I feel I am doing the same rut all the time. I want to change my job, but I am worried whether I can manage again in a new environment. Infact, this company is the one I have stayed the longest and its an achievement. And the fact that I am not even looking for another job surprises me.
I want to do something different in life, you know. Something that makes me feel human. I feel so robotic getting up coming to work, go home, sleep, get up again. Its not something I think I can carry on for long. I am one of those people who want to have a 9 to 5 job. For me its a kind of security. I work for the pay cheque. I am not someone who can leave her job and follow her passion.
The point being, I dont even know what my passion is!
I really dont know what it is. What do I like to do? Sleep, read, eat. How can I do anything constructive with that. I am not good at baking, or cooking or drawing or painting or anything. I am just so normal that for me to even look at starting off something on my own, seems to be impossible. And honestly, I dont have the guts. Despite of what RD tells me. Leave your job and start writing. Writing what?
Writing a blog is nothing like writing a book or writing for a magazine. I dont think I can write professionally. I will be a failure. Where does that lead me? Does someone pay to sleep, eat and read? nah! I dont think so.
But I am definitely looking for a change. I am looking for my passion. I am looking to get something which will make me change my course of life. Sangi found her passion as she says in this post of hers (http://lifeandtimesinbangalore.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/finding-passion/). I must admit, I was a tad bit jealous when I read that post. then I was extremely happy that here is someone who loves what she is doing. What more can one ask for a friend!
I must admit I am at awe at people who can leave the security of a job and start off on their own. Take the risk, look ahead, and follow what they feel is their passion. We after all, live only once. So why not live it the way you want it to be. I admire people who enjoy what they do, who earn money from what is their passion. Imagine how wonderful it would be to wake up and say yipeee I am going to do xyz and I would love doing it AND I am also getting money for it. How awesome is that!
I do believe, some day, some day, I will have the guts to follow my passion. Of course, that works only if I figure out what it is eh?
Let me get back to contemplating what I am passionate about…