For the Want of A Passion!

Yesterday, DI ( wrote a post about how she is moving and wrote this extremely insightful sentence

For someone who hates monotony of any sort, I am pretty resistant to change.

I am like her, I hate monotony, but I am very very resistant to change. Change of place, change of job, change of people, change of routine, change of anything. So much so, that I am not a big fan of having a bath as well, because that means change of clothes eh? (Dont worry, you can visit me anyways, I have a bath daily, or else the 5-bath-a-day RD would leave me and go eh?) Anyways so the point is, I hate change.

But now a days, I am craving for a change.

A change of job

A change of location

A change of any sort.

I think I have reached a level when I am so used to the kind of work I am doing, that it doesnt excite me anymore. I feel I am doing the same rut all the time. I want to change my job, but I am worried whether I can manage again in a new environment. Infact, this company is the one I have stayed the longest and its an achievement. And the fact that I am not even looking for another job surprises me.

I want to do something different in life, you know. Something that makes me feel human. I feel so robotic getting up coming to work, go home, sleep, get up again. Its not something I think I can carry on for long. I am one of those people who want to have a 9 to 5 job. For me its a kind of security. I work for the pay cheque. I am not someone who can leave her job and follow her passion.

The point being, I dont even know what my passion is!

I really dont know what it is. What do I like to do? Sleep, read, eat. How can I do anything constructive with that. I am not good at baking, or cooking or drawing or painting or anything. I am just so normal that for me to even look at starting off something on my own, seems to be impossible. And honestly, I dont have the guts. Despite of what RD tells me. Leave your job and start writing. Writing what?

Writing a blog is nothing like writing a book or writing for a magazine. I dont think I can write professionally. I will be a failure. Where does that lead me? Does someone pay to sleep, eat and read? nah! I dont think so.

But I am definitely looking for a change. I am looking for my passion. I am looking to get something which will make me change my course of life. Sangi found her passion as she says in this post of hers ( I must admit, I was a tad bit jealous when I read that post. then I was extremely happy that here is someone who loves what she is doing. What more can one ask for a friend!
I must admit I am at awe at people who can leave the security of a job and start off on their own. Take the risk, look ahead, and follow what they feel is their passion. We after all, live only once. So why not live it the way you want it to be. I admire people who enjoy what they do, who earn money from what is their passion. Imagine how wonderful it would be to wake up and say yipeee I am going to do xyz and I would love doing it AND I am also getting money for it. How awesome is that!

I do believe, some day, some day, I will have the guts to follow my passion. Of course, that works only if I figure out what it is eh?

Let me get back to contemplating what I am passionate about…


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63 Responses to For the Want of A Passion!

  1. Santulan says:

    I don’t know, but can you afford to go on a sabbatical? Take a looooong chhuti.. Spend some time with family, spend some time away from family. Take some time to bring things back in to perspective.

  2. uma says:

    well..ek andha doosre ko kya raasta know what I mean..:-) What about dancing? You are passionate about that, right? then, that awesome warli painting on clothes that you do..why don’t you explore that? Again, you have a lovely imagination when it comes to children’s stories..maybe you can concentrate on that part? I’m sure very soon you’ll find what your passion is. All the best! 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      I know what you are talking did write something similar didnt you and thats when we discussed you taking up interior designing eh?

      I dont know if I can become a story writer, it needs a lot of imagination

  3. chaitali says:

    Very True RM, even my job is monotous, and i don’t think i have any passion which can give me financial security i think its almost same with most of us..
    so to make up for it i think on weekend i do wat i really enjoy.. doing it may not bring money but yeah some satisfication..

  4. For as far as I know as a regular reader, you can turn int an amazing children writer, and as far as the security goes, start part time, online before you can take up anything full time.

  5. summerscript says:

    I almost feel the same. I want to do something which I like, something I am/will be good at. But I don’t know what I am good at.

    May be, people who are successful today would have started at the same point where we are today – finding out what they are passionate about?

    On the other hand I really like your writing. It is not ordinary to write something meaningful every single day and that too which makes people feel good, laugh and feel happy about.Many things which you write about – like things you see on your way to office everyday, weekend work etc, many people would be doing it but how many can put it in such a way like you do! You are talented RM. May be our second step is to accept that we are good at something 😀

    uff! Oh Look at what all I have typed! I am talented! I am talented in giving free advice! 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      I agree that people think my blog is fun, but it doesnt translate into a book or something rey..the point of a blog is to write your thoughts, however mundane..and honestly I do write about mundane stuff!

  6. And nothing can match up the joy when n your passion also earns you a livelihood.

  7. DI says:

    Welcome to my world RM! If you are like me in the whole change resistance thing, I am EXACTLY like you about not knowing what my passion is, but wanting to follow it anyway. I need my 9 to 5 secure job with a paycheck too. I want to wake up and go yippee!, I am off to do what I love too. But I just don’t know what it is.

    I have realised I like writing, but I know I cannot do ‘real writing’, so that wont work. Also, I am not one who can quit, give this a shot , try making big in it, and not succeed and be ok to come back to work. I cannot afford to. So basically, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO either. God only help us

    Heh, I was useless no, no ideas? But atleast you found someone who feels EXACTLY the same. Sigh.

  8. I think you would make a fantastic teacher. I remember reading on your blog that you liked a story-telling session that you did. Why not explore that option? Why don’t you do it sometimes on weekends and see if you can do it on a regular basis?

    Also, I would like to add here – earning money out of one’s passion does not mean a total lack of monotony. I am an in Cost Accountancy, a university ranker at that, and I gave up a secure career in accounting to pursue my passion – i.e. learning, reading, writing and editing. I can’t say there is no monotony in my work. I don’t always get to write what I want. I don’t always get to do what I want in my job. Sometimes, I have to take up projects, research and write on subjects that I have absolutely no interest in. Even if I do start my own business, I can’t say I would always be doing what I like to do. I know I will have to take up other stuff, too.

    BTW, there are a lot of tests available on the internet which supposedly help you find your true passion in life, if you are confused. I am not sure if they work, but why don’t you just try that out and see? Google is the answer to all questions! 🙂 Here’s one such link, for instance:

    • R's Mom says:

      Wow! you are awesome TGND…I didnt realise you were a topper in accounts..and then now doing writing sure are a rockstar!

      Thanks for that link..but now I have two issues..finding a passion AND find a mentor :(:(

      • I am dumb, according to a lot of people. 🙂

        You don’t necessarily have to follow that link. Just google for ‘finding your passion in life’ and you will come up with several tests, most of which will not require a mentor, I believe.

  9. Varsh says:

    I’m like you RM, still looking for my passion. There are things I like and enjoy but I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave everything I have to follow something that my heart truly has a passion for, since I don’t know what my passion is! Wait…what did I just write? *confused*
    I envy those people who can make their passion their profession. I don’t think I can do it. The whole fun of pursuing it would simply go then. Writing, for example, can help earn money but I can’t write anything more than what I write on my blog. 😦
    Let us hope we find what we’re looking for soon. Hugs. 🙂

  10. Smitha says:

    Can I say same pinch? Not about the change bit, but about the ‘not knowing your passion bit(

    I really enjoyd my job though. I took a break for various reasons, but now, I want to go back to work, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. It makes me wish that i had that passion about something, that made me go and do something on my own. Something that I loved and am good at. Sigh.

    • R's Mom says:

      Its good to know you enjoyed your job..thats a big positive eh?

      • Gayatri says:

        Same pinch. Those are my current thoughts specially since I have to look for jobs soon. I don’t think we can afford to live on one salary. Its doable but I don’t have any passion for which I could sacrifice salary for. :(. At least you weave wonderful stories for R, can dance, can paint warli on T-shirts. On a serious note, you should take your stories about veggies and others to Tulika books. I’m not suggesting that as an alternative career but those stories are wonderful and short and are worth publicising (Even Hanuman needed someone to remind him of his strength! a mythology link for you). Good luck:).

        • R's Mom says:

          LOL on Hanuman…honestly Gayatri I dont think I have the guts to send it to them! but let me see if I can perhaps polish it and check..thanks for the encouragement 🙂

  11. Sumana says:

    RM, i tell you, the first few years after the kids were born and till they turned a little older i had the dilemma about to work or stay home. Now that they are little bigger, i think my next dilemma is the same exact same you are talking about. I need a career change or a job change. But then i feel insecure doing that. Not that i think too much of society.

    • R's Mom says:

      Hugs Sumana…I never wanted to be a stay at home mom..I was very sure of that! But now doing the same thing again and again..I know now! may be I should just start searching for another job..that may help!

  12. sangeethamenon says:

    Hi RM,

    Do you know a girl , who was bright in her studys , 90 percentile in all subjects ,spcly in Science became an Electrical and Electronics Engineer , though she was least interested in it . And then she gets placement in the top notch IT company . There also she is clueless as she couldnt find anything passionate . the gal is now a new momma , and till this girl doesnt know waht she is passionate about in her life, true that gal errr ..woman is me !!

    I have been amazed by people living their passion , but what to do if I dont know what ma passion is ? Everyday I ask my hubby this a hell lot times , bechaara he is sooo used to it , that to the extend he asks me ‘ So what is your grievance for today from your never ending list ?’ the moments he is back home from work..

    So there are others too like me , atlast some peace of mind for me … RM I could understand you completely 🙂

  13. Smita says:

    Sigh!!! Looked like I was reading my story!!! We don’t what change we want but change we want!!

  14. Swaram says:

    It’s difficult till you find it or rather realize what it is 😛 Then it just goes on RM 🙂 Atleast that’s what I feel. Take the plunge and it propels you forward 🙂 All the best with finding your passion 🙂 Hugsss!

    P.S: What! U don’t know anything? What about those pretty Warli paintings? Am def. gonna demand one when we meet 😛

    • R's Mom says:

      You Swaram, I repeat, are an inspiration…I am at awe at the fact that you figured out your passion and are able to follow it *salutes*

      Will do a t shirt for you for sure when we meet up okay?

  15. PK says:

    Commenting for the 1st time here. Love your blog and the lovely, “R” Family:)

    Passion is nothing but doing things we love. Trust me, writing is not easy nor painting or dance, all three that you do with so much ease. Unless you believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Change is not easy but its the only constant thing in life.

    Most of us work simply because we have EMI’s to pay but trust me, if we have faith in your ability and trust the higher power and are ready to work hard, we can achieve a lot in life. We need to continuously motivate and challenge ourselves.

    Most of us live life with such a closed mind. We unduly worry of our future and rarely enjoy our present. Our mind keeps us rooted by making us believe in our fears and stops us from taking bold steps. Life is meant to be lived and experienced. Unless you take the first step towards your happiness, you will never be able to experience joy in the real sense.

    You don’t need to leave your job immediately but you can start seriously checking out various options that you can invest your time and effort in. Take one step at a time but move towards your dream. All the best.
    Warm Regards.

    • R's Mom says:

      Dear PK, thanks so much for commenting..and more importantly bringing things to perspective! I consider myself lucky to have so many virtual friends who make my outlook so much broader..

      thanks..will keep in mind to enjoy the present


  16. Sangitha says:

    I had to kiss a lot of frogs before this happened to me, R’s Mom. Am very grateful it happened but now that I look back, it feels like everything I did before was leading up to this point. What you are doing is important and you like it enough to do it. Maybe it is just more of challenge you need in your role, even in the same company?

    I was so unhappy with the accounting thing that after some time, it was sheer stubborn ego that ensured that I didn’t get myself fired from not going in one important morning. So doing it for too long would have meant putting myself in mental health places I didn’t want to go, you know? Volunteering and contributing to pet causes was one way that worked for me, in the time I had. Taking the kids along to see and experience volunteering made it something the entire family could do and be the better for.

    Left a few things undone in this process, felt horrible about that. It helped to figure out what I liked, even when it wasn’t very evident. The don’t-want-to-do list is easier to come up with! Am sure you’ll find it. Err, guess what? You’re so young! Jaded isn’t a word that I would ever associate with you!

    Hang in there and you will make it happen for yourself. Hugs!

    • R's Mom says:

      You are sure an inspiration Sangi…and guess you know that as well :):)

      Nah! I dont think I have gone to the extent of being jaded as such, but am sure getting there..I want to stop that before its too late..yes, I think I can always start with volunteering to book reading for kids..its something I really enjoyed doing..

  17. Rums says:

    RM, I U just spoke my mind!! I cant hug you enough!!BTW you cannot say you dont have a passion! you write extremely well 🙂

  18. Ashwathy says:

    You won’t be alone, quite a lot of people would be in the same boat as you.
    I was in your place last year this time. Very confused, unhappy in my job and lost in my personal life. No sense of direction, nothing. The sabbatical I took from work helped. Now I am back in action. I am not sure whether the direction Iam taking is meant for me or not, but well, let’s see. That’s the fun of it…to enjoy things as they come. Too much routine can also be boring na 🙂

  19. Comfy says:

    Me too RM, me too. Every single word you have written above is how I would write it too. No passion, running in circles day to day, doing the exact same thing and wondering where I am going with this. 😐

  20. Smita T says:

    Even I want to do something different… I dont want to do the same things that I did in previous co… and I am not sure… now since I am looking for a job… I end up applying for the ones I am trained / have exp for… but they are not exciting me at the moment… not sure where this is going to lead to… but as hubby says I am not putting all my efforts in finding a job… maybe it is due to lack of motivation to do the same thing again…

  21. Sreetama says:

    Amen! Thanks for sharing the links to 2 beautiful blog posts! Don’t worry, everything will fall into place at the right time. As they say, waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada na kisiko kuchh mila hai, na milega! I feel you have underestimated yourself in this post. Who says you just get up, cook, go to office, come back, sleep? What about the enormous activities in between like blogging, painting, dancing/choreographing, visiting workshops, writing stories, travelling, meeting new people, culinary experiments? Am sure your passion lies in them or beyond which you will find out & utilize soon!

  22. RH says:

    Hmmmm. I loved my job. But I quit bcoz husb was moving to USA and I tagged along. After coming back here, i had a child and now he is 2 years old. I so want to go back to the job I love but it’s so demanding and brutal and I know I would miss my child. So I have been searching for what my passion is and I come up with zilch except sleeping.

  23. Vidya says:

    Ummmm…. well….. ummmm… kya bolun? I seem to like several things, but sure if something will qualify as passion.. Girl, please don’t make me think, ok? It’s a lot of hard work.. Yeah, some get lucky pursuing a passion for career. Maybe we’ll get there eventually.. Till then, we’ll work for a living and continue our search 🙂

  24. Deeps says:

    I am going through a similar phase, RM! I am beginning to reach a saturation point living through the same routine every day..seriously craving for a change! So I hear you 🙂

    You know what, I agree with TGND, you’d make an excellent teacher. Why dont you consider switching your stream of work? You could try doing B.ed or even a kindergarten teacher’s course?

    Hugs, girl! I hope you find your calling soon 🙂

  25. telugumom says:

    Oh RM this post could not have come at a better time. I am kind of in that position where I want to find out what my passion is and build a career around it but, not sure where to start. Good Luck finding your passion 🙂

  26. Looks like we are on similar boat, I thought its being in US I feel this way, because everything here is damn organized, sometimes two days of my life looks exactly the same,like play rewind and play. I hate it, you would have seen how often we move and travel , it’s because I can never see myself at one place doing same.

    I too have so many passions but nothing to make it my career, all I can do is give you a right hug. Well if that makes you feel better.

  27. anisnest says:

    are you kidding us? you say you don’t know to paint and you paint all those t-shirts away for cousins.. In this post I could see myself as you RM.. hugs to you.. let’s join hands in hunting for our passion before its time to kiss the ground 🙂

  28. Swarna says:

    Here after a long long time….I second anisnest’s opinion. You have given words to most of our thoughts. Search for the passion, don’t know when it will start and where it will end. Take care 🙂

  29. I personally think one way of finding what you are passionate about it to think what you would be doing if someone put about $1000 a week into your bank account…basically, if money wasn’t an issue, what would you be doing. Without judging whether or not you are good at it. You can be passionate about something and work on it. I know for me I’m passionate about my job but at the same time, I’m passionate about writing. Will I ever publish a book or see my name in print? I don’t know. But in the mean time, the blog and my work keep me going. 🙂 I hope you find your passion…makes life so much more worthwhile!

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