The Parental Pressure

I go to the wash room. I see two ladies very seriously discussing something. I dont interfere, wash my hands and on my way out, I smile at them.
They look at me seriously.

RM: Is anything wrong?

Lady 1 (L1) : Yes yes..

RM: What happened? hope nothing serious?

Lady 2 (L2): Its her daughter’s class 12 results day after tomorrow

RM: Oh

L1: I am so tensed

RM: Tensed..why?

L1: arey, uska result hai. I am thinking of taking the day off tomorrow

RM: you mean day after tomorrow

L1: No no tomorrow, so that I dont have to listen to 100 people reminding me that its her result tomorrow

RM: Why would that bother you?

L1: Oh I am terribly tensed

RM: But, but,….if people ask you, just say its not your result, its your daughter’s result right? She wrote the papers…

L2: Arey RM, you wont understand, my daughter’s class 10 results will come right after the class 12 results, Id ont think I will be even able to hear about the results…I am so so tensed myself

By now, I am really confused, who gave the exams..

RM: But but…I still dont understand, why are you ladies tensed? if you are tensed, wont that scare your kids…its just results right..and we all know how reliable the 10 and 12th std results are..so its fine..and honestly, now that I have some maturity, I dont think the marks really matter so much…I know of loads of people who got only 40-50% in their boards, but now are earning twice of what I am..I dont think you should get so tensed about it and anyways you didnt write the papers, the kids did…

L1: You know last year, I was checking my cousin’s daughter’s results online and while the website was loading I got so tensed that my BP shot up and I had severe head ache..

Now I am wondering what I will be doing day after tomorrow

L2: I think I will just faint and will need to be hospitalised

RM: but but..its only results right..do we really need to take so much tension about it

L2: you wont know now RM, your kid is only in Jr. Kg..let her come to class 10 and 12, let me see how you are

RM: !!!!!!!!

Honestly, as parents, are we putting unnecessary pressure on our kids by getting so tensed about their results? Will the kids feel the pressure? Will they bother about not meeting their parents expectations? are parents measuring their success on their children’s results? Isnt that wrong?

God, please please dont let me be like L1 and L2 when my child gives her boards…

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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43 Responses to The Parental Pressure

  1. Santulan says:

    hota hai.. Many parents and relatives go bonkers about their child’s results.. BP shooting up is not unheard of.. And when the family goes like this, the poor kid gets even more worked up..

  2. Sreetama says:

    Amen! I know you are much cooler than them & handle the board results calmly and even encourage R to stay cool & not to give in to the pressure. I know it is tough as the cut offs are shooting up in the universities and they won’t even consider even if 1 mark is less. But still I believe there is enough scope and opportunity for students and something good is kept in store for everybody. Whatever happens, happens for good. Wish the kids very best for their results.

    • R's Mom says:

      I hope so Sreetama, that I remain cool πŸ™‚

      I can understand the situation now a days with marks getting higher and higher and cut offs getting so close

  3. Don’t worry you will defenitely not become like L1 and L2 . You are such a cool mother πŸ™‚

  4. Sreetama says:

    My youngest cousin brother didn’t attend my wedding as his board exams were going on at that time. Recently his result was out and he has scored 86% but not happy. He said his Physics and Mathematics scores were not up to the mark, otherwise he would’ve got above 90%. I said never mind, uncle & aunty are happy na? He said, what happy? They are still cribbing about me sticking to 80s and not able to score even 90%. I was so shocked and felt bad for the poor kid brother! Consoled him by saying there’s no end to the false hope. Had you touched the 90% mark, your parents would’ve thought why not 95%? If you had scored 95%, it would be 98% that you & your folks would hope for. Wish him & all the other kids in the same boat a happy future ahead!

  5. chipmunk says:

    I will say, these too people exaggerate things!!! after all its result, if not once there is a second time! they never have this pressure before the kid appear for exam, but why these people think after the exam are done!!!
    Move on RM, this is utter bla bla activity!

  6. Smitha says:

    That is totally mad! How can they be in such a state. If they are this tensed, can’t even imagine their children’s condition! They must be doubly tensed, worries about their marks and their parents tension!
    Is there any surprise that so many children attempt suicide because of their results!

    I agree with you, all I can hope is that I am never like this with daughter.

  7. Deeps says:

    I have never understood those parents who load their kids with their unjust pressure and mounting expectations without realizing how crushed the kids might feel under that load!
    Having said that, RM, I can totally understand the anxiety of a parent whose child must have appeared for board exams or any exam for that matter. Its natural to feel anxious about your child’s progress. But what I find unfair is when parents thrust their anxieties and worries upon their kids with constant nagging and pushing to perform..

  8. God, that sure is A LOT of pressure! Of course, the child will feel it!

    I hope I am not that way too, when I my child is going to get his/her board exam results. πŸ™‚

  9. Smita says:

    Sigh!!! When will things change in our society. When will we stop thinking about what others think about our kids results? I guess only when we ourselves stop doing it. Like you I too have been telling many ppl around me that results are ultimately results they do not matter more than your kid but sadly very few ppl listen to me and at most they say “we will see when it happens to you”. Earlier I had no answer for them but now I say that I have put my kid in a school which treats kids differently so by doing that I am trying to do what I preach.

    In fact that day my MIL was worried that we have put A in a school where they won’t teach him writing till class 1 and how will he cope etc. I & Hubby though are very clear that we will not pressurize our Kid and we feel his creativity will be bext explored in this school. And if we can make a difference it has to be with our own kid.

    Amen to your last stmt.

    • R's Mom says:

      and I feel R’s school started making her write too soon…I think class 1 is the right age for kids to learn how to write!!

      Glad you and hubby are like this Smita..we need more people in the world like you!

  10. uma says:

    sheesh! L1 and L2 need help. Send them to a shrink and I’ll pray to God that their kids don’t have to pay for their stupid thinking :-0

  11. Sumana says:

    Arey RM, you are talking about 10th and 12th results. I see people getting tensed on admissions into so and so school and what if someone else grabs a chance and what not. Forget academics, people are bothered about some silly extra curricular classes as well.

  12. Ashwathy says:

    I think parents take it upon themselves a lot more harshly than kids do, about their kids’ mistakes and failures. Having said that, the incident you mentioned seems to be taking it to absolute extreme. This is not healthy. It also sets a bad precedent for kids to follow.

  13. ashreyamom says:

    today is R’s b’day na??

  14. RH says:

    No wonder some students attempt suicide when they fail in their boards.

  15. RajK says:

    Nice post…but I’m wondering where your post about Balasaheb went.

  16. Heh. It sometimes also becomes something of a competition amongst the mothers themselves–you know, something like, I am more tensed up than xyz because my child is that much better at studies than hers!!!. It’s ridiculous for sure.

  17. aarya says:

    Unfortunately this is story of many parents. I have seen it around me all my life. One of my school friends actually was hospitalized due to depression because her parents put extreme pressure on her to do well. Don’t we read news about the students committing suicides when they fail the exams? I have seen kids who scored 90/100 crying because their parents would punish them for the loss of those 10 marks. Thankfully, my parents never forced any of us. They were strict when it came to study hours but never ever raised voice or punished when any of us did bad in academics. My mom herself was great in academics all her life, what with university topper and all and my dad is a doctor, but they just encouraged us to give our best and never put any pressure.
    I am sure you’ll turn out to be a great parent, now that you understand that academics plays only a small part in what you’ll earn some day. It is the knowledge she gains in the process that’ll help her lead a successful life.

  18. anisnest says:

    hmm.. I don’t know how I will be.. yes I totally agree that marks doesn’t decide the future but I am confused.. If I am not bothered about their grade then will I send wrong message to them? will I suppress an already well performing kid? I am always confused about this topic RM..
    but I will definitely not be as much tensed as L1 or L2. at least I will not show my tension or pressure to my kids..

  19. Deepa says:

    The one who took 50% in Class 12 is me :), in fact my math score was 36 (I just passed). I did pretty well in my undergrad and grad school and now, I am in a Sr. Management position earning a pretty decent salary in USA. Seriously, these results are over rated!
    In the end, if you are smart, you will do well in life, period!

  20. Jazz says:

    There was a status on Facebook about parents posting I’m proud my kid scored so&so, would they have been proud if the kids had not fared well. How true na.

    You know RM, Ims’ aunt and uncle are so stressed for their son’s class 12 results that they got high fever, I was shocked to hear this. My bro and sis got theirs recently too but there is not so much tension and anxiousness for it at home. When my Mom was telling me hope bro scored better, he needs to cut down his other activities etc, I explained her what you wrote, that it is ok and to let them be.

    • R's Mom says:

      Gosh! they got fever :(:( thats so sad!

      Hope your bro and sis turn out to be really successful people…all the best for that πŸ™‚

  21. Archana says:

    Womygaud!! I dont want to be lady 1 or 2 either… at least I hope I wont be. How were your parents? Mine were totally chiil, a day before 12th chemistry board exam, they actually took me shopping (Globus) to calm my nerves.

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