Judgemental – Blogging Marathon Post 29

I remember that scene from English Vinglish very vividly of Sridevi asking her niece about ‘being judgemental’ and the explanation about it

I am wondering how ‘judgemental’ I am…I think I was more judgemental earlier, than I am now…Now, I am making a conscious effort not to be ‘judgemental’
Whether I agree to the other person or not, I am trying my level best to adopt a neutral view, a view which tries to look at the opposite person’s view point as well..

I may not agree in most cases, but I dont judge the other person as bad/orthodox/selfish/opiniated etc…I just try to be objective and neutral..and trust me, its not easy…

I do get bugged when people expect you to follow really weird rituals and then I get judgmental about them..like I mentioned in my previous post about Chittappa’s funeral….I dont want to..I mean, seriously, they are just following what they feel is perfectly fine to follow or what they have been taught to follow, and who am I to judge them?

Or when someone in the family talks about someone else not really feeling sorry and behaving normally despite the death…I mean what do you expect? that everyone should just spend their time crying or should they make an effort to move on? But, I am trying not to be judgemental about it..fine its their opinion and just because they feel like that, doesnt mean the person in sorrow is wrong eh?

or when a mother feeds chips to her crying child at the airport…I did the same to R on Sunday while trying back from Calcutta, and smack it to me, that I had no right being judgemental about that mother earlier…as you sow, so you reap eh?

or when a person says he follows a particular ritual because he finds peace in it…who am I to judge what the guy wants to do…let him do it? but trust me, I used to be judgemental about that person earlier..

I have realised, as long as the actions/words of the other person dont harm anyone in any manner, physically or emotionally, its better to just let things be…

I confess, I am finding it extremely difficult to be neutral, but at least I am trying to make an effort…I may immediately pass a statement which sounds terribly judgemental, but in hind sight, I am trying to correct myself…

Well, maturity settling in eh?

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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43 Responses to Judgemental – Blogging Marathon Post 29

  1. Nah…I can’t not be completely non-judgemental. I think I am especially judgemental around anti-feminist issues and misogynistic behaviours as well as religious and stupid stuff around that. Good on you though for trying to be neutral and getting there!

    • R's Mom says:

      I dont claim that I am completely non-judgemental..I would be super human then πŸ™‚ but yes, I am trying to make an effort not to get too judgemental…I am definitely like you in anti feminist issues etc..but I am just going to try to understand the other person’s view point as well πŸ™‚

  2. ashreyamom says:

    even i tried being neutral ,it never worked.. some how forming opinion has become part of me, breaking it and scratching from start is very difficult. now i realized, even commenting on a post would also be part of judging or raising opinion.

    • R's Mom says:

      Its difficult to be non-judgemental..but commenting on a post is an opinion right? you arent really being judgemental in that…I would not say putting in your comments in a post is being judgemental..you are just putting your opinion

  3. vethal says:

    those days brahmins used to be very poor so death and birth means they got lot of money to sustain. welll some of these rituals have lost meaning in the modern world. as you said we can feed a few than waste all the food in the name of rituals and customs.

    • R's Mom says:

      Well, there were loads of poor people vethal..I can understand taking money during marriages..but for death rituals..dont even get me started on what the priest wants and how much…I am refusing to be judgemental about that eh? πŸ™‚

  4. chaitali says:

    Yeah ur rite its difficult to be neutral, even i am trying to follow it, actual i got influential by reading urs and hiphopgrandma’s post.
    Anyways i have been reading a book about living life in a better way in which the author has cited an example he says “U can think Earth as a bathroom which has arrangement for cold water, hot water and other toiletries like say shampoo, face wash, dye etc. A person X enters a bathroom with a intention of getting fresh and has cold water bath, as it suits him the best. So it doesn’t mean that you mock the person X, just because you feel good after having bath with hot water bath or shampooing your hair. The arrangements done in the bathroom is to suit every genre and not just you, so you do whats suits you the best at the same time don’t mock at the arrangements done for others just because they are not required by you”.
    I felt it so rite after reading it as we try to judge others with our point of view and just ignore other needs. Even when i am writing this i try to recollect how many times i have been judgmental.. over the last couple of days as you say its difficult, but i need to practice it… so all the best

  5. I could have written this post myself, word for word. πŸ™‚ I think I used to be quite judgemental earlier, but I like to think that I am slowly changing. Blogging has changed me, in a lot of ways. As has more work experience, travelling, reading and talking to more people.

    • R's Mom says:

      I agree TGND, I have really changed a LOT after blogging..and I feel its for a good…I want to do a post on pre blogging RM and post blogging RM πŸ™‚

  6. Smita T says:

    You cant be neutral about the things you are passionate about and things that affect you… its quite normal to be judgmental about things… but yes we should not be judgmental about people…. its really difficult… somebody I used to think as snob is my best friend today… so even if you judge people… I think we should be open to change the opinion based on our exp….

  7. Ashwathy says:

    What a joy to find some of the comments in this new post already approved!! You are back on track! πŸ˜€

    Yes, how we judge others does not show how others are, but how we are πŸ™‚ Simple but profound, isn’t it?

    • R's Mom says:

      LOL! nahi Ashwathy…I am just approving the last comments first..still have a backlog πŸ™‚

      I agree…its simple in writing, but a tough act to follow eh?

  8. summerscript says:

    My problem is “the thought” happens too quickly even before I realize. I can easily find out if someone around me is judgemental. But when it comes to myself , it takes few minutes to realize. But I am trying it too.
    And as TGND says, blogging has changed (changing) me, my views on certain things in a good way!

  9. DI says:

    Agree, agree, agree. I usually try very consciously to be non-judgmental. I pretty much pride myself on it too. But recently I caught myself commenting on this couple who got their cild to a new year’s party we were at. Zo was sleeping at home because my MIL was home. And my husband scolded me for it because we could have been in that situation. Or even, we might be some day. I shut up.
    So yep, it takes effort but it totally makes sense to give someone a benefit of doubt for what they’re doing and not jump to conclusions!

    • R's Mom says:

      Gah! these husbands usually are right eh? but its true…in your case your MIL was there…thats what DI, I often end up doing what you did on new year eve..and then later realise I was wrong

  10. techie2mom says:

    i so agree to you, that “as long as the actions/words of the other person dont harm anyone in any manner, physically or emotionally, its better to just let things be”…
    I generally follow this rule and keep quiet even when i don’t agree to other person’s view point, but that doesn’t stop me from forming an opinion about something/somebody. That way i am opinionated/judgmental…Still trying to improve…

  11. Aditya says:

    The moment I read the title of this blog, “Manhattan” started playing in my head! What a lovely movie it was! While we should try not to be too judgemental, it is perfectly okay to have an opinion, weak or strong πŸ™‚

    And congratulations on your blogging marathon… you are almost nearing successful completion πŸ™‚

  12. I too try not to be judgemental but it just happens, but I too am trying a lot not to be, it takes time but I can never be neutral in my opinion but will defenetely reduce…Blogging has changed me too to an extent, mostly for good!

  13. Swaram says:

    Gud luck RM πŸ™‚ Right way to go indeed – to each his own, as long as they don’t try to impose their ideas on others πŸ™‚

  14. My Era says:

    In my case the reality is my mind is 24×7 too pre-occupied to even think about anyone / anything around me if I can actually avoid it. So if I were to write this post, I say I have stopped thinking and listening to the world. That’s not maturity, but senility settling into me πŸ˜‰
    Hugs RM, you are doing just fine πŸ™‚

  15. pixie says:

    Its hard to be completely non-judgemental. I try really hard… then, I see some lazy-good-for-nothing person doing something stupid and my resolve slips! 😦
    sigh!
    And religious rituals – I just keep quiet – I have an entire extended family that believes and follows everything!! so, its easy to simply stay quiet and get out of the way!

  16. Pepper says:

    I am just commenting to tell you I won’t be commenting on this issue πŸ˜› I have too much to say, so I think it makes sense to not say anything at all. Um, just like that.

  17. anisnest says:

    “as long as the actions/words of the other person dont harm anyone in any manner, physically or emotionally, its better to just let things be” – so so so true RM.. that’s the point I follow too…

  18. My husband says I’m judgmental even when it comes to food. As much as I want to punch him in the arm for that comment I do agree with him a bit.
    Maybe it’s each person’s environment and beliefs that made them who they are and we should just learn to accept the differences even if we don’t agree with it. Easier said than done, I know.

  19. Pingback: On judgement « for whom the bell tolls

  20. B says:

    BTW, whats wrong in feeding chips to a crying child or a smiling child, for that matter? I thought they are a great food for children.

  21. metherebel says:

    It is really hard to be non-judgmental. But like you even I am trying! I used to be quite judgmental before now I have got better. Like TGND said, blogging has helped.

  22. starsinmeyes says:

    It’s a tough balancing act. I can’t accept stuff people do when it’s very obviously harmful to the person or child they’re interacting with…and I speak up more nowadays…if at least to question or challenge patriarchal or misogynistic.attitudes. But I think being compassionate and gentle are something that can take the edge of judgment. If you understand where they’re coming from, and still hold on to your opinion, I think that’s fine.

    About religion…good point…just blogged about that and plan to blog some more. I agree…if someone finds peace through a ritual or culture, who are we to argue with it. Only, again, if it’s belittling females…again I do have judgments.

    Loved your post, esp the part about feeding chips πŸ˜€ I read somewhere that moms who get judged outside, for spoiling or disciplining their child, would actually just relax if someone spoke a gentle, supportive word. I know that when I’m doing something with my child in public that attracts attention, like giving a time-out or lecturing at the kid…I get more worked up feeling the judgments around me. So I wonder if a mom is ‘spoiling’ her kid for once with a lollipop, and feeling the judgments around her, someone saying a cheerful. “My that looks yummy! Wish I could have one.” might just take the pressure off.

    • R's Mom says:

      If you understand where they’re coming from, and still hold on to your opinion, I think that’s fine – Gah! you said it in one line what I wanted to say in their post :):) you rock!

      I loved that idea of the lollipop..wish someone would say that to me at times πŸ™‚

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