Dear Family of Mine – Blogging Marathon Post 28

Please note that if I ever decide to move on to the next world if there is any, DO NOT..I repeat, DO NOT do any rituals for me AT ALL…ever…

just give my eyes to the nearest eyebank and then just burn me or something..thats it…nothing else…if you really want to do anything, just give something to an orphanage, or an old age home..honestly…

I dont want any 10th day, 11th day, 12th day, 13th day or any day function..please…Remember me as the brat who made your life tough, instead of doing mindless rituals which seem to suffocate me!

I dont want anything to be done at all…

I attended Chitappa’s 10th day function in Calcutta yesterday and actually shed tears by the end of it…I missed him, I felt horrible inside when I saw my young-but-have-to-mature-suddenly cousin just do the rituals which seemed mindless to me..

Making an 8 month pregnant daughter of hisΒ  bend to do stuff which seem meaningless…I honestly was bugged..

RD kept giving me soothing looks hoping I dont flare up like crazy…but seriously, I doubt whether chittappa would have wanted all this

There is this ritual where we put food in a piece of veshti…nice food you know, rice and idlis, and vadas, and vadams, and appams…but the way its put…I mean…its sad that they expect that when a body goes away, a soul just wants to gobble everything down..its all put together…no demarcation or anything…heap the rice in the middle and then surround it by everything else..why why why?

The ladies of the house have to do this ritual with their hair open..seriously?

I am really upset about the whole thing…Thankfully, I didnt burst out, kept my mouth shut and just did what the priest was telling us to do…tried to help out my pregnant sister in law a little bit but the girl was so wanting to do for her father…I dont blame her!

Honestly, I found the entire 10th day function a waste of energy, time, money and food..for the lovely man that chittappa was, I am sure he would have agreed to me!

Thank God, I didnt stay further to do the other rituals…I am glad I am back to Bombday!

and some people may argue that the functions are held for 13 days so that the family adjusts to the loss..but seriously, after that what? everyone goes away, the lonliness sinks in and then you miss the guy even more is it?

I dont know, I am challenging rituals which have been forever in place…I am challenging sentiments of people who want to do it…

But, dear Family, I swear, for me, dont do any of these things..please please..

It will just make a happy soul sad 😦

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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33 Responses to Dear Family of Mine – Blogging Marathon Post 28

  1. anisnest says:

    agree with you RM but the society is far far away from realizing this…

  2. ashreyamom says:

    i agree with u RM.. we do so many meaningless rituals.. hope atleast things will change with our generation..

  3. Deeps says:

    Oh RM, hugs! Your words moved me!

    I completely understand and I am glad you have challenged our rituals, high time we all started questioning those ridiculous rituals and customs which fail to make any sense.

    Take care!

    • R's Mom says:

      Exactly, we definitely need to start questioning these rituals..some of them, I can understand, perhaps do have a scientific background but most of them seem so upsetting honestly

  4. sandhya says:

    Love you, RM. Just what I feel too. The meaninglessness of our rituals, especially if they are forced on us.

  5. Hugs, RM! I can completely, completely, completely relate to what you’re trying to say here. I feel EXACTLY the same way about after-death rituals. I don’t see any real purpose to them, at least not in these days. I might be termed as radical for doing so, but I can’t help the way I think about certain things in this world, these rituals one of those things. 😦

  6. Ashwathy says:

    I understand. I never believe in these rituals either. I find them totally meanningless. Donate the eyes, cremate the body. End of story.

  7. Zephyr says:

    I entirely agree about the rituals after death, RM. They are not only numbing, but also completely out of place in a house of mourning. There are some rituals with which I agree but not all of them, certainly not the ‘pathu’ food, or the fact that the rituals need to be done with wet clothes (all tendays) even if it is freezing. I have been planning a post on this for a long time, maybe I will write it soon.

    • R's Mom says:

      yes, some rituals are perhaps designed to ease the pain or for even scientific reasons..but what I witnessed there was really upsetting..waiting for your post of course πŸ™‚

  8. meenamenon says:

    hugs to u! I feel that everybody form our generation question the rituals cause it has been passed down with nobody telling us the menaing behind!

  9. Scribby says:

    Hey soul sister, Hugs dearest !!!

  10. Tanishka says:

    I soo agree to what you said RM…. Some rituals are simply a waste of time, food, and money which can rather be used for someone who needs it….

  11. pixie says:

    Hugs RM!!
    Its frustrating to watch all that! We watched for my FIL.. it was such a waste of everything..
    But, K and his bro did everything that was asked of them.. so did my MIL. But, I couldn’t help but wonder whether it was worth it all.. 😦

    • R's Mom says:

      thats what happened to RD and his cousin bro…I think RD is a lot more relaxed in that manner..he just does what is necessary at that point of time, its me who gets all bugged and worried 😦

  12. Agree with you on all counts! The rituals make no sense whatsoever. And don’t even get me started on women not being permitted to be part of the whole cremation and stuff.

  13. techie2mom says:

    I think it makes sense to let your family know about what you want them to do to your body after you leave. Then the family isn’t pushed into unnecessary rituals…

  14. Completely agree with you RM, sometime I feel dead people get more importance than when they are alive …

  15. vethal says:

    well said little fingers

  16. We recently had a death in the family, the first one that hit so close to home, and I finally found out a little about the rituals (though I wasn’t at the funeral or anything). Its just really baffling. I mean he donated his body for research because he didn’t want people to make a big deal out of things, and because he was one of the kindest souls i had the fortune of meeting, and yet these rituals just seemed so meaningless to me, trying to re-hash the loss and provide feasts and wear white all the time.

    I agree that some of it might be to related good energy so that his soul can move on (if there is a place to go, that is). I certainly want to hope that he is in a better place now. But, I don’t understand the need to have the 4,10,14, etc day events. People grieve in different ways, and having to face the public after such a loss is just cruel. We need to give people the space and time to grieve at their pace, not dictate what they must do.

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