Here is what I said on Pepper’s post
Sigh! I have tons to say Pepper, I should just make a post eh?
But, I actually agree with you on most points…but again, I would say, I am one of those types who believes in financial independence..in terms of me earning my own money..
wait, let me just do a post some day theek hai?
and here is what Pepper said
No, RM. You missed the point. Ofcourse, we all do believe in being financially independent and earning our own money. Why would anybody not believe in that? The point is – we have a choice right now. So this is not about your preferences. Consider another situation. You not being able to earn money for some reason. Perhaps you are sick for a year. Or you move to a place where you can’t work. Or a family member needs looking after. If you don’t have a choice but to give up your job for one of those reasons, would you hesitate to take money from RD? Would you rather live on your own personal savings? After that, what?
Similarly, if RD has to give up his job for some reason, would you think twice before supporting him financially? Would you give him the same freedom as you have to make decisions related to finances?
Now that both of you do have an income, how calculative are you in terms of who spends how much? Or do you feel comfortable with the idea of merging your funds and spending together?
This is really not about your belief in financial independence. This is more about the relationship you share with your partner. If you do a post, I would love to hear you address the questions I asked, instead of simply advocating financial independence.
I must admit, as I write this post, I have conflicting views in my mind…
I am a firm believer in financial independence…I believe every person must earn money, or make an effort to earn money, unless circumstances force you other wise.
But, I also believe that once you enter a marriage, its about ‘US’ than you and me. So if both the spouses are working, wouldnt it be better to have ‘US’ money than yours and my money. RD and I work pretty much like Pepper-Mint and LF-R..we just park our money into a joint account and then withdraw the needful.
Also, any major spending is discussed before buying…if we want to book tickets for parents, if we want to take a trip, if RD wants to buy a phone (he wants new ones all the time eh;) ), if I want to renew my library account..everything is discussed and agreed…there have been very rare times we have disagreed..and in that case, we just let it be…and then RD will sneakily bring up the topic when I am in a good benevolent mood and I have to agree to him..between the two of us, he is more generous and I am the stingy one…I always say no to buying anything..what? just saying for the records..
But, imagine if I wasnt earning…or lets say, I take a break from work. Will RD and I continue to have the same relationship..will we discuss between us what needs to be bought…I firmly believe, yes.
Because thats how a marriage works. Its all about discussing, deciding, arguing and then agreeing to disagree. Because while I may earn only half of RD, I still beleive I am an equal partner in the marriage. Once you commit to a marriage, it means you commit fully. You then, dont think of ‘I’ you think like ‘US’
Yes, there will be times when you want something and your partner disagrees..but in that case, its better to just park it aside for a while and think about getting it later.
Like Pepper asked me, tomorrow if I had to stop working for some reason, will I feel equal in the relationship? I will and actually I should! because at the end of the day, isnt that what marriage is all about? I think whether the spouse is working or non-working, it doesnt really matter, at the end of the day, its all about ‘US’
OR lets say RD stops working? does that mean he doesnt get his phone (Errr..he still doesnt get it, but thats not the point!) no, it means that we still discuss whether buying that phone is important or not! and if it is, he should definitely go ahead and buy it.
Having said all this, Pepper, can I please also add that ‘ I firmly believe in financial independence’ :):)
Hope this answers your questions Pepper 🙂
and oh oh, thank you for this, because I could write another post for the marathon
and oh RD, this doesnt mean you get that phone eh? we are still in discussion mode okie?