December 21, 2012

Disclaimer: Depressing post ahead, please dont read if you are in a good mood!

Thankfully, the world did not end on the D day…but a tiny part of my heart, I think, broke for ever 😦

I had a miscarriage.Β 

Last to lastΒ SaturdayΒ  I discovered I was pregnant. Overjoyed, we went to the doctor. She gave the usual list of instructions..

avoid travel by rick

dont strain

be careful

yaada, yaada…and with R my pregnancy was such a breeze, that I was really not too worried about anything. The only thing we did was cancel our tickets to Gurgaon..a trip planned about 3 months before…

Monday

I dropped R to school and went to work. At about 3.30 PM when I went to the loo, I noticed I was bleeding profusely…I got shocked…managed to compose myself, run to my desk, get the pad and the phone…called up RD…

He told me to talk to the doctor while assuring me that he would come to pick me up…the doctor told me to stop crying, get into a cab and come home..

For the first time, I was at a total loss…Here I was bleeding, and here I was trying to coordinate to get a cab…The number wont go through, I didnt know whom to ask for help..finally at about 4 I managed to get a cab…

I left work without telling anyone..the guys in my team were so worried, but I didnt know what to tell them..

I reached the hospital..RD was already there…We went in…the doctor wasnt there, but the nurse gave me an injection..she checked me up and mentioned that the bleeding had stopped..

The doctor came and she told me to get a sonography done..

We went to the centre…The doctor there, checked me and said its very early pregnancy..the fetus is still there, but no heart activity is usually detected till six weeks, so you will need to come back next week to check if the fetus was healthy and okay..

RD had gone to pick up R because it was getting late..as soon as I told him that, he heaved a sigh of relief..

We went back to my doctor, she told me all was well and asked me to go on complete bed rest for 10 days…I was shocked…liked I said earlier, my earlier pregnancy was such a breeze…

She agreed for me to work from home…

Amma wanted to come, but we persuaded her that I will be fine..

I spent Tue, Wed and Thurs on bed..working from home now and then

On Friday, early morning, while RD was getting R ready for school, I noticed I was bleeding profusely..

I panicked a bit, but realised that nothing could be done, and made RD take R to her bus stop…He rushed back after putting her on the bus..I went to the hospital…the doctor asked the nurse the extent of my bleeding…I was profusely bleeding and there was a miscarriage underway..

I spoke to the doctor on the phone who was getting ready for her son’s annual day..She asked me over the phone if I thought I want to take the risk of continuing, because as per her nurse, the bleeding was extensive…it was a split second decision, but I agreed, if it was a risk, I would want to terminate it…

She spoke to RD…he agreed..

I was given injections..the doctor came..she was shocked to see the extent of bleeding and said there was no chance anyways..

I got operated…

Amma flew down from Goa…She was there by 6 in the evening..my neighbour aunty rushed to the hospital as soon as RD called her…

My brother came from Ahm to meet up with me as soon as he heard the news..

I am fine now…actually the fetus didnt even have a heart beat…technically for most people this would just be delayed periods..its just that I got to know that I was pregnant..so its hurting me a bit..

But, I have decided, I am not going to get too upset about it..its not right..It had to happen…I can think of a million reasons on what went wrong and get upset about it..or I can just move on..I think, I choose to move on..

Like RD said ‘It was a week’s wonder’Β 

yes, it was…definitely a wonder and just for a week…but both of us have decided to take things positively now..Thankfully R was not aware of what happened.

Apologies for ending the year with such a depressing post, but somehow blogging about it has made me stronger, made me feel better…

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas..

As usual, I have over 100 unread posts…will try and start getting back to routine fast…

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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114 Responses to December 21, 2012

  1. rajk says:

    Hi RM,
    I think it was terribly brave of you to talk about this and share your pain. Hugs and prayers from me to you.
    RajK

  2. Oh God RM. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. 😦 I can’t do anything but say I am soooo sorry! From the bottom of my heart.

    I am glad you are fine, and glad you are taking things positively. It was also good R didn’t know what was going on. I am glad you have a wonderful family who dropped everything and came to lend you support when you most needed it. Wish I could give you a hug right now!

    I hope things get better in the new year, and that if you want, you have another chance at this when you’re ready. Again, lots of hugs RM! πŸ™‚

  3. Anusha says:

    woops..tight hug to you and loads of prayers too…

    you are indeed a strong woman…god bless you

  4. Lifesong says:

    Hey RM!! Big tight hugs to you.

  5. The Bride says:

    So sorry for your loss. A week’s wonder is a beautiful way of putting it, but I can imagine the heartache.

  6. Oh RM…so sorry to hear that. That really sucks. *Hugs*

    Do take care of yourself emotionally and physically my dear. Thinking about you…

  7. I’m so sorry…it does not matter how early or late it was/is – it’s a terrible thing to go through. Hugz!

    Although why an operation? D&C? Here, in the US, doctors will do absolutely nothing until it’s past 13 weeks. You can go to the Emergency Room and get yourself checked, but nothing is done to prevent a miscarriage. The worst part is – they nurses/doctors don’t show empathy either (most of the times).

    • R's Mom says:

      yaa..they did a D&C I guess..it was not a very long procedure but they did give me a general anesthesia…Aiyo..its scary in US eh…

      Thanks hugs right back

  8. Oh, god, RM. 😦 I am feeling so sorry that you had to undergo so much pain. But the good thing is you are positive now. I can’t say I understand how you feel, because only you can know how much it really hurts. All I can say is that this too shall pass. Hugs. Sending good vibes and prayers your way.

  9. ashreyamom says:

    oh dear.. take care.. hugs.. dont know wat else to say.. :(..

  10. Tight hugs, RM. So terribly sorry to know this. I hope you are okay now physically. I am glad your mom and bro were by your side just as soon as they could be. Hugs.

  11. Amit says:

    R’s Mom. I don’t know what to say. Take care and it will be ok. And you can always try again, right?
    I know a couple of friends who went through this but now are proud parents. So, cheer up. πŸ™‚

  12. Mathangi Vijay says:

    Hugs, hugs and more Hugs RM! I can so understand and relate to what happened with you. I had a very similar experience this April. Where I lost my child when I was 8 weeks all of a sudden for no cause or reason. It was very depressing indeed for a while but ya, as you said we have to move on. And I also know that it is easier said than done.
    Be brave and stay positive. Be absolutely clear on the fact that all happens for a reason. So dont let anything bother your mind now. Will mail you soon. Take care of your health.

  13. AA_Mom says:

    Just y’day I had realized that your posts are not showing up on the reader and then came to your blog to find that it had gone private. I thought I should have atleast noted down your email.

    I like the attitude with which you are handling this. Kudos to you, I am sure much better things are awaiting you and yours.

  14. Zephyr says:

    Hugs RM. These things are inexplicable but they happen sometimes. And knowing you, you have the ability to see the positive side of even depressing things. I know it would hurt — a lot. If it helps, here is a big hug from me. It is also good that R is not aware of it.

  15. chipmunk says:

    OMG!!! Give a big break dear, Relax yourself, say all is well, May be next time consult the doctor about the health and then make a move, kisses and hugs, don’t worry you will be fine.

  16. Sreetama says:

    Hugs RM. I have no words to console you. Really sorry to know about this grave loss. I pray for your good health and happiness. Lots of love. Take care.

  17. metherebel says:

    Take care RM and be strong!

  18. summerscript says:

    Loads of love and tight hugs dear ! Take care .You are a strong person. I love you… still hugging you .

  19. Jas says:

    Hugs your way. I don’t know you personally but can feel the extent of loss. Just would like you to look ahead, you will find a ray to cling on, to move forward.

    • R's Mom says:

      Thanks Jas..yesterday I realised I have a great family online as well..who love me so much…I am glad I blogged about it…now it feels like a closure…thanks so much..hugs right back

  20. babes no idea of what i should be saying,my heart bleeds.Take care ,god is with you.

  21. UmaS says:

    Super tight hugs to make you feel better πŸ™‚
    And I am glad that you are writing about it…clears your mind and heart and makes you feel lighter…
    Yes, what needs to happen will happen and its always best to think that everything happens for good and for a reason too…
    Take care !!!
    Hugs again dear…

  22. Bhagyashree says:

    Life has to move on RM, there is no other go.
    And there are brighter things to look forward to. happy days with R, with RD, with others, career et all. Some people have to go thru pain alone…lets be happy that we have people around to share our joys and sorrow
    Have a wonderful 2013

  23. Smita says:

    Glad you wrote it here because now it is out of your system, not that it is out of your heart but sharing makes it better….

    Also, I can understand how painful it must have been for you & your family but you need to be strong !!!

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Silver Lining of the incident? Despite all your protests we know that you are now willing to give R a sibling πŸ™‚ So cheer up my dear, all will be fine!!!! And the year has not ended yet so spring up a surprise on us and bring on another post πŸ™‚

    • R's Mom says:

      Thankss Smita…I loved your comment loved our phone call yesterday…I hadnt laughed so much since this happened..thank you πŸ™‚

      the post will be surely up πŸ™‚

  24. sruti says:

    I’m sorry to hear of your loss.
    I hope you get better soon.

  25. chattywren says:

    I am sorry RM, I really don’t know what to say! Stay strong. Like the approach you have adopted towards it. And may you have many many positive things to look forward to in the New Year.

  26. Vidya says:

    Oh raks tc….don’t worry

  27. K says:

    Oh Dear, A very big tight hug. Tears rolling out of my eyes as I read your post. I can understand your situation since I know the pain. I know you are very strong. My Prayers for you. Take care of you. I am not able to express myself in words. Take care RM.

  28. Prachi says:

    Hello RM,
    I dnt knw what to say, But I know for sure that you have chosen the right thing “to move on”. May be this was destined to happen.
    I am reading your blog since quite a few months now, and I really admire your writing skills.
    Specially aprreciated your mumbai locals experiences, since I have also led a similar life when I was expecting my baby. So it strikes the cord at the right place πŸ™‚
    Do take care of yourself and get well soon, waiting for your longg and lovely posts..!!

    BTW, can you please tell me how to follow your blog (dnt knw much about wordpress…!!)

    • R's Mom says:

      Big hugs to you….Errr…I guess..you just need to click on that place on the right side where it says follow..and add your email id..and you can follow..

  29. Vidya says:

    Many, many, many hugs RM!

  30. venus says:

    You are a very strong lady R’s Mom. Keep your spirits high. A big hug!

  31. My Era says:

    {{{{ Tight Hugs RM }}}}
    Take care dear

    • R's Mom says:

      Thanks Swaram..hope you are enjoying in Bangalore..just read your post yesterday..have fun and take care of your legs and all that okie?

      • Swaram says:

        Am so sorry for such a small comment, but I did not know what to say. Heard the same from another friend too … and this is what I told her – 2013 is the 150th year of Swami Vivekananda and 2013 babies are gonna be all super-duper ones. Here’s wishing u the bestest of luck for that πŸ™‚ Hugs again!

        Thanks RM. Am doing good here πŸ™‚ And it’s already time to be back in pavilion !

  32. Hugs RM!!

    Take Care,hope you are fine now .

  33. Arch says:

    RM, I am so sorry for your loss. Was thinking of you when I opened my reader today, and I read this. I hope you stay calm and positive. Sending you a HUGE hug!

  34. anisnest says:

    hugs RM.. big big hugs.. your decision to move on is the best.. May God give you all the strength and let the new year begin fresh and happy for you and your family. I wish I can somehow just get transported to Mumbai right now and give you a big tight hug.. take care

  35. Dhivya says:

    Hi RM
    I am a silent reader of your blog. really sorry for your loss.
    I don’t know what more to say. As u say , move on. May u have a very happy new year ahead.
    Love
    Dhivya

  36. Nitya says:

    Have lost two o my babies before.. I dont want to say or do anything except to give you big big hugs.

  37. Smitha says:

    As some one who has walked in your shoes, all I can say is time heals. Please take good care of yourself. Hope you feel much better soon. Best wishes for a brighter & happier New Year to you, RD & R.

  38. Oh my dear, I just can’t stop crying for this loss, I am sure you will be alright. I am so sorry that you had to go through this, I wanted to come and give you a tight hug. Take care and I am sure 2013 is going to be a wonderful year…

  39. Jazz says:

    Ohhh RM. Hugs dear. It did feel sad reading about it but I’m glad you chose to move on. Here is sending lots of best wishes for the R family, have a wonderful year ahead.

  40. deepM says:

    Hi RM,

    I was on leave and read your blog today. I am still quite young to tell you anything but you are brave mom.

    Wish you a wonderful year ahead RM. Tight hugs!

  41. daffodil says:

    Hugs and prayers RM… Read the post late…
    Keep going happily and smiling always… πŸ™‚
    Cheersss!!

  42. Sumana says:

    Don’t know what to say. God has given you and RD the strength and i ask him to give you guys much more.. Please take it easy. Some things just remain as questions. May be, god has better things for you guys and best wishes for 2013. Hugs to R’s family.

  43. Sapna says:

    That is sad! Hope you are better now. Hugs…
    I don’t think any of us who haven’t been through such an experience can claim to understand but can definitely send you good wishes. Incredibly brave of you to post this. Take Care.

  44. MaybornGemini says:

    so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.RM. Sending good wishes your way…
    Wish you a very happy year ahead…

  45. seema3 says:

    Lots of Hugs! Really brave of you to put it down here. Wishing you a great 2013.
    –Seema

  46. Akhila says:

    Hugs RM. Keep up your positive attitude. As someone who has lost 2 like this, I know only positive attitude & a loving family helps. Spend more time with R, RD & people who understand you.
    Have a wonderful year ahead.
    Take Care.

  47. Tanishka says:

    Hugs RM… Take care… Hope the new year brings you a lot of happiness…

  48. Nachu says:

    RM, I don’t know what to say. I am terribly sorry about your loss. Take care of your health.

  49. Shweta says:

    Hi RM..
    Hope you are fine and taking good care of yourself and your health… A tight Jaadu ki Jhappi from Me.. May God always be with you and your family..

  50. Sangitha says:

    So sorry to hear of your pain, R’s Mom. It is a miscarriage, it will hurt. Again, so sorry that you had to go through this. I know how this feels.

  51. Sangitha says:

    Meant to say that the fact that the fetus didn’t have a heartbeat does not make your pain and regret less.

  52. raji says:

    Very sad news RM….May God bless you with happy news soon. Take care.

  53. Scribby says:

    we have had our own little talks on this RM, right? πŸ™‚ HUGS darling!

  54. OMG!!! I read your latest post and was shocked to see “miscarriage!” I found this post and I’m really really sorry, I didn’t know. Hugs n double hugs to you.

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