Did I Over React?

Yesterday, R and I were having our usual race in the morning to fight time. We rushed down the stairs and semi ran to the bus stop. Thankfully the usual 7 AM BEST bus was not yet there.

but what we saw was a crowd. A crowd of young and not so young boys and girls. One of them was smoking. He saw me coming with a child, but didnt bother to put it off. I made R stand a bit away from that guy.

We were still waiting for the bus. There were about 2-3 large jeeps (Innova or something in those lines which all look similar to a automobile-ly challenged person like me!) which the people moving in and out of it.

I realised that they were wrapping up a shoot in the night. Now the thing with our area is there is a lot of marsh land towards the other side of our building and I think these guys were shooting something there.

Then we saw a girl wearing a mini skirt who I thought was the lead heroine. She was talking to someone and then one guy came next to her and he wrapped his arms around her and they were standing right behind R and I.

I moved a bit and said hello to the usual ladies we meet at the bus stop.

R was looking around absolutely fascinated by the entire scene.

I saw a guy pointing a camera like thing at R. I didnt react to it. I thought may be is trying to adjust the focal length and R was the most non controversial person around he could try it on. The guy who had wrapped his arms around the lead girl,(I think he was either the director or the lead actor or something) was asking him to take some stuff from the camera. There were jokes about a ST bus becoming a school bus.

The camera guy still kept pointing the camera towards R. I got a bit uneasy.

I looked at the lead guy and asked him ‘Did you just take a picture of my daughter’

He looked at me and said in a not very polite tone ‘well, we took a video’

I saw red. I actually said very loudly ‘Did you ask me permission before that?

He very nonchalantly replied ‘oh this is for the TV’

RM: :So what, did you ask me for permission? arent you supposed to do that?

He: Hey camera guy, why didnt you ask her for permission

I lost it completely. First he was telling the camera man to do the stuff and then he acted as if the poor camera guy was at fault.

RM: Please delete that video

He: oh!

and then everyone started staring at me. I was loud and trust me early in the morning, I am VERY loud

By this time, R was a bit scared by my tone and she gripped my  hand hard

RM: I said, please delete that video. I dont want my child’s video to be on any camera without my permission

The lead girl looked at me as if I was nuts. The crew stared at me while the usual crowd wondered what went wrong.

RM: Will you delete that video

Lead: yes we will

By this time unfortunately the bus came. IF I missed that bus, R would miss her school bus.

RM: Are you sure its going to be deleted

Lead: yes yes pakka

RM: I am getting on to this bus because I  have to leave, but I hope I can trust you enough to do it.

Lead: yes madam we will definitely delete it. and the lead lady  nodded her head.

I got into the bus.

I am still angry.

1. I should have let R miss the bus and definitely confirmed if they deleted the video. but I wasnt thinking straight. I have learnt that when I am angry, I am not logical

2. How dare they take her video without asking me? Isnt that wrong? Where is my privacy? What if they used the video for something and then it went online into something else?

May be I have a very vivid imagination and I am paranoid. But I dont care, I dont want my child’s picture anywhere unless I approve it

3. Didnt they have so much decency to ask me? Why didnt they? I would have refused, but I have that damn right to refusal isnt it?

It feels so much better to just type this down!

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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84 Responses to Did I Over React?

  1. The Bride says:

    You didn’t overreact. People are supposed to ask before filming or even taking a casual photo. Of course, they may push their luck. Well, I wouldn’t have missed the bus either, but good for you for giving them some grief. Hopefully, they will think twice next time.

  2. I think I would do the same. I am not comfortable with anyone taking my kids’ pictures without my permission.

  3. Aditya says:

    Hello.
    It is perfectly normal to feel offended when someone clicks your photo or shoots a video without permission.
    However, as per law any one is free to do that as long as the photographer or the subject are not in a restricted area such as an army cantonment.

    Being a photographer myself, I have done my bit of research to say this.

    CCTV cameras also do the same. Without your permission.

    Having said that, let me add that using the photograph or video clicked such way cannot be used for any commercial purposes without a written permission of the subject. For this, you need to ensure the purpose of the photo or video is non commercial. However, the photographer does not need your permission as long as he just wants to click your picture and stay at that.

    Sorry to disappoint you here, maybe.
    $0.02

  4. You were absolutely right! So you didn’t over react. I’ve worked in TV & while gone are the days when people loved to be on camera, today we are more careful about people’s right to privacy. And specially kids! Just last week we’d gone to Red Fort in New Delhi and a young man came over and clicked V’s pic. He’s all of 14 months but knows when he’s being clicked. The man of course didn’t ask me, so I gave him a piece of min, grabbed his phone and deleted the picture. I also followed it up by giving another round of gyaan!

  5. Sumana says:

    No RM, i don’t think you went overboard. That was expected of you or any sane mom. I would have done the same. Why on earth such people exist i have no clue. I too get so loud in the morning that no one comes my way till i and kids are done with all the daily stuff in the early morning.

  6. Sujatha says:

    what you have is absolutely correct.. nobody can take a foto or video of our kids without our permission !! I wud have reacted in the same way or even more harsher if i was there at ur place…
    Dont worry they wud have deleted the video…

  7. I think we need more awareness about this, most people are not aware that having their pictures or video taken without their permission may not be acceptable to all – but these people were professional, they should have known better…

  8. Mathangi Vijay says:

    You absolutely did not overreact and I would also not be comfortable if someone takes a photo of my child without prior permission. You as a parent had all rights to ask him to delete the photo even you did not want your child to be photographed. Given your position, even I wouldnt have missed that bus and spoil my entire day. I am sure this would’ve taught a lesson to those guys.

  9. Nithvin says:

    Hey RM! What you did was absolutely right..who are those people to shoot anybody’s picture or video without permission? Even I would be paranoid if somebody clicked S’s snap without my permission..you never know where it might end up..May be you should have got it confirmed that they did delete it from their camera? but *sigh* so true that when we get worked up and are in a hurry, we are forced to compromise..Just hope those guys have kept up their word..Hugs..

  10. Zephyr says:

    The smartphones and such are becoming a bigger menace by the day. It does sound scary the way these are used with impunity. They should have asked your permission for sure and you were perfectly within your rights to demand that they delete it. And I think they would have too. So just take a deep breath and believe in the human values of people even if it is hard to believe that they are still intact.

  11. deepM says:

    You didn’t overreact. How can someone take a video of a child without asking her mothers permission??
    I am sure they will think twice before doing the same in future.

  12. uma says:

    Gosh! that’s was so scary…you definitely did not overreact..infact I’m proud of how you reacted..I’d have frozen with fear and uncertainty..hope the video is deleted!

  13. AA_Mom says:

    You did not over react. I have had to face this in the past and I can understand how angry you feel.
    It is good manners to ask, but not every body has the courtesy so it is OK to let them know firmly.

  14. No.. no.. don’t worry RM.. what you did was right & what they did was totally wrong…read this –
    Me & my friend were going somewhere in bus & in front of us a lady & her small daughter, may be 2 years old, were sitting. Kid was so sweet, you know how English kids look like dolls.. My friend just patted that kid’s cheek, very lightly… her Mom was so angry on my friend – “Did you asked permission of kid if she wants you to touch her or not!!”
    I was like – Whatt??? Ask kid’s permission before touching her???

    And here they are taking video of R!! They should have deleted it, if not.. I am sure they will not use it RM.. don’t worry 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      A lot of people dont like it rey…I have seen it happen in Bombay as well..Usually I avoid touching kids

      1. Because I am scared I will pass some infection to them
      2. Not all paernts like it

      Big hugs to you and your friend okie..next time se, sirf smile karna 🙂

  15. NO, you didn’t over-react. I would have done the same, had I been in their shoes!
    I normally ask people if I can take a pic of theirs, even if I am just taking it for myself or for my blog. These people, supposedly being professionals, should have known better!

  16. chipmunk says:

    Rm why you left! happy that you atleast questioned them this much! you should have missed that bus! could have called RD. this is unfare! people does that, camera is becoming a nuisance now a days. When ever you face a problem, stop, no matter how urgent think you are going through solve the issue and go dear. its not safe! to trust some one that too in this world please don’t do.

  17. Ashwathy says:

    The Bride said whatever I was coming to say. Good thing you reacted though. And next time, stick around to make sure they delete it. Not that these people would necessarily misuse the content, but just to be on the safe side….

  18. meenamenon says:

    Am glad u dint let them get away with it!

  19. metherebel says:

    R’s mom you didn’t over react. People seem to have forgotten their manners. The person was supposed to ask your permission, you had every right to be offended so just Chill 🙂

  20. Sapna says:

    You definitely did not overreact. These people if they are professionals, should have known better

  21. Shweta says:

    Hugs to you RM.. You showed admirable courage and you did not over react.. It is so sad that privacy of others is taken for granted in India. If such a thing would have happend in US, I am sure there would be a law suit!

    I am so proud you shouted at them cos I would be she’ll shocked to react I guess.. And after the incident I would feel bad for days together for not shouting at them though they were such jerks..

    I really hope this has not affected R much. Poor thing must be so confused.. The last few days havent been The best for you. So sorry for it..Hope the rest of the week good for you RM:)

  22. Smitha says:

    You certainly did not over react! I would have done the same! They had no business taking a video or a picture of R without getting your permission first! It is just not done. I can understand why you chose to take the bus. I think they will delete off the video – I am sure they must have been rattled as well. Hopefully going forward people will think twice about taking pics without permission.

  23. Vidya says:

    This is atrocious! The guys do it without permission and then have the gumption to not apologize or at least ask permission politely to use? You were bold and right to ask and your anger is justified!

  24. RM you did not do any wrong, and did the right thing. Here is a suggestion I am not sure if you would want to go ahead with it , go to your nearest police station and file a report. I know this seems to be a extreme step BUT I am just wary that have they deleted it or not .. If not and if someone happens to see that video then you have a leg to stand on later on ..

    AND one thing again Sorry i am lecturing and I am sorry if I hurt you .. I believe in one thing PARENTS know what is best and what you do as a parent for your CHILD .. IS and WILL BE always right.. so over react or under react is never a questions EVER.

    Personally I would have stayed and made sure he deleted and WATCHED it being deleted , if he just took a video without asking or bothering I don’t think so he is a gentleman enough to have just deleted it .. and THAT LEAD LADY should have known better , what if someone takes her pictures and uses them .. Hypocrite people

    If it was UK, that photographer would have been arrested and his camera confiscated 100% no doubts about it .. EVEN if he had not taken the pic.. later on he would have got it back..

    • R's Mom says:

      I agree…I should have stayed back and confirmed if the deleted…

      and no of course you are not lecturing yaar…I know you are concerned of course..but going to the police..nope I am not doing that…because one I dont know who it was..and two I am not sure how the police in India is going to react!

  25. Smita says:

    By no means did you overreact in fact I feel u shud have stayed back to see the video deleted. seriously!!!!

  26. Jas says:

    If I were at your place, I would have also done the same despite the fact that my hubby is professional photographer. Though law does not abide the photographers but general courtesy does so they should have sought permission from you before doing anything like that.

  27. Sreetama says:

    You have done the right thing. It is a basic courtesy to take permission before clicking a picture or a video. You have every right to react and refuse to be clicked. With the rising incidents of cyber crime, you have to be careful. Hopefully they have deleted the video.

  28. Sangitha says:

    Did you take a picture? No, a video! WHAT?

    As you can see, I don’t think you over-reacted. Keep them away from that little R, please!

  29. choxbox says:

    You under-reacted IMO. You should see me when this happens to my kids.

  30. Swaram says:

    People have said it already! Am glad u did what u did.
    U know, when our laptop got stolen sometime back, I was more scared about how the pics might be used rather than anything else 😛

  31. anisnest says:

    Firstly, you didn’t over react at all. read it in bold and loud.
    don’t expect decency from cinema guys yaar. at least from what I understood their world is totally different and there is no room for please, excuse me, sorry or decency in their world. May there are some exceptions but here I am talking about the majority.

    on a lighter note, R sure has some celebrity luck re.. If I remember correct someone approached you on a mall to make R act on a commercial right? you can be the **celebrity rather heroine mom** demanding for apple juice re ***rolling eyes and running away to save my life***

  32. You didn’t over react at all, I would have done the something in that situation. While we were on our India trip some of them did take Chucky’s pictures without asking us, I didn’t react may be I should but they weren’t professional like in this case. Like I said when I take pictures of Chucky with someone else’ pet(dogs, cats etc) I take their permission, I feel that way I am not offending anyone’s feelings.

  33. ashreyamom says:

    u did the right thing RM.. how can they use R without taking permission from u.. now the days are bad, we really need to chk out the purpose of anything and everything.. while a simple status msg on FB cause trouble.. :(.

  34. shail says:

    Aditya is right, photos can be taken in public places. However much we may not like it. that’s how it is. In fact I had searched on this some time back for just the opposite reason, to find out if I would be right in photographing things in public. As law stands I learnt that I do have the freedom to, except for certain exceptions. Children in public places do not fall in the restricted category.
    There are enough articles on the net on what can be and what cannot be photographed.

  35. Amit says:

    Well, you cannot stop people from taking pictures. A lot of people do that without permission and a very few have the basic courtesy to ask. I do not care as an adult but yes, if the parents are with the child, their permission should definitely be taken.
    And you did not over-react. I think you should have confirmed that he deleted the video.

  36. You did not over act. In fact, you should have waited and made sure he deleted the picture. These days you can never classify what is innocent and what isn’t. The basic courtesy would be to just ask your permission. But good you gave him a piece of your mind.

  37. Only just reading this…you didn’t overreact at all!!! They have no right to take pictures let alone videos of children without full consent of the parent. Honestly, no one knows where the video will go and you are just taking precautions. Good on you~~

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