The ‘Just Married, Please Excuse’ Contest

Read about this contest on various blogs I frequent and hopped over to Yashodhara’s blog only to be laughing loudly at most posts…check out her blog and she is even a writer…

She has this contest running on her blog and while I am not in Gurgaon and I am sure I wont win this one because the kind of bloggers who have written for her contest are absolutely of a different league, this one is just for bringing back really funny memories…

thanks Yashodhara, for this 🙂

===========
Errr…so RD and I decided to get married to each other after one meeting…

We saw each other in May and the marriage was fixed for Feb…so we had like some months to see if we could even stand each other long distance…

So, for whoever knows about a Tambram wedding. We are very serious folks. Us Tambrams. We take our wedding ceremony very seriously. You know the only allowance we allow for fun is to lift the bride and the groom during the exchange of garlands ceremony. That too honestly, is no fun for the bride who is wearing a 100 kg garland on her head, and 20 kgs of the silk saree added to which is gold jewellery which I dont want to reveal you knowand then the groom especially the modern one who has no clue how to hold a veshti to his waist and with no other clothing to cover his top, is often seen praying to all the Gods that the guy lifting him doesnt pull down his veshti in enthusiasm…well honestly otherwise, like I mentioned, we Tambrams are a serious community.

Before the wedding

So in all that seriousness, RD and I had a bet.

One night at about 9ish, after the usual romantic talk about did you eat your dinner, what time are you going to work tomorrow, oh at 3 in the morning, you are an idiot to work such shifts, yaada yaada, I tell the man I am going to marry

RM: Hey I am thinking of dancing at the wedding

RD: Whose wedding?

RM: Oye, our wedding

RD:hahahahah

RM: What hahahaha? I am serious…I am thinking of dancing you know

RD: are you kidding me? dancing at a Tambram wedding…

RM: Why not? I danced at my akka’s wedding last to last year

RD: yaa right…

RM: Oye dont challenge me…

RD: I am challenging you

Note – See how we never agreed right from the start…I am wondering if the only agreement we ever had in common was about getting married to each other..after that in 6.542 years, we are yet to agree on anything eh?

RM: okie, here is a bet…I will dance during the engagement ceremony held the night before the wedding..what will you give me if I do that?

RD: well…ahem..ahem..okie, I will hug you publicly

RM: WHAT! you miser!

RD: Oye, hugging in public in a Tambram wedding..you dont know what I am inviting on myself

RM: yaa whatever

and so the bet was placed…

On the night before our wedding…my cousins gave a superb singing performance until cousin K looked at me and wiggled her eyebrows…I got up when an uncle of mine was performing and then went to change…

And then began the fun..

1. I was wearing black trousers, black t shirt and a red bandhani chunni..quite a change from the docile girl sitting with a saree draped 2 minutes ago

2. The damn recorder didnt work

So cousin K and I are bloody standing on the stage grinning at everyone, who is looking at us bewildered wondering if the girl in question (thats me…I was getting married!) is having some last minute reactions to marriage..(the dance was a surprise even to my parents, only Cousin K, RMB, and a close family friend knew about it)

After about 10 minutes of heming and hawing the damn recorder started working…of course Cousin K and I tried our best to entertain the crowd by grinning, clapping our hands, looking at each other, and etc etc…(insert any idiotic action)

And RD was so shocked to see his to-be-bride in such jhintak clothes that he kept staring at me and rubbing his eyes…

and then the song started….

My cousins whistled so hard that it was unbearable to hear in the hall..and then we danced…Cousin K and I…there was screaming, clapping, shouting, and oh what fun…

Errr..for the records we danced on ‘Aaja na chule meri chunneri sanam’ (Salman-Sushmita song)

RD gasped, my in laws couldnt believe their eyes, my cousins and bro screamed their head off, RD’s friends stood gaping..and we danced..yep..danced at a serious Tambram wedding…(My parents went missing, dont know where they were 🙂 )

and then after the dance…everyone congragulated…(I think more at my dare than at the dance itself, but I prefer to believe it was for the dancing)

I wiggled my eyebrows now at RD..he looked at me and the guy went red…

it was hilarious!!!

and no, the guy didnt hug me after the dance…These Tambram guys I tell you!

====

During the Wedding

RD and I are left alone by the crowd who is looking at eating a sumptuous breakfast full of idlis, dosas, kesaris, filter coffee, steaming hot sambhar and lily white chutneys…I mean have you noticed that in a Tambram wedding, most people just desert the couple after the mangalsutra is tied!

anyways while we both are trying to decipher what the Tambram priest from Calcutta (my FIL imported him from there) is saying, midst all the smell tantalizing our senses, and trying to breathe through that smoke of the havan…

the priest is telling us the importance of being with each other basically you know the usual in sickness and in health..etc etc

rrrrrinnnggg rrrrinnnggg the phone rings..

I look at RD in surprise..what the hell? phone calls here as well..and RD looks at me in surprise…I swear its not mine he says..while I look at him accusingly

we both look in surprise at the priest who says ‘acha one minute I am in middle of conducting a marriage..oh what what..yes yes I will be Ahmedabad tomorrow and yes yes I will conduct your marriage..no no, I wont talk to anyone during the marriage’ and then looks at us and asks ‘so where were we?’

yaa right..we both didnt know how to react honestly

=======

Next day after the marriage, we are boarding a train to Bombay…the *ahem* spouse, inlaws and me…I am grinning away to glory, while the whole family, their uncles, aunties, step aunties, cousins, brother in laws, etc etc etc have come to drop us to the station. RD beckons me near him with a wave of a hand. (no not for the hug dont get excited)

RD: RM, will you STOP grinning so much, you are giving a feeling that you are more than happy to leave your parents, and come, what will people think, newly wed and only laughing…I was so looking forward to a crying session from your end…no one in your family also seems emotional!
RM: !!!!
and from there began the journey of craziness eh?

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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80 Responses to The ‘Just Married, Please Excuse’ Contest

  1. Jas says:

    ha ha crazy. What I know of Tambram weddings is the chaos that is always there around the bride and groom. 😀

  2. The Bride says:

    That first story was very funny… I was grinning throughout imagining it.

    Hawww, he didn’t hug you after all that!

  3. Zephyr says:

    Oye RM, who said there is no fun in Tambrahm weddings? Didn’t you have nalangu, where the spouses fight over a coconut and tries to wrest it from each other, break appalams over each other’s head and fish for a ring in a bucket of turmeric water and each sings and even dances on request from the spouse……and…and….??

    Have you let RD forget his promise? I hope not, Remind him at least once a day, will you? (?Ya, I am mad at him for not keeping his promise to call me 😛 )

    • R's Mom says:

      That nalangu was a pain in the wrong place honestly! I think its one of the weirdest rituals I have ever seen..I mean here you have gotten up at 4 in the morning to rush through a 4 hour ordeal in front of the fire and then you expect people to enjoy the nalagu…We had one which was so thanda that both RD and I were snoring!

      But again, its my personal opinion, I am sure most people like that ceremony 🙂

  4. LOL LOL LOL
    Super fun I had reading this post, RM! Really!
    You went to all that trouble and the guy didn’t even give you a hug as promised, eh? 😐
    This post brought back some fun moments from our wedding. 😀

  5. Good luck with the contest!

  6. Amit says:

    Hahahaha! Loved this one! 🙂
    You should have decided on the penalties too so that RD would have had to do something for not hugging you.
    The pandit at my wedding went on for 5 hours. Everyone was so damn frustrated that my father finally said – Give him some money and ask him to wrap it up! 🙂
    Geet and I were dead by the time it ended.

    • R's Mom says:

      I know..I was such a dumbo in love eh?

      WHAT 5 hours..actually ours was as bad..about 4 hours…I can so understand what happened to you and Geet..my sympathies 🙂

      LOL on your dad..sure is a sweetheart eh?

  7. chaitalichari says:

    hahahaha wat a wedding :)… i had a hearty laugh.. so RD didn’t hug u publicly ?
    this craziness adds spice to our life.. so keep goin.. n enjoy

  8. Pepper says:

    LOL. What a fun post RM. I was looking forward to your entry. I don’t know, for some reason, I was almost sure you would participate. So damn sure, that I thought when I open your blog today, I will see the title of this post. AND IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT 😀 *Grins at how well she knows RM* Yes, it could be a coincidence, but don’t tell me okay? Let me just believe I know you well by now. I had so much fun writing my entry and I see you did too! This is such a great way to bring back those hilarious memories.

    And oh, I totally relate to the last part of your post. I was most upset cos nobody cried during my wedding, or when I left. I expected them to cry because I was not just leaving the city, I was leaving the country, with no immediate plans of being back. I didn’t cry (but that’s okat), and they didn’t cry either. THey were all smiles 😦

    • R's Mom says:

      oh you sure know me really well..but honestly I got totally tempted after reading Mint’s super cute story on your blog yesterday 🙂

      WEll, my parents and family were coming the next day to Bombay for the reception yaar..so what was the point of crying 🙂

  9. uma says:

    HAHAHAHA…you danced to aaja na chule na…hahaha..cool girl! and lol @ being happy to get away from the parents…total fun post RM, loved it! :-)))
    yes, I read about the contest and checked out Yashodhara’s blog too..loved the humor in her writings.

  10. Sreetama says:

    Wah wah! This is great! You are simply awesome RM! Even in weddings we don’t see many s dancing at their own weddings. Even if they do, they would dance to songs like’Ye galiya ye choubara yahan ana na dobara’… But dancing to Aja na chhule meri chunri sanam in trousers n t shirt!!! Wow! Claps, hoots & hugs!!! Was RD too dazed to hug you after your performance? And the pandit’s phone convo & asking where were we is totally hilarious!!! 😀

  11. Smita says:

    lol!!! You really danced infront of everyone? wow!! Vaise I too had danced on my wedding but not in front ofmy In Laws 😀

    And these days these priests are tooo busy on phone. I know of one such pundit who pciks up the phone while doing pooja but doesn’t talk. So u can hear the mantras and bark hello hello!!!

    And high time RD gives that hug with interest to you. Bloody high time!!!

    Hilarious tales 🙂

  12. Mathangi Vijay says:

    Hey that was a real cute story. Ya I know the woes of TamBrahm Wedding. All Fun and No Play 😦 Cool that you danced in your wedding and I admit it is really a big big thing. My cousin brother he danced in his wedding and that itself was hailed as a big thing and Bride dancing in the wedding that too in pants and T Shirt! Wow!! Shame that RD did not keep up his word :p It would have been fun if he had come over and joined your dance (for the Salman Khan part) and hugged you by the end.. What say??
    And yes, I know people desert you after a while. For us it happened right in the oonjal. Due to some weird time restrictions in my marriage, the oonjal was started pretty early but were not supposed to get off from the oonjal for a long time till the auspicious time comes. So we were swinging and winging and swinging and by then all the relatives had gone for breakfast and we were left alone there.. And guess what both of us were dozing off because of getting up early, hair bath blah blah..
    Brought back nice memories from the wedding 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      wow your cousin bro is super cool…I dont know of a guy who danced at his wedding yet 🙂

      Hai ma….swinging for so long..eh? I am sure you took the opportunity to snuggle and hold hands eh?

  13. ROFL!!! super funny post RM 🙂
    You reminded me of those golden days between engagement & wedding, those romantic phone calls.. late night talks..
    Our pandit finished our wedding in just 1 and a half hour.. yay!!!!

  14. Arch says:

    He he..weddings are fun..err, to attend. I know what an ordeal it is to get married ( the actual ritual etc ). This post is too funny RM. Had me laughing all way through. Good luck with the contest!

  15. metherebel says:

    RM you rock! You must have scandalized people when the bride-to-be got down to the dance floor when they least expected it 🙂

    Are your folks really not emotional of is it that they were just happy to send you away? *runs away*

    • R's Mom says:

      Errr…basically we all knew that we were meeting the next day right? so I guess no one got emotional..frankly my parents were too busy over seeing the ‘everyone going back home’ process to bother too much…I think Appa was like chalo chalo board the train and I will go to get the next lot to the station or something in those lines 🙂

  16. deepM says:

    Please delete my first comment. 🙂

    What a hilarious post! I am laughing a loud when my PM is looking at me and wondering why i am laughing when she has given me lots of work. 🙂

    You danced in your marriage wow!! Dont ask about mine. I had to wear two sarees together .You must be aware of “Paneter” and i had to do some maharashrian rituals as well where i have to seat and then stand up again do some stuff. It was damn hectic. Ours was MahaGujjubram wedding. 🙂

    Lol on RD did not hug you wala part. 🙂

  17. ashreyamom says:

    lol.. such an entertaining post RM.. enjoyed enjoyed reading the post.. all the best.. 🙂

  18. Sujatha says:

    hey… u danced in ur wedding that too infront of ur in-laws.. …awww thats so brave 🙂
    when i looked at the title i thought u wud write about the nalangu or oonjal part…pandit using a mobile phone is becoming so common these days.. one of the priest in my cousin’s upanayanam was completely engrossed with mobile for most part of the function…
    And Good luck to u for the contest 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      oh my in laws are pretty cool people (Errr…so I think so 🙂 )

      The oonjal was a torture Sujatha…people feeding you with banana and milk…I swear I am off them even after 6.5 years!

  19. B says:

    Hey, Malayali weddings are the worst okay? At least you have one tradition which distinguishes you and is kinda fun. Our weddings are ABSOLUTELY BORING. And they’re blink-and-you-miss-it:they take only like, ten minutes. And then everyone eats and goes home. When my friends ask me if I’m going to have a “traditional Indian wedding”(by which they mean Punjabi-style like they see in the movies) I say no, not if I can help it. My wedding’s going to be EXCITING! 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      are you kidding me? I love love love Malayali weddings…five minutes and kaam khatam..and upar se you get amazing food to eat…

      Given a choice I would do a malayali wedding totally..

      Errr…though I dont plan to get married ever again..its too much of a hassle…and oh welcome here 🙂

  20. I missed all that fun , YOU did not invite me .. (not happy now) 😦

  21. My Era says:

    Not fair….I was waiting to read the kg of gold after that 20 kg of silk saree 😉 😉
    aww….you are one daring girl RM to have danced on that fun number 🙂 tight hugs to you
    I can so imagine RD’s reactions all the while 😆 😆
    A superb fun post RM…good luck for the contest 🙂

  22. dipali says:

    Such fun, RM. But he still owes you a public hug:)

  23. Swaram says:

    Hahaha! Sooooper fun RM 🙂 I really wish to get to see pics (videos :P) of your dance sometime 😉

    • R's Mom says:

      and thats the best part..we dont HAVE a video..the videographer had left by then..because it was a surprise..and my cousins were so busy screaming and shouting that everyone forgot to take a video AND the only guy who had a video camera was busy trying to make our recorder work *Rolls eyes*

  24. pixie says:

    LOL!!
    Filter kaapi snorted from my nose from all that laughing!! 😀

    My sis had a half-an-half wedding – half our style and half tam-bram style!
    The very serious and smelly priest had a mobile phone tucked into his vesti!!
    We tried very hard not to laugh or smell the man thruout the ceremonies!!! 😀 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      you are having filter coffee..gah!

      oh seriously what was with the smelly priest..usually Tambram wedding priests are totally over the top surf excel se dhule hue 🙂

  25. Tanishka says:

    Lol… Total fun post RM… I wish I could actually attend your wedding… 😀

  26. Did you know, I’ve avoided as many Tambram weddings as possible. I think the only two I’ve sat through completely were my mama’s (I was 6) and one of my cousin’s (I was 14?). Following those, I’ve only been to the lunch or the reception. Still like the food! 😀

    Was laughing at your post RM! You are one funny lady! 🙂 Good luck with the contest…

  27. hitchy says:

    Ha ha ha ! Super !!!! 🙂 The last part I can very much empathise with RD’s feelings !!!! My situtation was very very similar !!!!

    Wait i will give you link to my marriage post ! http://hitchwriter.wordpress.com/2009/06/18/the-dowry-that-went-awry/

    About dancing ! you wont believe… but me who has two left feet…who firmly used to use Tough Guys dont dance to shield his non dancing skills actually had a Geet Raas in his wedding and that dance evening was the one of my best days in life… Although I still look at the video and kinda mumble what the heck was I doing tryin gto dance and preen but well I did dance in my wedding too !:D 😀 D: D

    the whole night garba and after the guests left the fun with my friends was unbelievable ! I didnt sleep for almost 3 days during my wedding ! 😛 😛 :mrgreen:

    • R's Mom says:

      hopping over 🙂

      arey every one can do garba..totally everyone…so dont even tell me about two left feet..darn! I didnt have a garba ceremony becauase I would have been the only person dancing in the hall gah!

      Errr…I am imagining you NOT sleeping through the 3 nights during the wedding and wondering how many more sleepless nights after that! 😉

  28. techie2mom says:

    LOL 🙂
    You did a dance performance on your wedding!!! You are so talented, you can write, dance, paint, i am again impressed…
    Even in Gujarati and Punjabi wedding people leave the bride and groom and rush to food!!!
    All the best for the contest…

    • R's Mom says:

      Errr..I am like the jack of all trades na 🙂

      No rey, in Gujju weddings, there is someone around always…its not like Tambram weddings..trust me, I have been to both n number of times

      • techie2mom says:

        Yeah, close friends and family wait for you and join you in lunch, but majority of public runs away to food. So in Tambram wedding people completely desert the bride and groom, is it!!?!?!

  29. Ashwathy says:

    OMG!!! You actually had the guts to dance to ‘Aaja na chule meri chunneri sanam’ during your own wedding, that too a Tam-Brahm one!! Jesus Christ!! 😯 *falls at feet*

    I mean have you noticed that in a Tambram wedding, most people just desert the couple after the mangalsutra is tied!
    That’s nothing. You should see Mallu weddings! People knock over chairs (and often other guests) in their haste to reach the dining hall the moment the thaali is tied 😛

    The priest paused to take a call during the rites? I would have toppled him into the fire had it happened for my own wedding!! 😡 Grrr!

    LOL @ grinning while leaving.
    I was exactly the same!! 😀 😀 😀 See? This is why we are really sisters!! 😆
    The photographer and videographer were trying to get close ups of my tears, and to their horror, I turned around, gave everyone a broad grin and told them “See you all tomorrow for the reception. All of you better turn up. We are going to have a blast!!” and then waved a cheerful bye before jumping into the car. The photographer was so disappointed 😦 LOL! 😀

    AWESOME-SAUCE EASY-PEASY POST!! Love it! 😀 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      oh yes I did 🙂

      Errr…that priest was imported from Calcutta by the FIL boss…he could do what he wanted 🙂

      hahahahah! thats so so funny 🙂

  30. Meera says:

    You guys are hilarious, i hope he made up for the public hug during the mudhal iravu. Btw, did you get t eat at your wedding? Had to ask since the fragrance of food was so enticing but we wre stuck on the mandapam while all ate. DH, though ate a good breakfast and then sat to eat in the 3rd pandhi and kept eating until the 6th while I sat there with thachi mammam drying on my hands wondering how much more interesting food was to the man, in comparison to his bride

    • R's Mom says:

      Welcome here 🙂

      nah! the guy was just too scared eh?

      ROFL on you sitting while DH ate through 3 pandhis hehehee 🙂

      We ate…I wouldnt complain and loads of unknown people told me how wonderful the food was..but honestly I dont remember one thing off the menu…!! I was so hungry by the time the damn priest finished the rituals that I almost was fainting!

  31. NBose says:

    Gosh…u danced in ur marriage…. that too when in-laws were there!!! 🙂

    Lol on that pandit part…. my marriage pandit was constantly rubbing his feet throughout the ceremony …it was so urrrggghhhh 😦
    Hey even i cried too less during my vidaii…my cousins were pinching me to shed some tears atleast for the video shoot 🙂

    All the best 🙂

  32. Reema Sahay says:

    Wow, you really danced in front of your in laws! You definitely deserved a hug 🙂

    The marriage ceremonies are so long that eventually it tires you out. After few years, you look back and feel, most of it wasn’t required. We place too much importance on unnecessary things. I mean, it is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, and it should be!

  33. Nameeta says:

    Congrats on winning a copy of the book! 🙂

  34. Scribby says:

    hahaha ditto happened in our wedding, I mean the no-crying session 🙂 only that once the car started I felt a little left alone for those few minutes before we reached my new home 🙂 and then again everything was set right 🙂 Awww your post refreshed my memories of 7 years ago 🙂

  35. Swaram says:

    Congratulations RM 😀

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