Letting Go

Note: This post was half composed sometime in December last year after reading Zephyr’s post..then I added some half now…its a mish mash post. I wrote it more for myself than for anyone else to read so that when I think I am going wrong in my parenting, I will come here and read it for myself.

Zephyr as superb as ever, came up with this absolutely amazing post about loving your children .I recommend every mom and not yet mom to read it, because its what true love towards your child is all about..

I learnt a lot from it

about ‘letting go’

I am not a very controlling mom as such..as long as things are done under limit and she doesnt cross her boundaries by being rude or something, I am okie with R doing things on her own including cleaning the mess on the dinning table 😉

and by setting boundaries, this is what I mean..This happened when R was about 3.5 years or something…

Our milkman usually comes in the night (I know I know, I told na that the R household is a bit weird) with his daughter who is slightly older to R…

both the kids usually smile at each other, say hi and bye and its done..one day I was in the kitchen and RD opened the door and apparently R told the little girl very rudely ‘tu idhar se ja – go from here’

RD asked her to apologise for that..but R refused..

the milkman and his girl went away

RD came and told me..and then all three of us trooped to the milkman’s shop, made R say sorry to the girl and came back home…

We refuse to accept rude behaviour and if you did it, you say sorry…

anyways I digress.

Zephyr talks about letting go

Most parents especially mothers, I think find it very difficult, and it may be also, because afterall as a mother you carry the baby in your womb for 9 months, feed the baby and ensure all is good for the baby..it definitely is difficult, but its not impossible

Its important to let go..and let go enough so that its balanced.

If you give too much freedom, the child becomes a brat, if you dont give freedom, the child becomes a recluse.

My Appa always used to tell Amma, to let go when she would get worried or hyper about something involving RMB and I 🙂

One of the first lessons of parenthood, I think, should be letting go (okie okie, may be it should be diaper changing and poop cleaning, and breast feeding, but we are talking in an emotional sense here!)

Sometimes, as a mother, I find it very difficult to find that thin line of balance between letting go and holding back. Well, but who said parenting was an easy job eh?

I know of parents who take every decision for their child. While I am totally okie with a child asking their parents for opinion (as in case of RMB, he discusses everything with my parents, but ends up doing what he and bhabhi decide!) but when parents expect their children to follow what they say and nothing else, its definitely not letting go.

Some parents refuse to believe that their child has grown up and is capable of taking decisions. which is wrong I guess. You cant make your child so dependent on you. What will happen when you are dead and gone, who is going to decide for them? After an age, I think you should trust the child to make decisions.

Infact, even at a younger age, for some things, I think its totally okie to let your child decide.

For example, most days, I let R decide what she wants to wear. Even if its the same GREEN FROCK every second day, I let her take a call, unless of course we are going out and the green frock looks like a rag now. Again, I give her a choice, you can wear the black and white frock SnS masi gave or you can wear the red and black skirt blouse with S chitti gave from Bangalore. She usually agrees. Some days its really bad. Major tantrum throwing, crying, etc etc which is when RD once told me, that we should have listened to what Amma (My MIL) said and never given her such choices early on. I dont agree to that. You should let your child decide on things which are not too major. Obviously, I am not going to let her decide whether she can get that fourth piece of chocolate (She cant! period. fullstop. no matter how much she cries or throws a tantrum!) but I think I should give her the liberty of deciding what she wants to wear from what she has.

My MIL feels I give too much freedom to R. Or rather I give her too many explanations and choices. I dont know. I dont think I do because otherwise I am a pretty strict mom.

Manners, way you talk to elders, way to conduct yourself in public – All this, if she crosses a line, she had it from me. May be not there and then, but definitely I talk to her about it.

Again, each child is different, what works for R, may not work for another kid.

But what I want to say is, remember to let go at every stage in life. You cant be a helicopter mother till the child turns 13, and let go suddenly. It sends confusing signals to the child who is not coped up well enough to handle such sudden independence.

There are times when I tell R ‘you are a big girl, you decide’ Lets say ‘she asks me for an extra chocolate, I know its over her stipulated quota. I try and say no, she doesnt listen, starts a tantrum, I try and explain, that her once-in-three-days quota is over, she still wants and says please Amma last piece…now she knows that ‘please’ is like a brahmastra but…, I dont agree, she starts crying, I finally tell her its  your decision, do what you think is right..and in 99% of the cases, she agrees to me. (1% she goes ahead and has it, I dont say anything, she comes back and tells me sorry!)

Often, parenthood is depicted as the epitome of sacrifice. While I do agree that as parents, we know of many cases where there have been supreme sacrifices, (For example eating less so that your children have food, or not buying new clothes for yourself so that your children can have them) I will never agree that your children have to ‘pay’  you back for your sacrifices. You have children because you want them. Then how can you make the relation a give-and-take one like a business.

And the easiest way not to expect from your kids is to ‘let go’ of them.

Give them enough freedom to discover things on their own, let them take decisions, let them explore. Be the guiding light, dont live their lives for them.

Making your child dependent on you for everything from keeping the coffee glass into the sink to deciding whether to become an engineer or doctor is not doing him/her a favor. Asking him to keep the coffee glass in the sink and giving him the pros and cons of being is doctor/engineer/hairdresser/chef/entrepreneur is what, I personally feel, true parenthood is all about 🙂

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82 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Jas says:

    Exactly my thoughts. We cannot push the child to the brink and ask him or her to hold our hand always. I do that sometimes and then I hold myself back and assure that I need to loosen up.

  2. Chaitali says:

    I have been reading ur blog since may be nw 3-4 mnths.. all that i read tells me that ur very disciplined mom.. and do go parenting job.
    Nice read!!
    I think i should learn from this..

  3. DI says:

    Even thinking of facing such situations in future is scaring me! I am practising a strict NO already, thanks to my Bratty little one 😦 And man, it’s tough! I will bookmark this page and refer to it in future I think 🙂 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      okie DI since Zo is still young, dont make the mistake I made…avoid saying NO to everything…I used to do that to R and now she has gone the other way I think 😦 Try and find a balance right from the start…its better than ways 😦

  4. I have a post in my drafts at the moment about something like this…the other side of parenting where the parent and child have an enmeshed relationship and how that can be equally detrimental (albeit in a different way) as abusive parenting. I think it’s great that you are letting go and able to let R be independent with some things. How else is she going to learn? My post will probably have more on the other end…I’m seeing teens aged 16-19 who are in enmeshed relationships with their mums and finding it hard to cope with life.

    • R's Mom says:

      oh you should put up the post…if not now, its definitely going to be useful when R gets to her teens 🙂 *Shuddering at the thought of R in her teens though*

  5. Bhagyashree says:

    I had loved Zephyr’s post and yours is lovely too. At times I feel like I am a trapeze artist; balancing all the time 🙂
    I do get irritated with my son a lot if things don’t go my way but I am learning. As you rightly said it depends on each child. Like my son with others is very shy so I have to literally force him to speak. But he makes his own choices for clothes, play etc.
    Recently for his 5th birthday, he decided the menu and the decor and also the games. It was his day all the way 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      WOW! he is awesome yaar…I dont know of ANY five year old who can do so much..menu and decor and games..wow I am impressed…you are a great mom

  6. varsha says:

    Hmmm RM, totally agree with you. Same case at our home too. My MIL thinks I give too much explanations to S. I too give her freedom in choosing stuffs but i have hard set rules for discipline. She throws tantrums and I am slowly learning to give her the royal ignore and give her time to calm down. But having elders at home, you know they jump at you for making the kid cry .

    • R's Mom says:

      now thats another topic in itself..grandparents 🙂

      Big hugs Varsha…I so hear you 🙂

    • Scribby says:

      I agree with Varsha here… the elders can’t see the child crying even for a moment…but they miss a point here that we are parents and equally in love with our kids as much as they are with their grand children…so we are hurt too while our kid cries but we have to put up that brave face and hold our grounds for right things!

      RM sorry for encroaching your space here but I must share one real life example here:

      My massi has two daughters.Since their birth my massi’s FIL [they are a join family] is acting finicky in terms of not scolding the girls for anything, not saying no them etc. There was an instance when my massi had said no for something and the girls started howling..looking at all this the FIL just got up and walked out of the house and did not come back for couple of hours…at last massi and uncle had to look out for him..after coming home he said next time if my massi makes the girl cry he’ll leave the house! And this continued for a long long time in their family…what with my uncle also supporting his father in this…he too didn’t like saying no or making girls cry for anything…

      and cut to present..today the case is the girls are 23 and 19 and they are so much sitting on their heads that even today when my massi says a meek no for something they threaten massi to report this to their father and grand father 😦 The girls have learnt to take advantage of the situation…

      Also,like me or my other cousins would travel to places alone and stayed in hostel for studies,my uncle never allowed these girls to travel alone or live in hostel…they were made to choose colleges which were available in the city..even today at this age 23 the girls are not allowed to go anywhere alone 😦

      I agree you want your children to grow up like prince/princess but get a life people..life out of your house is not so rosy or a fairy tale..there is no princess or a princes when the children step out and every parents must realize the fact as well as instill this reality in to their children!!!!

      • R's Mom says:

        no you are not encroaching…you are just teaching us something absolutely relevant…I feel bad for the girls honestly 😦

        Thats a food for another post…grandparents 🙂

  7. Loved the post, RM. It is so thoughtful.

    Parenting is walking a thin line between being concerned about your kids’ overall welfare and being over-concerned. Most parents do not know when they cross over from one end to the other. It is indeed a difficult job. I hope I am able to do it well enough when I do get around to doing it.

    • R's Mom says:

      I tell you, parenting is tough 😦 I sometimes feel so inadequate as a mother, those are the times I think I have experienced true depression!

  8. Mathangi Vijay says:

    I so so so much agree with your post. Yes Letting go is one of the most important traits of parenthood. Every child is dearest to the parent. But just to hold the hands of the child forever is not going to do any good for the child.
    I personally experienced this with my husband itself. He was groomed in such a way that he had everything, I mean it EVERYTHING done by his mom. Till marriage, not once had he paid a utility bank, not once has he stepped into a Bank, not once has he stepped into Kitchen, not once has he shared a house chores nothing. All this despite his mom being a working woman.
    On the contrary my mom practiced me to go to banks right when I was in my 6th or 7th std. Initially, it would be to drop cheques and pass book updates, next step would be to deposit money and finally to draw cash everything. I was trained to be self sufficient. I was never a cook, but I knew how to manage my lunch if none was around.
    This helped me so much in life later on. And it took me so much of coaxing to change my husband. Now he shares the work load of the house equally.
    For my son, as you rightly pointed out, I give him choices. But, when it comes to spending time on Gadgets like Tablet etc. His time is restricted. I dont give it just because he is throwing a tantrum or just because I am busy and I want him silent. By letting them take decisions, we give them also a sense of satisfaction, capability for decision making and make them feel grown up.
    I have my wrong moments as well. I try correcting myself at every opportunity. For eg. I want to incorporate “I tell R ‘you are a big girl, you decide’ ” technique of yours. I just wish it works..

    • R's Mom says:

      your mother is awesome yaar..salutes to her!

      Glad that you give your son choices..its important na…

      we all have our wrong moments rey…I toh have them every day…when I think back, I am like why did I do it this way 😦

      • Mathangi Vijay says:

        So true RM.. Mostly it is because of the stress at work, and my irritation over something else, which I show on my son by shouting. When he would throw an innocent what did I do glance, I would realize my mistake and would be almost in tears. I am trying to really change that trait of mine.. Keeping fingers crossed..

  9. I never ever thought parenting was tough RM. To be very honest, I thought it just meant fun – play with the kid, pamper the kid, occassionally scold him/her, correct him/her, shop and share their baby food (I love baby foods). My worries were only about cleaning the poo and the pee. But now, when I started reading the wonderful posts that amazing mommy bloggers share, I wonder how many acts and thoughts and thoughts and acts go into it. I wonder if our parents thought so much about parenting or did they have an instinct and just raised us so beautifully ? (we did turn out to be good 😛 )
    I was and still am skeptic about help-books. I love reading the insights that mothers share like this. Lovely message here RM 🙂 Someday I hope that my hubby and I get to be very good friends and the confidant of our child when we have one, someday, by God’s Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • R's Mom says:

      Arey parenting is fun rey…just sometimes choices in parenting get tough 🙂

      Big hugs to you 🙂 dont get worked up by reading mommy blogs like me, you will think all kids are bratty as R 🙂 its not true!

  10. Deeps says:

    Couldnt agree with you more. Much as it is difficult to let go, it is very important that we, as parents learn to do that as we raise our children. We give them enough freedom to decide for themselves, yet at the same time we guide them when they stumble on the way. We allow them to learn from their own mistakes, yet assure them of our support but never ever insist on clinging on to us.

    What a wonderfully thought-provoking post, RM 🙂

    And I love the way you are bringing up R 🙂 God bless the ‘R’ family 🙂

  11. techie2mom says:

    I so agree with your point on sacrifice…
    When i had Zini, my mom told me that it’s your responsibility to do the best for your child to your ability, and after doing your best your job is over….due to this philosophy i don’t feel guilty most of the times, coz i know i have given my best to my baby. At the same time i don’t feel that Zini owes me something, or has to pay back when she grows up because whatever i have done is my responsibility and Zini’s right….
    “Sometimes, as a mother, I find it very difficult to find that thin line of balance between letting go and holding back. Well, but who said parenting was an easy job eh?” I am completely with you on this…..

  12. Scribby says:

    I hear you RM! And to much delight I belong to the same category of moms as yours. I might not be the best mom in the world but I want to give my child that freedom that will take her places..I don’t want her to be dependent on me little things like what to wear and all..she might consult me but I’ll be the happiest if she takes her own decisions…

    Like I’ve said in lot of parenting posts that I’ve written,that it all depends on you have been brought up-like the negatives and positives of your bringing up really influence your decisions of parenting your own child…for example you might have been brought up in a very conservative and strict environment which over a period of time you realized is not good,so you might as well make sure that your children don’t go through the same grill and vice versa.

    My father always wanted to make me an independent person right from the start and trust me it has paid in the long run! Since childhood I have been out and out an extrovert person and don’t shy away from going anywhere alone..I have made an overnight journey to Pune when I was in standard 8th. My father used to stay by the scooter while I used to go in the shop for buying stationary and do the math calculation of how much money should the shop uncle would return to me..etc…you get the drift?

    So when now I’m a parent I’m making sure that I bring up Chirpy in the same way,bold and independent yet calm and composed and respecting everyone! But there are people who have problem in anything you do…for example She is now 1.5 and she eats her bite on her own..and now I’ve moved on the level where I’m training her to eat with spoon on her own…so people say she is too young to be left like that-independent and that a mother should feed the baby with her hands and all that stuff,uff! Also, we have taught her to say sorry-though she doesn’t speak right now but we’ve taught her to hold her both ears when asked to say sorry! And we make her do that if she has done something wrong-like hitting someone..though she is a baby and all that she needs to learn right away that hitting someone is not a good thing and just because you are a baby you can’t get away from this…she also had caught a habit of saying ‘hut’ [in Hindi] with moving her hand in that style to hit someone…we made her stop doing that too…of course we got brick bats on this as well saying that we are making such a tiny girl do things like say sorry and all that!

    So I agree,where let go is necessary it has to be like that but where it has to be a lesson taught,no excuses!

    • Scribby says:

      forgot to mention this: like Chirpy few days back threw the books that were lying on the table and walked on them…of course she doesn’t know what she is doing,whether it is right or wrong..that’s the whole point basically…since she is not aware what she is doing and whether it is right or wrong,we have to pitch in tell her that! So, we do exactly that..we told her politely that she is not supposed to disrespect books or anything like papers,magazines, copies etc…I made her pick that book and keep on the table and all this without scolding her..she listened and end of the matter!

      So teaching right from wrong starts way too early than we think it should..people think that 1.5 years is a pretty young age to understand things..I disagree.. in fact a girl who understands all three languages, can tell me that she has made potty, can tell me that she is hungry or thirsty…I think that girl can surely understand the things that I’m teaching her,no?

      • R's Mom says:

        you are an awesome mother Scribby..these little things go a LONG WAY in teaching children manners! Big hugs

        totally agreed to your second para

    • R's Mom says:

      for every child, his/her mom is the best mom in the world rey 🙂

      your father is awesome…I am sure trying this parenting technique when R gets of the age..thanks for this one 🙂

      WHAT! 1.5 and eats on her own..and people tell you no! Gah! to them…go go let her make a mess but at least she is trying to be independent…big hugs to my little darling 🙂

      Arey the ‘haat’ thing is something even R had caught on to…we have been definitely correcting her saying its wrong..though honestly, its just a phase..but again, its better to correct it now so totally agree to what you guys are doing 🙂

      • Scribby says:

        oh yes she creates a little mess but the whole fact that she is trying and is herself interested in exploring things to be done on her own,motivates us more!

        Oh yes it’s a good idea to let R do some buying on her own while you sure accompany her to the shop but her do her own math and stuff..it’s interesting…not only I got used to shop on my own, I also got a hang of doing my own tiny addition and subtraction plus the greater help that I never felt shy to go to some shop and ask for things on my own OR when at restaurant order my own stuff to the waiter there… 🙂

      • Scribby says:

        in all this blabbering I forgot to mention Kudos to you on making R say sorry to the milkman’s daughter..she has learnt her lessons and it will stay with her for good…no doubt with this kind of parenting she is going to be a good human being tomorrow 🙂 Hugs!

  13. Smita T says:

    You got it bang on…. asking your kids make simple decisions (like chossing clothes, books etc) when they are small will help them to make big decisions in life…. we are not asking them to choose their school at the moment, but giving them the foundation that will help them to choose their college / course right…

    When I cleared SSC, I was very adamant that I am joining a commere college which was about 12 kms away from my house which my mom did not support (both things actually joining commerce stream and the college)… her reasons were valid, she thought I would be a better engineer than a CA plus the college which I wanted to go was really far and none on my friends were going there…. but I stood my ground… then she told me… this is your choice… you have to remember that by choice you are taking up this course so you have to excel at it… and prove me wrong…. and She said that she will be infact very happy if I prove her wrong …. never ever after that she mentioned I had told you to go for engineering even when I flunked my CA exams (number of times)… I dont know how she managed but I really hope I get that strength and that letting go quality when N grows up and starts making his choices which I might not like on a bigger platform…

    Baap-re thats a long comment….

    • R's Mom says:

      you toh Smita are my idol..you know that right…

      your mom is an awesome lady..honestly if I were in her place and you failed in your CA exams, I would have told ‘I told you so’ I am glad she is what she is..its a lesson I learnt today..always support…always support…always support!

    • I can so relate to Smitha’s comment. When I quit my first job (technically my internship) to join a MNC bank, my dad was not happy with my choice. Although he was not, he let me take my decision. And later on, even when I faced so many problems there, he never went back to the ‘I told you so’ statement. He stood by me through out and helped me tackle those issues. I am not really sure if I can ever do that with my kids!

  14. Ashwathy says:

    Time to write a nice comment without wringing you dry. 😛

    I think you are doing a fine job with her. If you give her freedom of choice (all the while monitoring her from not too far away to make sure her choices are not drastically wrong) by allowing her to look at her decisions one by one by herself, I think it sets a fine example for the future.

    When it comes to parenting and disciplining/freedom, I always remember my grandfather’s words: The freedom to fling your hand stops where the other person’s nose begins. 🙂 I used to ask him when people told him he was giving me too much freedom, he would reply with this. Every choice comes its own consequence and restriction, you are bound to subject yourself to that depending on your choice. Once you learn the pros and cons a few times, you will automatically begin to shape your decision making process on that. To put it simply, you make a choice, you live with its consequence. That’s the easiest way of shifting the right vs wrong. Of course, R is too young for that just yet, but still, you get the point right?

    I’ve seen many kids who land up in college and are suddenly exhilarated and don’t know what to do with the new found freedom, coz they would be coming from strict schools and even stricter homes with regimes. It is these kids, who do not know how to handle themselves, that turn to the wrong choices and end up screwing themselves and their parents, who grow even more frantic that the kid needs to be babied upon.

    • R's Mom says:

      Can I just say that ‘I LOVE YOUR GRANDFATHER’ honestly Ashwathy, not many grandparents are like him…most of them tend to spoil their grandchildren with too much love..teaching you to differentiate between right and wrong and to give you the courage to face the consequences of your decision is one of the best things any one can give..*Hats off*

      • Ashwathy says:

        Have you read some of my earlier posts?
        Then you would know that in my case my grandfather was the one who brought me up when my parents separated. I lived with my mother and grandparents during my teens, but my grandfather was the strongest influence in my life. He had to be the one who spoils, as well as disciplines, which is a fine balance to maintain. And considering I didn’t turn out too badly 🙂 I think he did a decent job!

  15. metherebel says:

    Hey R’s Mom. Have been reading your posts for a while never commented though. But for how long can you not comment in a famous blog so here I am 😉

    My aunt was once telling me about a cousin and how good a daughter she is. Actually , this cousin had agreed to marry the guy of her parents choice when her mother told her that, the parents would choose the guy for her since the parents know it best!!! What it takes to be called a ‘Good Daughter’ 🙂

  16. Ramya says:

    a very very true post RM… needs to be understood by all… Elders should learn to let go and our gen should learn when and what to let go… upon that letting go sometimes make the kids understand how much we trust them… I believe trusting them in the right places and controlling them in the perfect places make sense 🙂

  17. uma says:

    Very true..and well-written too!
    It is important to empower your child. That happens when you let him/her grow to be an independent person. Giving choices works and I’ve realized that mostly it can work in the parents’ favour if they use it fairly and intelligently 🙂

  18. Such a thought provoking post, RM!

    Let alone the benefits that a child gains, this concept of letting-go actually tackles a lot of social issues, as well. Why do we have dowry and honor killings? Because, parents do not wish to let-go of their children even when they are of an age to procreate. Why do children commit suicides for getting lower marks? Because, parents want their children to pursue ‘their’ interests and not what the child is interested in. Why do we have a concept called ‘arranged marriage’ at all? Because the parents want to ‘decide’ who would be their children’s spouse. Parents simply do not wish to let go! Sigh!

    Like the CH keeps saying, I think we should take a leaf out of the West a little here. You know, how the kids move out and begin to fend for themselves once they turn 18 or so. They learn to be independent. They learn how difficult it is to earn money. More importantly, they learn how to face failures.

  19. chandni says:

    get to learn so much from moms bringing up children right now…..sounds easier said than done I am sure! Kudos!

  20. Sumana says:

    RM, you always have a point worth mentioning and loved the way you put thru. I so need this lesson, i am kind of Hitler at home. But the kids are trying to learn where they have to. There are times when you can let them go, but like you mentioned the milk man incident, i too loose my cool for matters even smaller then that. Dress, growing hair and going to activity classes that interest them all that is allowed and sometimes ignoring them really gets them on the path.

  21. Smita says:

    My MIL thinks like yours, ‘why giving choices?’
    I am from your school of thought. You letting them chose gives them a feeling of independence & confidence. They might falter, they might take wrong decisions but at least they will learn. And the sooner we start working on this the better it is.
    Parenting for me is all about telling your kid about the rights and the worngs and then let them take the decisions. Kids ultimately are a reflection of what we taught them.
    Lovely post.

  22. hitchy says:

    If junior does become a cricketer when he grows up… I am sorry but I wont be able to let go … I will be tagging with him everywhere to al the games… 😛 Irrelevant I know but still !

  23. sandhya says:

    Loved this post, R’s Mom! R is lucky to have a mother like you. I plead guilty to being a tiger mom a lot of times. Time to introspect.

    BTW, have started officially following your posts now. I kept encountering you all over the blogosphere, but somehow never got around to following.

  24. Totally with you 🙂 be a guide tell them right from wrong.. they will make mistakes .. we made them too.. thats what life is , thats how they will learn

  25. Tanishka says:

    My mom has just been the same… She has always told me n bro about the right and wrong ad then left it on us to choose…. All thanks to her, today both of us are able to take our decisions and stand by them…. I personally still take her opinion for everything but again that’s my wish and not what she expects out of me and even after giving her opinion she always leaves the final decision to us only…

  26. All I am reminded of is when I was a kid – 3rd std maybe, my mother asked me to sleep in my own room. (Thinking about it now, I’m surprised she waited so long). I was over the moon to have my own room and bed. My dad made it more exciting by getting me my own bookshelf.

    My gran however, scolded my mum for keeping me away from her. And their fight was resolved by me when I very sweetly threw a fit asked my gran to butt out as I loved the change.

    My point being, in our culture, parenting a child is everybody’s business even if the child is not their own. Small acts of letting go are criticised and looked down upon. The reason is quite straight forward too. People are so insecured with themselves that they cling onto others and massage their insecurities by controlling others. It is true in almost every relation, although the worst affected are kids as they cannot fend for themselves.

    That said, I must commend you on making R apologise to the other girl. You are a Rajini-mom 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      I am going to try this on R now..once the in laws go, ask her to shift…the everyday football playing between the father and daughter results in me falling off the bed most cases or even having pain in my old joints..gah! no she has her own bed, but she jumps into ours mid way!!

      you are a rockstar CR…but you already know that na 🙂

  27. Nithvin says:

    Apart from the other things, loved this the most: ‘ as in case of RMB, he discusses everything with my parents, but ends up doing what he and bhabhi decide!’ 🙂
    Cheers to RMB and your bhabhi..

  28. Jo says:

    Stands up and applaudes..

    U r an awsome parent RM..

  29. Pingback: Parenting-Push and Pull « THIS & THAT

  30. Zephyr says:

    Loved your take on it RM. You are a wonderful mother, I have told you this many times. But there is one thing about choices. Giving them choices in things that do not matter much, as you do about clothes etc. and giving lengthy explanations to them about why somethings need to be done that way are different issues. Children need to feel that there is someone taking the final decision for them so that if it goes wrong, they don’t need to grapple with it.
    And oh, there are so many things about this thing that I guess another post wouldn’t be out of place, what do you think? And since you guys like my posts so much, I will just go ahead and do it, what say? 😛

    Mail follows. 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      oh I agree..but personally I feel that when you give a child an explanation on why you are taking a certain action, they just get it better..

      For example if I am not letting her eat an extra chocolate, I would rather tell her that its not good for her health and may trigger her asthma, instead of just telling her, I am your Amma, and you better listen to me 🙂

      Oh you should write another post…you have a way with words which few have 🙂

  31. NBose says:

    Kudos to u on making R say sorry to that other girl…these incidents actually solidify the foundation of a kid’s personality and she would remember it life long ……and might be blogging about it even 😛
    This topic of parenting had always been quite sensitive for me…..I have seen my grown up cousins wear only what her mom buys for her, and now as she is newly married, her mom even continues her advice session over phone for hours about every minute details of married life!!!

    I penned my take on this subject here
    http://nibedita-bose.blogspot.in/2012/06/parenting-letting-go.html

    Even loved scribby’s post…sometimes parents really spoil the kid’s personality by being over protective or fulfilling all their wishes 😦

  32. chipmunk2890 says:

    i can say one thing for sure 🙂 R is lucky 🙂 I am happy for her 🙂 🙂 incredible mom u r 😛

  33. roshniaamom says:

    This is a wonderful post and so very true to what I believe too! “I will never agree that your children have to ‘pay’ you back for your sacrifices”. Exactly! I don’t know why some parents feel that they have done a big favor to their child by giving birth to them etc! It was your decision to have children!
    Nibedita pointed me to your article after she read my piece here: http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2013/03/other-peoples-kids.html! Please do read it if you get a chance!

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