Dear RM

There are two things you need to work on if you want to happy in life

1. Not to open your mouth
2. Close your heart

Seriously, if you can achieve these two, you will be very successful.

You always seem to talk the wrong things at the wrong time..why, why, why…
Remember in the meeting the other day..some women’s collaboration and someone started talking about men women interaction..the meet was between 11.30 to 12.30..till 12.25 you shut up like a good girl, not opening your mouth..I was proud of you…..until the men women interaction thing came up and someone mentioned about men and women not interacting in the office..You HAD to open your big mouth.and talk nonsense (thats as per me!) about how this office doesn’t seem to have a very open forum…and despite of you apologising to all saying  you may be wrong but you think its in the work culture, I think you were plain stupid just trying to attract attention..as soon as you stated the word work culture, ladies jumped on you ..it depends on the individual and all that…they basically stated that it depends on the individual whether they care about what others say..you agreed to them you should have shut up  na…but you wouldnt will you?

…you had to continue maintaining this office has a man woman interaction problem as compared to other companies you have worked in..thats it, who asked you to open your mouth….people asked you to open up your outlook and broaden yourself…I mean which fool tells the senior management and all the women who have been in the company for over 20 years that their work culture doesnt encourage men women interaction..no seriously…so what if the lady talked about being the only woman in engineering college and you started some nonsense of it being in our culture especially in small towns where female male interaction is discouraged..please RM,you are in Bombay so just follow the ‘culture’ there…, couldnt you have just SHUT UP!!

or remember the time when NO ONE asked you for a safety issue and yet you had to go and brag about your experiences…I think you are just getting too much..if you learn to just shut up and listen and NOT share your views, you can continue working in this company!!!

You have always managed to open your mouth at the wrong places, tell the wrong things and then sit and repent on it…

so what if no one in the entire room answers the question posed, so what if the question poser seems very becahara wishing someone would answer, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGED to do it..you dont HAVE to be the ONE to do it..do you get it..uff! I am tired of telling this to you every time!!!

And of course about point 2, of course people hurt you..that doesnt mean you keep thinking about it in loop ALL DAY LONG! Stop being such a whiny baby…everyone gets angry, everyone forgets..some people take time, some people forgive immediately…you are not responsible for anyone’s action except yours okie? If someone feels bad, apologise and stop. After that, dont keep thinking and thinking and thinking..it will give you nothing but a bad case of head ache and ulcers..by the time you turn 40, you will have a heart attack at the rate you are feeling ‘bad’ about stuff…I mean when are you going to learn to ignore or not take everything to heart!

I hope you improve

Your’s

Alterego and superiorly smart RM

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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70 Responses to Dear RM

  1. Ouch…foot-in-mouth disease occasionally…? I think quite a few of us have that. I know I do and only later realise I should have just kept my big mouth shut. Hugs RM! Don’t be too hard on yourself. But yes, do try to not think about the negative stuff over and over…as you said, it can have an effect on your health. Take care!!

    • R's Mom says:

      Thanks for the hugs rey..pata nahi, I open my mouth in the most unwanted situation..and then things get twisted into something else and then I end up repenting..all the time 😦 I am just so depressed with my behaviour 😦

  2. The Bride says:

    Why should you apologise before you even state your views and say you could be wrong? Of course, you could be wrong… anybody could be wrong. But yeah, sometimes it is just better to keep your mouth shut. You should work for a Chinese company – when senior management poses a question, everyone (except foreigners like moi) knows they are supposed to smile politely but not answer. Or if one answers, one has to say something that is so neutral it is meaningless.

    • R's Mom says:

      I am a pretty scared person in reality Bride. I dont want to offend others, I think of what the other person may think and overall I am not a very strong personality…if you get what I mean 🙂 thats why the early apology 🙂

      LOL on the Chinese company..you are so cool

  3. Ah, if only all of us would listen to our superior and smarter alterego 🙂 If it is any consolation, know that you are not alone in the boat 🙂

  4. techie2mom says:

    Hugs RM…you reminded me of one of my friends, she too used to speak like this (i admire her for speaking her mind) & then apologize if somebody acts hurt…She is one of the purest person i know, she doesn’t want to hurt anybody but at the same time she is very transparent about her thoughts & feelings…i think it’s a good thing and i try to emulate that…
    And about feeling bad part, you are right about not thinking about it all the time….but it’s not always in our control (not at least in my control)
    All the best for whatever you decide to do 🙂

  5. Amit says:

    Haha! I have this disease too but I have realised that people will not turn all saintly just because you are giving your gyan. Infact they will hate you more. So yes, like you, I am trying my best to shut up as well. And yes, you can always open your mouth on your blog. 🙂 Thank god for small mercies. 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      Yes yes yes…I love that about blogging…I can open my mouth and talk whatever nonsense I want 🙂

      But, I should seriously be developing myself to be more professional 😦

  6. vethal says:

    hmm topic itself is like that . each of us has a view point. its like the working woman-SAHM kind of thing. i dont thing either of u is wrong.I knew a girl in the team who spoke to all the men with ease while me and my friend maintained a distance.the men too behaved differently to her and us.

    i am maintaining A lot of silence in FB of late. something u talk out of passion is taken as bragging etc. ..

    good topic -)

    • R's Mom says:

      Each person has a view rey…I totally agree..but sometimes, I just go overboard and then repent 😦

      Dont even start about FB! I am just so totally out of touch

  7. AaeKay says:

    I have the second problem! Everything people say goes directly to my heart, gets processed infinite times and I end up with a heart-head-ache. Take care and hugs RM!

  8. Chaitali says:

    ur supercool RM it happens re.. take it easy cheers.. a big hug 🙂

  9. Varsh says:

    Well…you said what was right! Being part of a conversation is not a bad thing. It is sad that others chose to reserve their opinions (if they had any that is) while you spoke up. You don’t need to feel bad…people are still confused and stuck up in their mind…they think they’re all broad-minded and modern while their mind still stinks of the rotten old junk. Don’t think about it, its not worth it. Hugs 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      Arey nahi Varsh, I often end up speaking without thinking if you know what I mean..I can be a pretty rude person as well 😦

      thanks for the hugs

  10. Jas says:

    he he… a tricky situation but does shutting your mouth will solve the problem?

    • R's Mom says:

      Well…at least I wont keep thinking on what a fool I have been every time I meet those ladies (which is an average of 10 times a day 😦 )

  11. Seema says:

    Tight warm hugs to the original RM.

    I too tend to do both the things re RM. But I only open my big mouth in front of my loved ones. At times, it hurts them to hear the facts as it is. I cannot sugar coat my words or keep my mouth shut when I don’t agree with something. And then, after blurting out the words, I feel pathetic. But then, life goes on. We are all human beings with our own flaws. It’s absolutely normal.

    And hey you alterego superior RM, stop bugging our darling friend, will ya?

    • R's Mom says:

      Errr…the only people I open my mouth in front of as far as friends and family is concerned is RD, R and my parents..otherwise I am pretty much shut up types 🙂

      In office, I do all these stupid stuff and end up getting all…well…whatever 🙂

      Loved your last line…Muah 🙂

  12. Hee heee
    I can relate to this… I often don’t speak up in public situations, and when I do, I put my foot in my mouth. But then, it is always good to voice your opinions, whatever they might be. 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      I dont know TGND..like I mentioned, then I keep seeing those ladies, then keep remembering what I said and keep getting embrassed 😦

  13. PNA says:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself RM…. Big hugs coming your way:)

  14. lifesong says:

    Hugsss RM. Cheer up 🙂
    Don’t think too much okay.

  15. ashreyamom says:

    arey hugs to you.. dont think of what has already happened re.. just make sure that u dont repeat it. for me such situation always happens with my in-laws… i will not know where to hide myself after that.. . . now cheer up.. ask ur friend to get Sev or ask them to courier brownies..

  16. Dont be so hard on yourself RM.. its okay.. you just voiced out your opinion.. nothing wrong.. management might not like it, but there is no need to be feeling so bad of yourself.. your last line scares me.. headaches, ulcers and heart attacjks.. please RM.. take care and you would just be fine 🙂

    hugs to you…

  17. Smita says:

    Uh!!! So on fokat ki guilt trip haan?
    Change for people who matter not for people who do not even bother to respect your opinion. Always express your opinion, what if people disagree with it, it is their loss not yours and frankly it is always better to say what you have in your mind than thinking later “if only I had said this”.
    As far aspart 2 is concerned, sigh! been there done that and now I have stopped expecting!!! I do my part and forget it! There are better things to do in life than to mop in depression!
    Cheer up 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      Well…abhi fokat or not, I guess the blog is the best way to vent it out 🙂

      There are better things to do in life than to mop in depression – you my darling, should become a baba and earn loads of money 🙂

  18. Deeps says:

    Hahaha! You know on days when you run the risk of suffering from foot-in-mouth disease, the best remedy is to head straight to your blog and vent all that you want to! It works, really! 😀

  19. Hugs, RM. I do both of these too. The second one more than the first. Not knowing how to tune-out! 😦 I wish we were programmed automatically with an ‘ignore’ button on our heads. Life would have been much much simpler!

  20. Nithvin says:

    ‘you are not responsible for anyone’s action except yours okie? If someone feels bad, apologise and stop. After that, dont keep thinking and thinking and thinking..it will give you nothing but a bad case of head ache and ulcers..by the time you turn 40, you will have a heart attack at the rate you are feeling ‘bad’ about stuff…I mean when are you going to learn to ignore or not take everything to heart!’-Exactly my thoughts too RM!! and I just don’t know when I am going to stop taking things to heart as V keeps telling me..both of us are in the same boat on this ..Hugs RM

  21. C’mon RM ! You are so cool because you have the nicety to apologize and think of others and yet go ahead and make a viewpoint. We need viewpoints RM. We need them beyond emails, blogs and everything. That’s how we will cause a change right? Being wrong is one step to being right (if the person is smart). If you truly believe in something, no matter the minority, it is only fair you represent the hidden voices by speaking up.
    I have asked questions, said things that I felt about. If people disagree, it is their viewpoint. I think words inspire when truly felt.
    Psst. Ofcourse wording it meticulously and smartly helps a big deal. Silence doesn’t.
    And yes, am so proud of you for standing up to what you said 🙂 and c’mon, let the alterego go for a vacation – seems to need one ! 😛

    Hugs ! 🙂

  22. You don’t call it democracy for nothing.
    One can be sorry about the views hurting others but can’t be sorry about expressing views to begin with.

    Grow another layer of skin re 🙂

  23. My Era says:

    Tight hugs to our original RM 😀
    To be very honest RM I too have worked for employees like the ones The Bride mentioned where they expect you to be disciplined enough to give a courteous smile but keep your mouth shut. The outcome of that kind of an atmosphere is nobody raises their concerns or shares their valuable experiences and the organization either stays stagnant or goes downhill (performance wise) because all the burden of the prosperity of the organization and it’s employees lies at the efficiency of the head of the management.

    The pent up unspoken issues become too much to handle for a person like me and work becomes a burden, something where we are just for the sake of being there but we don’t enjoy for there is no participation on our part.

    So don’t bother about what people think about your opinion, you said what you felt and have experienced, no issues or harm intended. Besides, you’ve been sweet enough to have apologized so that further seals any loose ends.

    As far #2 I am with you, though I have been trying to change that, but nothing has worked till date 😥
    Hugs RM….hope you are feeling better by now 🙂

    • R's Mom says:

      Yep…I love this about the blog when you vent out your feelings and you know people are kind enough to care and reply back telling you whats right and what wrong..thank you for your comment…definitely feeling better after it 🙂

  24. Sumana says:

    Lol thoroughly understand you RM. Happens many a times. It’s ok. It is not good to be quite and nodding yes all the time.

  25. summerscript says:

    Respected Alterego and superiorly smart RM Ji,
    Please pass on those pearls of wisdom to this Stupid SS too! Esp point 2. Make her write the last para atleast 1000 times !!!!

    By,
    Alterego (mostly ignored) SS !!!

  26. Ashwathy says:

    Dear Superiorly smart Alterego (or whatever other bakwas you are called),

    LAY OFF!!! RM is like my sis….and it is my duty to routinely scold her, teach her good things, and tell her where she is going wrong. That’s none of your business though! She has her foot in her mouth sometimes, she makes mistakes, she is a blabber mouth. And this only makes her human. I suppose you expect her to be perfect? Sorry normal human beings are not programmed for that, and definitely not all the time, if at all for once in a blue moon.

    If you cannot take it, get the hell out of there. Don’t try to act smart…you look more like a jackass. What do you think of yourself huh?! Any more attacks on RM and I shall personally come there and slap the shit out of you! 😡

    Now please for heaven’s sake, shut your moronic mouth and sit in one corner. You would be doing us a great favour. Let RM come back with her normal posts….and for heaven’s sake, let her be herself. That’s what make her so lovable. You have no idea, but I do.

    Now go take a hike and scram!!

    Yours sincerely and firmly,
    Someone who has a lot more authority on RM than you do!

    • R's Mom says:

      hahaha! did I mention you are a sweetheart..thanks thanks..the alterego got so scared that she refuses to even come out to respond to your comment 🙂

  27. Shweta says:

    One of my teachers in school, always used to say – “Its always better to ask a Question and SEEM Foolish rather than not ask and BE Foolish” and I so agree with her… Even the Tata Sky ads say it these.. poochne mein kya harz hai 🙂 U never know 😉

    Besides, I would never want you to close your heart.. 99.9999% people think through their hearts and then give logic with the help of their brains to justify it, no matter what a choice is – a Yes or a No.. one can justify both *You must know it pretty well*

    And there is nothing wrong in thinking of over and over when we are hurt.. After all we did get hurt.. it is painful.. we are not super humans or God.. or Daily Soap Bahus.. who will keep smiling even when people are trashing on to us..

    There is a saying – Forgive but don’t forget, but for me it hasn’t been either.. If someone close to me hurt me badly, I never Forget and I haven’t so far forgiven.. And I am not guilty for the same.. that person should be guilty.. he/she hurt me not I..

    *you are not responsible for anyone’s action except yours okie? If someone feels bad, apologise and stop.* – If this makes u feel better… Go ahead.. do it.. and then go on a beach.. feel the sand beneath ur feet… hear the Sea… feel the breeze and ENJOY LIFE.. !!

    Love and Hugs 😀

    • R's Mom says:

      “Its always better to ask a Question and SEEM Foolish rather than not ask and BE Foolish – Perfectly said..thank you 🙂

      Thanks thanks thanks for the lovely comment..I loved it and felt so much better after reading it 🙂

  28. anisnest says:

    tight hugs RM.. you are not alone.. I am not saying I am all good now but I learned these lessons in a very very hard way and comparatively I have come a lonnnng way…
    hugs again RM..

  29. journomuseed says:

    I suffer from Foot-in-Mouth syndrome regularly, so I’m an expert at checking for the disease in others. You my dear girl, don’t have foot-in-mouth, but heart-in-the-right-place disease..You believe you need to speak up for what you think is right and fair and this letter of rebuke to RM from the alter-RM needs to be completely torn into shreds. Be what you are and don’t change. No use adhering to the herd mentality or closing your eyes to pretend its night!!!

    • R's Mom says:

      Awwww! thanks thanks Journomuseed..between you and Ashwathy you have managed to scare away the Alterego who refuses to come out to even reply to comments now 🙂

  30. hitchy says:

    I kinda dont like keeping your views in… ! In office my bosses used to dread me… I would speak my mind and keep things very open and naked… it used to upset a lot of people… but I believe in calling a spade a spade… ! especially when loved ones are not involved… !

    I would rip off emails and blast my bosses in a meeting everything I didnt agree…

    You know I used to work in Insurance… and in one meeting whilst I was not present my boss got all my colleagues to agree that if a certain task was not completed the ones who didnt complete would come dressed in formals on a saturday… I got the message on saturday morning that all those who didnt achieve a particular target on friday would dress formally as decided.. I was not aware… I blasted my boss on the phone right away then I reached his cabin in office and and asked him to put the same condition on email so that even the HR could agree… and also gave him a proposal that he keep another target for monday and all those who do not achieve the target come dressed in their underwears… if that was a way of achieving targets than I give horse shit to this strategy !!! slammed his door and walked out of office… !

    Till date my boss always tells me tu sala meetings mein faltu nana patekar ban jaata hai… but that is how I believe we should be… whatever disagreements I believed in saying them loud and clear and make them apparent !

  31. Scribby says:

    first things first : lol @ Alterego and superiorly smart RM 😉

    oh c’mon babe..God has given us mouth to speak and if the takers are non intelligent types too bad for them for not taking in your advice or nuggets in the right manner 🙂 you just chill !

    I love you and whatever you talk!

  32. Mathangi Vijay says:

    Hey RM, this post has come at the right moment for me.. Things are really bad at work, with issues, politics among the team and etc etc. The entire team was not happy about the environment and functioning and wanted someone to take it up. Me being me, spoke first and the entire responsibility was put on my head. Fine, after all the headache I took up for supporting these people, and raising it to my management, others do not even attend the meetings and add on to what I am fighting for (Remember I initially started it for others!!)
    I am really feeling low, and feeling hurt about everyone’s behavior. My husband keeps telling me that I should not think too much about it and if I feel I do not get support from everyone, I should stop helping them out thats all!! But its not that easy for me..
    This post serves as a good reminder for me.. Yes I will try to keep my mouth shut i precarious scenarios next time and this time, I going to forget what happened and stop feeling hurt and stupid about it..

    • R's Mom says:

      no no no Mathangi…you dont feel bad at all…read all the comments..we have to speak up okay?? you did the right thing..dont get upset..big hugs all the way to you 🙂

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