Some (Un) Holi Thoughts!

Errr…Happy Holi! and Happy Women’s Day!!! and Happy Birthday!! (What my cousin K was born yesterday!) Belated though!

anyways, after all the various happ(y)ing..lemme tell you that yesterday’s holi was total FUN!! R and I…we played like holigans..well…lets just say RM played like a holigan while R was standing a side with a bit of colour on her face looking at me playing like a holigan…

My face and hands are still red and so is my feet and my new sexy sandals from Ahm..I mean for someone who has feet which can put a combination of duck and elephant to shame, I searched and searched and searched and found the perfect pair of non-heel sandals in Ahm and bought them and wore them to office EVERYDAY and then this happens...I mean which fool wears new lovely sexy sandals to play holi..bolo bolo? RM!!!

Anyways I digress.

So we had fun. We went down at about 9ish..played with the baacha party and showed off on who has more colour in the hair etc etc and then had a breakfast of fafda and jalebi and then came up…before that I of course being the super efficient hunger crazy mother had made methi na theplas, sweet potato subji and raw tomato chutney..so lunch was ready..

I gave R a bath..washed her hair and then sent her off to my neighbour’s house so that I could have a bath in peace..did I mention what WONDERFUL neighbours I have..they dont play holi but she had no issues keeping R for about an hour :):) Muah to her ๐Ÿ™‚

So I tried to take the colour off my face and hands but they are pretty persistent…and imagine we used herbal colours!! are they really herbal? think not!

Had lunch and went to snoozeland..

and then comes the real point of this post. So we had dinner in the building terrace. We all were given coupons so that there is no confusion.

Before that let me tell you that we have a model/TV actress who stays in our building. I have seen her only once when her labrador snatched away the ball my dad got from Germany for R when R was about 1 year old and tore it into such small pieces that we couldnt even collect it. No! I am not blaming the dog here. He thought it was fun. Unfortunately it left a scare so bad on R that she is still scared of dogs. Anyways she walked up to me and looked at me and told me then ‘Well, I can pay for that ball..lemme know how much?’ I was furious but me being the polite one always *Rolls eyes* told her its okie ..the dog didnt k now and just left it to that! I mean you cant replace a Grandpa’s love with money can you.

Anyways so she has two maids she has imported from her hometown who take care of her dogs. One of them is pretty young must be like 12 or 13 who goes to the local municipal school here while the other one who is older may be 20ish takes care of the dogs.

So our society had requested her not to send the maids for the party, mainly because its only for family members. Then other people who had maids may start sending their maids and drivers and that isnt something that the committee wanted to encourage. Or they said ‘you attend yourself and pay the extra amount for both the maids’ She protested saying that they are like family. Committee said ‘Agreed but then there are other people whose maids are like family as well. Then how can we include them as well, it will snowball into something else’

Of course, I must state here that she NEVER attends any party of course because well..I dont know..why she doesnt attend!

Anyways so yesterday she sent her maids again. Our committee was furious. Obviously you cant ask them to leave when the younger one plays with the children of the society and is a school going kid. I mean you cant just ask them to leave eh.

Now my dilemma is – I dont mind them coming honestly. but what our committee says is also true..then everyone will start sending their maids…..

One part of me says ‘true…its difficult to manage so many people’

Other part of me says ‘Whats wrong if she is not coming, but sending her maids’

My thoughts say ‘let the maids come, but you pay for them extra because the society rules clearly state that party can be attended only by family members everyone else is extra.’

But again, what if the model considers the maids as her family?

I dont know its pretty confusing eh?

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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47 Responses to Some (Un) Holi Thoughts!

  1. anisnest says:

    me first? me first?

  2. Happy Holi and Women’s day to you RM, looks like you and R had so much fun..well reg maid I think its confusing as you say.. good part of you posting at 6AM in the morning is I can read you before I leave office..Umma to that..

  3. anisnest says:

    Err belated happy holi RM.. Pardon my ignorance about holi.. one of the reason is being brought up only in south India ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Looks like you had a gala time.. RD would have missed the fun right?

    Coming to the maids attending party issue I feel the committee should make arrangements for maids to attend as well otherwise imagine their mental state sitting inside the home when the whole apartment complex is having fun outside? Its not fair na.. What if every house has 5 people instead of 3 or 4? then too the crowd will be more. but in that case they will accommodate right? So without second thoughts the committee should just consider that instead of 3 or 4 people the family has 5 people. At least they should allow maids who live in the same apartment.. If I am there I will definitely take the maid with me by paying extra. I am not talking for the model here. I am talking for the maids. From the model’s perspective she should have obeyed committee rules and paid for the maids. Pardon me if I had said anything wrong.

    • R's Mom says:

      RD is not much of a Holi Guy…its only me ๐Ÿ™‚

      True I agree that the committee should make arrangements! I think the problem was that the model herself was not attending and just sending the maids..which irked the committee

  4. RS says:

    Happy Holi RM.
    whats up..coming to work so early…and no stories about how you caught that BEST bus??
    Maid issue..dont know. i think she should have paid extra if it was stated by the committee.

  5. I am left with the same dilemma too.. But what I feel is, when the model is not attending and if she considers them her family, I think the committee should just let it be and allow them – but they got furious

    And this model could have done her part better by paying for both of them.. After all, money shouldn’t be a problem for her (I assume as she has 2 maids) but her ego wasn’t agreeing for her to pay additional. Her attitude can be very much seen from how she had reacted to R’s torn ball.. totally wrong!

  6. Archana says:

    RM, whats wrong in paying extra and allowing the maids to eat? On the other hand, just restrict the number of people per family – say only 3 allowed ( and those can include maids and may be even model’s dogs) ๐Ÿ˜›

    I also hate these people who ask the price after destroying something!

  7. The Bride says:

    I have to side with the model here. She may well consider these people her family – which is a good thing no? – so unless the organising committee made a rule defining family as only those with a genetic link, they should be allowed to come as they are residents (and even play with the kids). If such a rule comes about, then other building people might not be able to attend free – like what if two friends are sharing the apartment with only one of them on the lease. Or a familyhas a friend’s child living with them? Or what if the two people are distantly related to the model, then would it be ok? If the concern is too many people, then the committee could offer free coupons to upto four ‘family’ members but again, she would be within the limit but families with four kids wouldn’t.

    I had a similar discussion with my mum the other day. We have a clubhouse with pool, playroom, recreational facilities in our apartment for which you need a special access sticker which you can get from the building management. So many people get one for their helpers mainly so that the helpers can take the kids to the pool, playroom etc but on Sundays some helpers hang out there with their friends. The club keeps putting up notices urging residents not to give their helpers cards etc. and club staff have even asked helpers to leave but they can’t actually force them because anyone with a card can use the facilities with their guests.

    Similarly, in my mum’s building in Bombay, some helpers bring their friends to hang out for a couple of hours and most people aren’t happy.

    My point us that strictly from an equality perspective, you can’t ban someone from using a facility merely because they are a helper (or Indian or Filipino or lower class looking). You might have to change the rules to say, no guests allowed, for example, but that might not suit the other residents. But that’s the right way to do it.

    I suspect that the concern of the part committee is more about not wanting drivers and maids at thier party than about numbers and cost. Same with the clubhouse issue out here, The fact is not that many people will bring their driver/helper and if many want to, why not let them?

    • R's Mom says:

      No I totally have no issues with the maids attending..I can understand your mom’s building’s situation…I dont think its a matter of inequality…because all the kids play with the 12 year old maid..and enjoy it…the problem is that she herself doesnt attend any event and just sends her maids…thats the issue the committee has..and then they have clearly stated maids etc need to be paid extra for..and she didnt even pay for them ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I dont know Bride, I am pretty okie with them attending…just confused I guess ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Nithvin says:

    yeah..this ‘maids attending party’ problem is bit tricky..The actor might consider them to be her family, but they are technically not, right? What she thinks has to followed only inside her house and not imposed on everybody else, especially so when a committee which has its set of rules is involved..maybe your committee should start collecting money per head of the family..she would then have to pay for each of the maids and herself as well.. maybe this would shut her up..

    as you said, it becomes difficult to show the maids the door when they come for the party..

    So liked your play on the word ‘hooligan’..very apt and cute ๐Ÿ™‚

    Belated happy holi to you & R..

  9. I guess there should be a fixed number of people allowed per family beyond that extra. Some families have say seven members, and some just one or two (like this model) then it’s unfair that she has to pay extra while they don’t.

    • R's Mom says:

      Yaa…well the committee had said maids are extra money and she didnt pay..and she didnt come herself….I dont know IHM, I am still a bit confused about this

      • Smitha says:

        I agree with IHM. It makes so much sense to have a fixed number of people per family – that way nobody feels cheated. And again about the model herself not coming – would we have had such an issue if from another family – say a single mother with 2 grown up kids, the mother had not turned up, but sent the children instead?

        All the objections are because the maids are not considered family. I do think that , that is not fair. If the maids interact with everybody anyway, then it shouldn’t be a huge issue, any way, right? That sounds like discrimination to me ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  10. Oh! NOW I know the reason for your absence yesterday. Would’ve messaged you today otherwise.

    I agree with the committee members. In your house, your maids may be treated as family members. But since it is a committee thing, one has to abide by the rules they set. Let the maid and the child come to the party but then she should pay extra for them. That way the other apartment owners who want to send their maids to the party will also think twice before paying up – which is only fair.

  11. Shweta says:

    RM.. Haw.. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    with all this confusion in your head you forgot to tell us what was served in dinner.. i waited and waited but the post ended.. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜›

    As for ur confusion, I agree with *let the maids come, but you pay for them extra because the society rules clearly state that party can be attended only by family members everyone else is extra.*

    Considering someone a family and being one is different even if we don’t want it to..

  12. LOL @ the new sandals getting coloured. Sorry, but couldn’t help.

    Same pinch! I buy my shoes/chappals/sandals from A’bad too. I don’t find many in my size at Bangalore. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ BTW you should try out Chawda and Mochi Ka Joota at Municipal Market at A’bad. They have a special collection for large- and flat-footed people. I usually buy a couple of pairs whenever I visit there and hoard them. ๐Ÿ™‚ They are expensive, but they have good designs compared to the s**ty shoes I am shown everywhere else.

    About the party, it is a tough situation indeed. Why not have a separate party for building inmates and family, and a separate food arrangement for all maids and drivers? I know that is discrimination, but will help keep both inmates and committee members happy/ Possible?

    IN our flat at Ahmedabad, maids and drivers also used to eat and enjoy themselves. They would come to the party after the crowd (families) had finished their meals. The committee used to order food for everyone.

    Happy Holi and happy women’s day (belated) to you!

    • R's Mom says:

      Thanks a ton for the names..Muah to you ๐Ÿ™‚

      Errr…there arent so many people rey..some families have full time maids and honestly I think it would wrong na…its actually discrimination…

  13. Ashwathy says:

    I’m with the society folks for this one.
    “You may consider them as family” is your own personal notion. For the building society, it may not be so. And as rightly stated, they cannot have all the maids and drivers add to the confusion with people sending them under the pretext of “they are family too!”. If they allow one exception, they are answerable for the others as well right?

    Let her pay for her maids if they want to eat from there. It solves the problem right? The maids can eat and surely she can afford to pay. Simple. What’s the issue here? ๐Ÿ™„

  14. Happy Holi to you too RM, and same pinch, I too played like a hooligan this year–actually I was forced to play, the neighbourhood ladies ganged up and dragged me out and poured a bucket of coloured water over my head. Brrr, but then if you can’t beat them, you join them , and so I went along and gave the same treatment to all the remaining ladies ๐Ÿ˜€
    About the maids, well you are right they can’t be just sent back. So the solution would probably be to let them attend if they have come, and then make the actress pay extra for them.

  15. Smitha says:

    Happy Holi and Happy Women’s Day, RM!

    About the restriction on maids, I’m not sure if I find the society’s take very fair. Isn’t it treating them s little like untouchables? I mean, they can cook,clean for us, but are too lowly to celebrate with us.. I don’t know, I find the whole attitude a little sad..

    • R's Mom says:

      no no Smitha, they are not treated as untouchables..all the kids play with them and all that…but the problem is that the model didnt attend herself and just sent the maids and plus the committee had clearly said that all maids have to be paid for extra..and she didnt do it…I dont think its a matter of untouchables..more about following rules

  16. It is not confusing RM. It is very clear. Imagine you brought home a 19 yr old girl who cannot afford studies. She takes care of R when you and RD are at work. She loves R, and R loves her. You love that she is so good with taking care of you all. You take her along on weekend trips and eating out. You send her to evening classes of say tailoring. Then one day, you building decides to celebrate the New Year and asks you not to get the girl along as she is a maid. How would you deal with telling her that she is isolated now? That she doesn’t belong to your society because try as she might, she can only be a second class citizen all her life. That she is not a respectable employee of yours, let alone a family member that you have lead her to believe, but now is only a ‘servant’ class. even if you do manage to ask her not to join you all, and she silently accepts the tag that society has thrust on her, what kind of an example are we setting for the children? Whatever has been going on for centuries would continue, won’t it?

    Lets say that a cousin was visiting and staying with you guys at point of time, wouldn’t you take that cousin along? The invitation should ideally be for *residents*. That way, if a househelp or a driver is staying with you, they get invited too. If they work at your place but do not live there, they don’t get invited. And when I say invited, it is not giving them a secluded table with less fancy things to eat. It is treating them as an equal.

    There is no confusion RM. It is very clear. I too would have broken the rules had I been that ‘model woman’ for the two people I care about and probably love and those who reciprocate the same sentiment. As for the building people, I wouldn’t care if they never spoke to me again if this is the biased attitude they hold. I may not party with them as I might not get along, but if my ‘family’ wants to, I won’t stop them. *I* will not be the person to tell them that they are lower to me in any respect.

    I am sorry if I sound rude or blunt. I don’t want to offend you or say nasty things. I just wanted you to see another side of the matter.

    • R's Mom says:

      No CR, you arent rude…I totally agree to you..

      1. The cousin needed to be paid extra for
      2. The committee had clearly stated in the meeting that all the maids drivers etc needed to be paid extra
      3. The model herself didnt attend and just sent the maids

      Thats why the whole issue…well what you write is perfectly correct ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      I just have one question – Wouldnt you have attended the party as well or would you have just send the maid?

      • There are families with 4, 5 or 6 members. When the committee doesn’t mind them coming for free, why should it worry about 2 resident members coming for free? How much of an overhead can they cause? Had the woman come with her 3 family members and sneaked in 2 maids for free, then yes, she is most certainly wrong. But who is anybody to decide what is a family?

        You said it is about following rules in your reply to Smitha’s comment. But RM, what is the point of following rules that are going against basic human decency? If like IHM said, there was a limit on the number of members from each flat, the rule is fair. But if the rule is to separate people living under the same roof, based on their stature in society, how fair is it?

        By not following rules, I would have pissed off a handful of people. But stood up for the two people I value and love. As an answer to your question, whether I come or not depends on the relationship I share with the people living there. But I don’t see where that woman went wrong. Had I been in her shoes, I would have also given the committee members left, right and center for being unfair.

        • I re-read and I was wrong.
          “Had the woman come with her 3 family members and sneaked in 2 maids for free, then yes, she is most certainly wrong.” she is still not wrong as there is no limit specified on family members right?

          When I was growing up, I went partying with my circle and my friends and hardly ever attended building parties, but my mother did. So what if the model doesn’t want to attend parties but her family wants to? Why is that wrong?

        • R's Mom says:

          yes..totally agreed such rules are actually so stupid na..!! unfortunately majority of the people in the meeting agreed to it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ so guess thats how it is ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      • Smitha says:

        ‘I just have one question โ€“ Wouldnt you have attended the party as well or would you have just send the maid?’ – That depends, doesn’t it, RM? Would this question have come up, if the lady in question sent her children instead of the maids. I am sure nobody would have questioned her absence then. What if she had a genuine reason why she couldn’t come – or what if she just did not want to – surely she has that right, doesn’t she?

  17. Bikram says:

    hmmmm true is she considers them as family then they are entitled, moreover what is family ..

    but if she lives their whats her problem in coming , was the party not good enough for her , thats what I Am mad at, you know a bit of celebrity status goes to the HEAD.. of these people. Give money for the ball My foot .. You shud have replied You can afford buying a new one .. and that they should train their DOG properly .. (sorry if i sound angry) what about the scare it gave R..

    You are too nice i tell you RM..

    and HOLI yayyyyyyyyyyyy to that ๐Ÿ™‚ so when you going to put some pictures then..

  18. After reading this post.. you know what was the first thought in my mind..Gosh!we are going to have so much fun talking!!LOL!
    Happy Holi,sweetie!

  19. Smita says:

    Firstly Belated Happy Holi, W’s Day & Belated birthday wishes too ๐Ÿ™‚ & Thank you (as applicable ;))

    With that done!!!

    I guess the dilemma here is genuine. At one hand we talk about equality and when something like this comes up we get jittery. I guess all this comes from the fact that there are ppl who feel uncomfortable with ppl from lower strata or rather they feel they are being humiliated if they are seen with them. I wouldn’t say that they are correct but then they are not entierly wrong also because sometimes such ppl do behave in a manner which makes us cringe. But then who will teach them manners? us no? Arrggghhh!!! This is so damn confusing no? Solution for me, though I have no issues with maids attending the dinner party (my full time maid & her daugther attended Arnav’s 1st b’day just like anyother memeber & nobody objected to her) but if I am requested to keep them out I would respect the request.

    Pssst! Whats the name of the model?? BBTT!!!

    • R's Mom says:

      Exactly personally I was pretty okie with them attending…Whats wrong afterall ๐Ÿ™‚

      I have no clue I will look down and message whats the model’s name ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. Shalaka says:

    It’s so simple. Never make a distinction between what type of people can attend or not – family, residents, maids, drivers, etc.. why differentiate? Just say in the rules that ” Up to X number of people per apartment can attend for free, pay extra for any additional people”. So if X is 4 – then from each flat, up to 4 people can attend for free. Now whether they are family or maids or cousins – who cares.
    Love your blog btw! :))

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