Disclaimer: this post is a stupid rant…but I had to take it out of my system..please feel free to skip
I call my in laws Amma Appa..and to differentiate right from the start..my parents were called Baroda Amma, Baroda Appa and RD’s parents were called Calcutta Amma, Calcutta Appa and R just calls them Baroda and Calcutta thathas and thathis
anyways, so I call them amma appa and RD calls my parents amma appa
I thought thats how its always done..since I have seen my dad call his mother in law mummy! ( I know what a twist and all eh) and my mom called her mother in law as Amma
but I heard later on that while the wife has to call her in laws as Amma/Appa, the husband can call his in laws – mama/mami (uncle/aunty)
Yeh kahan ka insaaf hai?
I mean, you expect the wife to immediately accept the husband’s parents as her own? but the husband has a choice to call his in laws as uncle/aunty and maintain the distance?
I dont agree to it..not one bit..and trust me, I know people of my generation who do that…the wife calls her in laws amma/appa and the husband calls them mama/ mami…
Does that mean that the son in law doesnt accept his in laws as their own while the daughter in law is expected to? Is this a result of the patriachial society that we are? Is this fair on any girl? Either you call both sets amma/appa or both sets mama/mami…
When I spoke for the first time to my MIL on the phone, I called her mami..because I wasnt even engaged to RD then..but RD told me that ‘she wants you to call her amma’ which I agreed because thats what I had seen my parents do…and I felt it was pretty natural that my parents were called ‘amma/appa’ by RD…
But when I heard people getting surprised that RD was calling my parents amma/appa, I was irritated…why shouldnt he?
Well, while my practical mind says its none of my business really what who calls their in laws……no it isnt (which is why I added a disclaimer in the start) but I had to take it out of my system!
and one more thing…I know in the Tambram community and the Gujju community (not aware of the others) the mother is called ‘tu or tum/ni’ while the father is called as ‘neengal/aap’
WHY WHY WHY?
its stupid right? I have always called both my parents ‘neengal’ because my appa insisted on that..but most of my cousins/friends all call their mothers tu/tum and their fathers aap
RD has this weird way of talking to his amma, he never calls her ‘amma ni (amma tum) he says ‘amma……and continues the sentence’ but the sentence always is spoken in tum/tu terms not in aap terms..of course lemme tell you he is otherwise extremely respectful to Cal Mom..he never is rude or anything..but this way of talking…well!
and I had a fight with him the other day because he said something me in Tamil and R also told that to me in Tamil and I told her to call me neengal instead of nee..he said its okie..she didnt use the word nee na..and I got furious…I was like so what..I should be addressed as aap (am I demanding respect instead of commanding it? I dont know!)
but somehow I will never agree to this differentiation..a mother is as important as a father..and then some people come up with this arguement that you feel closer to your mom and she is like your friend and hence you call her ‘nee’ while your dad is supposed to be treated with respect and hence ‘neengal’ sorry thats stupid and really idiotic..my dad is like my best friend and whatever I tell amma, I tell him..and whatever respect I have for my appa, I have for my amma..then why this differentiation?
and I dont agree to RD’s logic or way of talking by not calling his amma ‘nee’ actually but completely the sentence in terms of ‘nee’ instead of ‘neegal’
Lemme give an example (hypothetical)
RD to his mom: Amma, varai iliya (Amma, you are coming na)
RD to his dad : Appa varel illya (Appa, you are coming na)
same translation in English but varai and varel..he has not used the word ‘nee’ for his amma…he always talks like this (God its difficult to put it down in words..but I hope the people who understand tamil who may read this post will understand what I am trying to say)…thats where the difference is..and thats what led to an arguement between him and me
again, what other children call their mothers is not my business, and I am definitely making a big issue out of, may be, nothing…but then…thats why I blog right…to take it out of the system 🙂