Warning: LONG POST AHEAD
and I am posting on a Saturday…I wanted to finish up with the Chronicles before I forget them 🙂
This post would be in bullet points!
*Oh My God moment of the trip – When I saw the price of the tshirt of ManU which RD wanted me to buy for him
*Just keep the phone down moment of the trip – Well RD just told me to buy stuff from a shop in London and when I looked at the prices (refer above point here), I almost fainted and then I call up RD and tell him and RD is like just buy it RM..and I was well…whatever!
*I want some spice in life moment of the trip – Whenever I ate….the food there is bland, sad and well..pretty much BLAND!! they dont even add enough salt..and this is coming from someone who can actually eat anything veggie anytime!
*Well I am not sophisticated moment of the trip – I went to meet my cousin, his wife, his child and his brother’s wife and they were at the cousin’s wife’s cousin’s house…ya ya..it took me 10 minutes to write down this connection and just for records I have got it right!
anyways so this cousin’s wife’s cousin is a Bong brought up in Canada married to a srilankan brought up in Canada who asked me to stay back for dinner…I was a bit hesitant because eating with a fork and knife is not my cup of tea…(lets not talk
about the tea in London..it gives me jitters) anyways I had to agree..and so I did..and
then the lady made some kind of an exotic salad with green leaves and mangoes and some kuskus or something (which reminded me of our upma) with some pine seeds or something and some stuffed chicken and oh some asparagus…and guess what, I just honestly told them, I cant eat this with a fork and knife..I felt like a fool, but well..better to just announce I am fool instead of acting like one right 😉
*Are you kidding me moment of the trip – ‘Go carefully to XYZ…its going to be crowded in the tube‘…thats what the girl in the office told me when I told her I was going somewhere…and so RM is all set to jump into the train as soon as it come (I was
definitely perplexed at the lack of crowd on the platform but I thought the train would
come crowded like how it comes from Churchgate to Andheri in the evenings) and
boss…these people are crazy if they think London is crowded…anyone from Mumbai ever taken a return train from Malad to Borivali to go back to Churchgate (Basically to get a seat, people board a train at Malad, go all the way upto Borivali and return back to churchgate..dont ask me to explain this more..its just one of those Mumbai things!)..you know how those trains are na…the trains in London didnt even have so much crowd!!! and then these guys never push, shove or even touch each other…*Rolls eyes* and then they actually dont get into a train if there is not enough space to stand 10 meters apart..I am like WTH!!!! and no you dont stand 2 stops before yours to get down….Well no one told me THAT!
*Why am I not a student moment of the trip – So I go somewhere to get something and this guy who is trying to sell me something says’ show me your student ID card, I will give you concession’ so I tell him, I am not a student…
Man:But you look like one..
RM: Well I am not 🙂
Man: oh come on, I will give you 5% discount
Damn! I wish I still had my student ID Card!
*I am a filter kaapi person moment of the trip – So desi people who live in UK, how in God’s name, do you drink the tea and coffee…I am a very very broad minded person, I swear on that. I am actually ready to taste and try new things and ask RD if you dont believe me…but..but ..but can you please boil my tea properly with milk and water and tea leaves in that gas before you give it to me..and why didnt anyone tell me that when you say ‘coffee’ in London, they serve you BLACK coffee..baap rey..I was shocked the first time!! you are supposed to say ‘latte’ apparently!!! bhagwan..my second trip and yet I forgot…
and please remind me the next time I crib about my mom, that I missed her filter kaapi like krazy!
*I want sugar moment of the trip – everytime I ordered ‘latte’ in a coffee shop..how can you NOT add sugar to your coffee I wonder..and I am not even talking about tea here if you can realise that!
*I wish I had guts moment of the trip –
I get into this train to go to my didi’s place..its evening and pretty ‘crowded’ in the
London way…one of the trains is a bit late and the lady who is driving the train
announces, this train is late by 3 minutes and we apologise for the inconvenience…THREE minutes and you call it late I smile to my self..and then I overhear these men talking
Man 1 (M1) : Oh..so there are woman drivers, are there?
M2: no wonder this train is late
M1: yaa…a woman is driving it ..thats why
M2: yaa she must have been too busy preparing herself but she got so carried away that
she didnt leave on time!
I was fuming…I kid not…how could someone pass such a statement… but I didnt open my mouth…I didnt have the guts to 😦
*And so this is pubbing moment of the trip – on friday night…I saw men and women, of all kinds, creeds, castes, sects, countries, religions whatever, outside of hotels actually standing on the road and drinking!!! I am told, this is the actual pub culture…well…pretty nice…I guess
*No, fish is not veg moment of the trip – I tell this to a lady who is trying to sell across some weird looking sandwich which says salamon or something on it!
RM: No..you dont understand I want vegeterian
Lady: yes my darling (in that cute brit accent) this is…its salamon
RM: its not veg
L: Dear, it is…its fish..its not red meat
RM: But fish is NOT VEG
L: I dont think I understand
RM: slowly getting frustrated : Veg, veg, vegetarian..you know how it grows on plants and we pluck it and put it inside the salad and stuff….that vegetarian
RM: Ufff! arey woh veg (now I have gone to Hindi in my frustation to explain to her)
and I look around for support..this guy is looking at me and laughing loudly
Guy: From India?
Guy to Lady: do you have anything vegan
RM: But I am not vegan
Guy to lady: do you have anything vegan with cheese
I give up boss…I seriously give up!!
*I wish I had a camera moment of the trip – Yes, I know, I am brilliant…I went
WITHOUT a camera..and I had this moment when I saw the beautiful English flowers
blooming to their fullest red, whites, pinks, lavenders, blues, yellows and what
not….if LF was there, she would have created an entire album with those!
*I should talk less moment of the trip – I think I blabbered a LOT on the day our
director took us out for dinner including telling him that the trip was pretty much of
no use to me! …well it definitely wasnt the alcohol…because I didnt drink anything!
why why why the hell dont I think before I talk!!
*I want to come back home moment of the trip – When I heard R’s voice on the
phone…pretty crazy na!
*I am not coming back here ever again moment of the trip – I told my boss that…ya I know I am dumb…but what to do…as again, it just slipped out of my mouth before my mind could control the tongue gah!
*I am pretty cool moment of the trip – you know something…I realised this trip that I am pretty cool about public display of affection (I saw men and women kissing in public ekdum bindaas…infact I found it so cute..and my heart went awww! seriously)…I think we are too rigid in India…when you see two people in love and if they want to show their affection, why not? well lets not get into ghar ki izzat and all that…I found it cute…thats alll..and I am pretty cool with girls wearing short skirts and next to nothing…may be because its just normal there…I didnt find any boys staring at the breasts or the legs of the women or do anything derogatory..and trust me towards the end of the week, the temperatures were soaring and the people were dressed in lesser and lesser clothes..and for some reason, it just didnt bother me..infact I loved the way they carry themselves in tiny bits of clothing..so much confidence and with so much poise…I wish I had that in me 🙂
*Italian guys are so hot moment of the trip – So I am standing outside this place
called Pizza Express trying to figure out what is veg and non veg when I am suddenly surrounded by a group of people who are speaking in a beautiful sing song language about 3 girls and 4 boys…
Being Indian obviously, I am a bit extra curious….
RM: What language is that
Girl: looks at me as if I am asking her for her purse or something
RM: Looks down embrassed
Cute Italian Guy (CIG): oh well…she doesnt understand english
RM: Looks at him, blinks and doesnt know what is cuter…him or his accent
RM: What language are you speaking
RM: Its beautiful
CIG: thank you and translates it to the others who all smile at me
CIG: You Asian
RM: Yes, Indian
CIG: you dont look Indian
CIG: Well…we were discussing that pizzas here are so expensive..in Italy we get 20 pizzas at this price
RM: yes I guess London is expensive
CIG: So do you eat pizzas in India
Bear in mind that he is simultaneously translating everything in Italian to his friends
RM: Yes we do…they are pretty popular
CIG: oh are they.
RM: yes but a bit more suitable to Indian taste I think
CIG: oh…well…we think this place is too expensive..
RM: Yes I guess so
CIG: So, are you on work or student
RM: No am on work
CIG: oh okie…
CIG: So do you know of any other place here which will not be so expensive..
RM: Well…I am not too sure..may be further ahead
CIG: oh okie…
RM: okie then
CIG: Oh you are leaving
RM: yes I am…I am with a colleague and I can see him coming..see you and take care
CIG: you too you too..nice meeting you
and then gives me this super killer cute smile! he was so cute 🙂
*I am not dumb thank you, moment of the trip – This is to that officer at the London airport….he must have realised that I am not a very frequent traveller.
Officer: Please put in any liquid in the plastic bag provided to you
RM: no liquids
O: are you sure?
RM: yes I am
O: you shouldnt forget anything, should you?
RM: No, I am sure there is nothing in my bag which is liquid
O: Well, do you want to check
RM: No thank you, I am sure
O: Well, if you are sure
RM: I AM SURE
and then I go further down where they do the proper security check. Unlike India, all
security checks even for women are carried out in the open
O: Remove your bangles (I was wearing the single gold bangle which belonged to my
patty and one steel one from Tarapeet which my mama gave me)
RM: Trying to remove
O: any other jewellery you have
O: are you sure..
RM : Now getting bugged! Yes I am sure
O: okie, walk through the security gate
and so I walk through it…and it beeps loudly…everyone stares at me.A couple of guys
with guns turn towards me ..and I half expect people with guns to put me down
Lady O: there is something on you
LO: hahahaa! arent you funny…do you have anything metallic on you
RM: Wait, I think its my belt
LO: oh, you should have removed it
RM: But my pants will fall
RM: yes seriously, my pants are loose
LO: oh okie then I will need to body check you and proceeds to lay her hands on me when I jerk
LO: is there a problem?
RM: pursing her mouth, no
LO: I think there is a problem..are you hiding something
RM: Closes her mouth and nods her head
LO: Do you have a problem
RM: Bursts out laughing..yes I am ticklish and whenever you frisk me, I get tickled
LO: smiles..okie I will be fast
and then she proceeds to check me..while I try hard not to giggle..gosh it was so so ticklish
But her good humor sure made up for that stupid male O who thought I was some kind of a moron or something!
*I may have been a linguist in my previous birth moment of the trip – I was waiting at the airport while returning and I see this aunty wearing a saree coming to me…you India she asked me…yes aunty and then she started out something in Kannada, I was totally flabbergast and told her I dont know Kannada…but she kept going on in it..and then her husband came and said in broken English ‘we dont English, we Kannada’ and you know what, with reference to context and her facial expressions, I could pretty much understand what she was saying…she was telling me that they are going to Bangalore from Mumbai in the same flight as mine, had come to her son, never been out of Bangalore and thought that London was too far and alien etc etc…I managed to guide them into the aeroplane and when we got off, I managed to lead them to the right belt to get their luggage and stuff!
I obviously didnt understand everything she told me, but I was glad I could be of help
to them 🙂
and then again in the line into the aeroplane, one aunty ahead of me said ‘bathroom is
where’ she was gujarati trying hard to speak english..I tell her..aunty its straight
aage…can I go and come..the plane wont go na…I tell her to go aaramse..it was a
long queue..she gave me her bag, told her husband to keep an eye on me hehehe! and then went…she came back and her husband said ‘I will go too”so I held his bag and then he went too…bhagwan tane baadhu aape said that aunty…and ya ya I got a kindle 🙂
*I wish I was rich moment of the trip – When I saw the kind of books they have for children there…it was superb…I was like a kid in a candy shop when I went to the
book store there…I wanted this and I wanted that and I wanted everything! its just
amazing..finally just got about 5 books for R..that was my bribe to her for letting me
go to London..I know I know, I am sad 😦
*Blush moment of the trip: I am off the aircraft in Mumbai..and then RD calls me saying he is coming to pick me up…no I dont blush at this point okie?
anyways so I get my luggage after like a 100 hours go out and wait for RD and he tells
me he is stuck right outside the airport in a jam..and then after about 10 minutes of
standing and stilling and dancing and walking..I see his car…and then he looks around
and our eyes meet..and I break into a smile and wave and he waves back and I run to get my bag and as I turn I see a woman (may be in her 40s) and her husband look at me and smile…
Woman: that smile..when you saw him…it was so amazing…you look radiant
RM: blushes furiously..yaa..I..err…errr.
Man: husband or boyfriend?
Woman: Aww..arent you both cute?
RM: heheheh 🙂
and stupidly just grin at them as RD comes down and envelopes me in a bear hug and they are like…wow!
See…that is when RM just blushes even more..and then runs into the car leaving RD to struggle with a broken suitcase 😉
I turn around and they wave me goodbye 🙂
And the loot brought back
1. Chocolates for work and R’s daycare and maybe some for the house 🙂
2. A ManU t shirt for RD
3. A ManU keychain for RD
4. two t shirts for R
5. six books for R
6. A formal skirt and blouse for me…and by the way, the damn blouse doesnt even fit me 😦
7. Some stuff for ma to clean the house etc (see my cleaniness disorder is genetic!)
there, this hopefully pretty much covers my whole London trip 🙂