Guilty, Who Me?

Sangi tagged me on this one

According to the tag, I have to

1.Write about 2 instances where you have put yourself before your child/ children… been a wee bit selfish.
2.How did you feel? Did you feel a pang of guilt or were you comfortable?
3.Tag 2 more moms

and then Sangi writes that…
Okay, so motherhood and guilt don’t go together for me.  I wouldn’t even call doing things without kids as selfish.  I am a person too and kids alone can’t define my life, major parts as they are of it.  It would be unfair to me AND them if I were to make them the focal point of my life.

I loved these words..I am going to keep coming back to them everytime I feel guilty…

And trust me Ashwathy rightly pointed out to me in one of my earlier posts that I get too worked up and guilty about R in various aspects..which is true…I  am slowly realising that it doesnt make sense to get guilty and worried about everything in life…R has to be brought up to fight her own battles and treat her life as her own and I cant live her life..or expect her to live it the way I want it to be..I can only be a means of providing the path, not a means to lead her life

Having said that, two instances of selfishness…

hmmm..

1) Often on Saturdays, I leave her at the daycare..I even left her on Monday despite of it being a holiday..mainly because she asks for her daycare, and secondly because it gives me some spare time to clean the house or cook the idli bater or molagapodi…it gives me a bit of a relief as well otherwise when she is at home, she doesnt let me do too much…of course, I do feel guilty about leaving her especially when I spend the day at home (sometimes, saturday mornings are at the banks, etc etc) but I do have the guilt factor there

2)Eating something without her..and I am often guilty of that…you know how you sometimes are totally hungry at work and order one sev puri..then when I am eating it..I imagine R wanting to eat it as well and get a bit guilty which by the way is really stupid because her day care gives such awesome snacks in the evening..that she needs to feel guilty about eating them without me gah!

I suffer from mommy guilt often when she is unwell and I have to leave her and come to work but surprisingly when I went for three weeks to London, I wasnt really affected too much…I mean I didnt have too  much guilt at that time…may be  because RD was with her and so were my inlaws…my MIL treats R like a precious God or something…;)

All in all, I think I take more guilt on daily non-issues than really relevant big ones 🙂

Now to tag other mommies

lemme see

I tag Little Fingers who writes about the adorable Chucky
The Bride whose son Benji is a sweetheart
Smita of the book fame whose son Lil’one just turned one

Sugar and Spice who had the super cute twins Kau and Keer

You girls can spread the tag 🙂

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About R's Mom

Not-so-new-mom
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20 Responses to Guilty, Who Me?

  1. R's Mom says:

    @Garima: Sorry, I saw your comment on the other blog now..basically you dont need to add a website or anything…just your name and email id..the rest can be left blank..and then try submitting the comment…I think that should work

  2. Sangitha says:

    I have left them in day care on Saturday mornings and gone to movies with husband. Thought we would be the only ones getting out at 9 am on a Sat morning for movie, lunch and bookstore browsing until we saw packed movie halls! You are not alone! Ever. Esp. in India! 😀

    Yep, let’s get the guilt out of parenting….then only the fun remains! Great points – now I have to feel guilty for eating their chocolate too?! Nah! 😀

  3. meeta panicker says:

    Hey, why is it that most of the times the guilt factor lies with the mommy and not the “Daddy”. do you think or know if dads feel guilty too

  4. ashreya says:

    even i felt bad that you leave R at day care center on holidays also. but its ok. there is a necessity na.. so, you dont have to feel guilty yar…you only posted that Chetan bagath’s article na.. you dont have to best at everything.. 🙂
    i keep reading in your blog that you go to bank to often. are you not using net banking??

  5. garima says:

    hmm,ok thanks for educating me on the use of wordpress 🙂
    Let me try it ,posting a test comment 🙂
    ~Garima

  6. garima says:

    Oh ok thank you RM for educating me with the use of wordpress 🙂
    Let me try it,posting a test comment (hope such word exists :-))
    ~Garima

  7. R's Mom says:

    @Sangi: only people watching movies at 9 in the morning heheh 🙂

    What you eat their chocolates!!! *guilty arent you ;)*

    @Meeta: Long time 🙂 guess Daddy do have guilt too..lemme ask RD nad get back to you on that

    @Ashreya: we no actually RD uses net banking..but for some reason or other, we need to keep going to the banks as well 😉 dont ask what we do, I am not the financial person fo the family..I just accompany RD, sign where he says and keep mum 😉

    @Garima: yayayayayyayayayayayyayay!! you commented finally..phew!

  8. momofrs says:

    Hey!
    I almost missed your move to WordPress. Was wondering why my reader wasn’t updating with your posts 🙂
    Your mommy guilt points mirror mine!! I have nothing new to add (maybe because of the working-mom angle!)
    Good to know I’m not the only one though 😀

  9. RS says:

    Hey! then i need to feel extra guilty for leaving him in Day care – taking the day off and going to watch movie with hubby.
    I think some things are constant when it comes to being ‘mother’ na? But like Sangi puts it – we NEED to have a life of our own too!

  10. Sreetama says:

    Hi! I’m a regular reader of your blog & am a fan of your writing & R! It’s the first time I;m commenting. I feel that no matter what, you should not feel guilty. You are giving your best to make R a wonderful human being. What more can she ask for? She is now habituated to her daycare and she is comfortable in her schedule.

    My mother had to quit her job post marriage as she was relocating. After my birth, she decided to be a home maker and give me full attention. But I don’t think if she would have pursued her job, she would have done any less for me. I know, at times she really misses her working woman status. She has always told me, never quit your job. It is very important for a woman to have an identity of herself rather than live in the glory of her husband and children. I owe her for the confidence she has instilled in me.

  11. Vidya says:

    Good one.. And only i realized that i was supposed to tag few mommies when i did the post, but totally forgot:) And day-cares are there for a purpose right?:)) So no guilt ‘pheelings’:)

  12. Pepper says:

    This reminds me of how my mum feels guilty eating some of my favourite food at home now because I live so far away and can’t have it when she makes it. Lol. This mommy guilt thing.. I doubt it ever ends…Not even when the kids in question are adults.

    But I am glad you are realising the fact that its not worth feeling guilty about everything 🙂

  13. R's Mom says:

    @Momofrs: Thanks you saw the move 😉 yaa the best part of doing such tags is you know you are not the only one 🙂

    @RS: Errr..even I have done that…went for ZNMD after leaving R at the daycare..but RS..it doesnt make sense to take kids into the cinema halls na…they are too young 🙂

    @Sreetama: Thanks a ton dear 🙂 Hugs to your mom…I think working women who quit their jobs after their kids are great! I dont know whether I will be able to do that ever *Salutes aunty*

    @Vidya: day cares are there for a purpose..true Vidya true 🙂

    @Pepper: your mom STILL has the guilt..hai bhagwan..I thought it went away after the kid got older!!! saw the move 😉

  14. Hey as moms we all feel guilty in some or other way. Will take up this tag sometime soon 🙂

  15. Ashwathy says:

    I truly have no idea why you are feeling guilty for the first two instances. But the final one….where she is unwell and you have to leave her there…ok that I can still understand. And trust me on this one, you are definitely over thinking it.

  16. Pingback: Mommy Guilt | Little Fingers Life

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