Am I Making a Mistake…

by making R sleep at 9 to 9.30 every night?
I usually put her to sleep by 9.30..its like the maximum limit allowed for her…unless its something really special like going out or something..and she gets up by 6..and then sleeps for about 2 hours in the afternoon..which gives her about 11-12 hours of sleep daily.

So, I was talking to a lady in my office who has a 2.5 year old daughter….She says her daughter sleeps at 12 and gets up at 8.30 and then sleeps for about an hour or so in the afternoon

Sleeps at 12? I was shocked…

and whats more shocking..the lady in question sleeps AFTER the daugther sleeps and gets up at 5 every morning to do the household tasks before she leaves for work…I am like how can you function with FIVE hours or sleep…I cant…I just cant…I need my 8 hours or sleep..and seriously sleeping late on a weekend to compensate for a weekday doesnt work for me..I usually get cranky, bugged, irritated etc if I dont sleep for 8 hours…

RD tells me that we may be the only family in Mumbai that goes to sleep at 9.30….most people come back from work at 10 and after that there is dinner, catching up with the kids, etc etc…RD works an earlier shift and hence we both leave early for work…so we come back home by 7 or so..and then its dinner and sleep…

As of now, R doesnt have any homework or anything so ladies in my office mention that it may become difficult for us to sleep by 9.30 but once she starts getting homework, we will need to stay up..which is true of course…I hope that she becomes independent enough to finish her homework at the daycare (Whats wrong in hoping!)

The children in our building are often sitting and chatting playing till about 10.30 in the night down and after that they go home, watch TV, have dinner by 11 and sleep by 12…this is pretty normal…and this is something I cant imagine doing

Even if R has afternoon school three years down the line (class 1 and 2 in the new school is in the afternoon) I dont think I will let her stay awake for so long…

Doesnt ‘Early to bed, early to wise, makes a man/woman healthy, wealthy and wise’ hold true any more?

And dont kids need like about 10 to 12 hours or sleep..

RD says that eventually R will need to adjust to late night sleeping because thats the way Mumbai works…it will be difficult for her to cope up later

I went to one of my didi’s place in London..her 4 year old son goes to sleep at about 7.30 in the night (They have dinner by 7) and then gets up at about 7 the next day morning..he doesnt sleep in the afternoon….and post the child sleeping, didi and jiju spend some quality time together and all that
Which I think is a great thing..of course I cant imagine putting R to sleep at 7.30 (I come home only by 7 to 7.15), but 12 in the night is too late as per me..
Again as RD says she will need to cope up with the Mumbai timings which start early and end late 🙂
So what do you think…should I get R used to the late nights..or just continue with this routine till I can..because I feel thats the best for her!

About R's Mom

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40 Responses to Am I Making a Mistake…

  1. whinymom says:

    you'd be crazy to change her routine from now only… let her be on the same till the need arises. I had set E's max limit till 10:00 pm but thats only possible in winters, in summers we get home by 9:45, dinner is gulped and we hit the bed by 10:30pm! I used to get too worked up about it but then theres not much i can do other then stressing too much… plus i know he sleeps well in the day to complete the 11-12 hours thing you can do is dont stress too much about sleeping early on weekends…its ok, the kids need the break as well…PS: I sleep on E's timings too 😀

  2. Comfy says:

    I think you are doing it the right way. As you said R needs her 12 hours of sleep and since she is getting that, I don't see any point in changing that. She will adapt when she needs to and if she needs to. But till then and till she can get some quality sleep, why keep her up till late?Buzz goes to bed at 8:30 every night which gives D and me time to catch up and just take a deep breath and we personally like it that way.PS: I would sleep by 10:00 even with homework and all the school work till 8th std and never ever had issues.

  3. scribblermom says:

    My sentiments exactly… Fizzles school starts at 8, so she is up by 6 in the morning and has to be in bed by 9.30 or max by 10 and not later… and 2 hours siesta@noon. I agree when RD says that R will have to adjust later in life according to Mumbai's lifestyle… Chill, you aren't alone sailing these waters… Count me in too… And i know of families who follow the same timings as you.Take it easy RM.

  4. Sangi says:

    No you are not making a mistake! Bombay is. These hours are okay for adults (not even all adults!). Kids here go to sleep by 8:30 now, it used to be 8 when they were younger. And it works so well for them and for us. We get to chill out, watch a movie or just read, hang out, listen to music. Parenting needs these breaks for me, everyday! 😀

  5. chandrima says:

    You are doing absolutely the right thing. Don't listen to others. R needs sleep and you too! In all parts of western world children are sent to bed around 7-8 so that children can work better the next day. Tired and cranky child does no good to the society and parent themselves can catch up with each others lives after kids are sent to bed. And that is so important. Once home work starts I am sure R will do some in day care and you can manage the rest with in 9.30-10 pm framework. R will adjust once Bombay needs more time from her. But for now let her have a good night sleep 🙂

  6. RS says:

    RM – You will find one staunch supporter of 9/9.30 pm to bed policy. As they grow obviously there will be homework and projects and that will extend their bed time but right now when they NEED sleep – I think 9pm is really ideal. Just let her be, as she grows her schedules will get adjusted on their own… You wont be able to do much then! And I need my 8hrs too – though I never get it:( and I cant oversleep over weekends too coz the little bugger wakes up at 6!

  7. Uma says:

    I think it is gr8 that R sleeps by 9.30..12 is too late..and the Mumbai pattern need not be followed for kids..(my opinion). You are doing the right thing! kids need to be taught the value of time and have some sane routine..will help them cope better in life later…

  8. Uma says:

    and yes, maybe you might need to change some setting (?) also not gr8 at these things…

  9. R's Mom says:

    @Whinymom: at 9.45 in teh night? so late 😦 but yaa I can understand that gulping down of food and trying to sleep 🙂 and I always sleep with R! I am so tired after getting up at 4.45 everyday and then the work, travel etc..I usually sleep by 9.30 myself..which is why I like this idea of the kid sleeping earlier and we sleeping a bit later..but that never happens..I am so exhausted..that putting her to sleep, I sleep myself :)@Comfy: Buzz sleeps at 8.30 thats really nice..AFter reading all your comments, I am inspired to make R sleep even earlier :)you slept by 10 till class 8 is it…even me actually even now I do it ;)@Scribbermom: hugs hugs hugs..thanks for letting me know that mine is not the only strange family in Mumbai@Sangi: now thats what my dad would have responded…its this Bombay :)Parenting needs breaks..thats so true@Chandrima: thats one problem with R..if she doesnt get enough sleep, she is cranky..guess its genetic :)@RS: Hahahahah! even R gets up at 6 on weekends…its her usual getting up time na..she is yet to understand the concept of sleeping in late on weekends..(Waiting for her to do it..especially after I read it on Starry's post that Dhruv started sleeping in late on weekends) 🙂

  10. R's Mom, you know i always wonder what we did as children that our parents never had such issues. And then I realized, that children today have lots of distractions; fancy music systems, television, video games, some even fool around with cell phones from a young age. We never had these.The biggest excitement was the telephone , and there were strict rules on that. So really, getting used to a school day sleeping routine was defined by what activities we could and couldnt do. Books were greatly encouraged, and to this day , I often fall asleep with a book slipping from my hand 🙂 . Having said all this, I think if R's mealtimes were strictly enforced, she would automatically get into a decent (indian) sleep routine. Just my 2 paisa worth ….

  11. knowmebetter says:

    Hey there R's mom,Commenting here for the first time, though have been an avid reader for a long long time…..I can sooo totally relate with you in soooo many things, including this dilemma. But I can assure you that R sleeping at 9 will do her a lot of good, I am going through the same thing here with my son's school hours being 8.45 AM to 3.45 PM (he is in Std I) and he goes to the day care after school(has been going for the last 3 yrs+), and believe me, I come home with him at 7ish, he does homework as soon as we are back home, he watches TV for half an hour, we have dinner between 8 and 8.30 and he crashes by 8.45-9 PM. And wakes up around 6.30-6.45…..and trust me, they need that much sleep to survive the looong day hours!! He does not sleep in the afternoon, the school hours being really long (according to me), so there's abs no reason for you to feel guilty about it. Like I said earlier, you are actually doing her a lot of good this way….so let it be :)Deepa

  12. No mistake. each kid is different, each family is different. 🙂 Chill. Let the kid sleep early yaar! U get time to do err.. so many things. 😀

  13. mannbikram says:

    THey did say EARLY TO BED and EARLY TO RISE MAKES A MAN HEALTHY WEALTHY AND WISE 🙂 dont change the routine but 9:30 for me is too early i come home at midnight or later sometimes 🙂 and as you mentioned you want to spend some time with huby dear tooo 🙂 all the bestBikram's

  14. Anonymous says:

    You so so so wrote my mind. Here, Sonny boy constantly cribs that everybody goes for movies and has parties at night, whereas he's got to go to sleep by 9.30… (that his eyelids droop by 9 is a diff matter entirely:-D) Leave alone son, even parents eyes droop after 10.30 on a normal day. 😀 JLT

  15. Anonymous says:

    Its amazing that you maintain such a life style even in Mumbai. When we stayed there, we usually would sleep by 10 – 10:30. Time used to fly so fast over there.May be because we had so many relatives staying nearby and the constant visits. But here in KL, we finish off dinner early and try to stick to an early schedule.Please maintain the same style till you can. It reminded me of a party we had on a weekend. The host had invited an American family as well. The routine usually was that the invitation would read 7:30, guests would start coming by at 8-8:30 and the party would start at 9:00 with dinner served at 10:00 or even later. The poor american kids could take it no more and slept off on the table. I was conversing with the mom and she said that the kids are used to sleeping at 5:30 !!! 10 must be late midnight for them.RS

  16. Rima Kaur says:

    R's mom, i am almost 22 years old.i have my dinner at 07.30 pm, go to sleep at 10.30 pm and get up in the morning at 5.30 am. however, all through my teens, i didn't listen to my parents and slept very late and got up in the afternoon (during vacations). enjoy these moments while you can!!

  17. R's Mom says:

    @Uma: Great you agree to what I say…err…lemme ask RD if he has any idea on that comment thing@Suranga-ji: As of now (R is 3) R has no such TV (she doesnt seem to watch), no playing with cell phones, no video games or I guess its easier for me to put her to sleep..maybe when she is a bit older it may be difficult…Books..yes..its definitely a part of our bedtime routine..she starts with 10, I bring it down to 2 and we settle the bargain at 5 :)@Deepa: thanks for the compliment and welcome here…do comment…its fun to know other mothers comments 🙂 Baap rey 8.45 to 3.45 in class 1 phew! but you give me hope dear after reading this routine thanks for that@Shruti: True very only problem is will she cope up later..but reading all your comments, I am sure I am not doing the wrong thing@Bikram: you come home at midnight! baap rey..I cant imagine that late..@JLT: yes thats another reason..R shows signs of sleepiness after 9..and LOL on the parents bit..even I sleep by 9.30 rey :)@RS: Are you the same RS as above? Phew..confusion! The kids slept at 5.30! Isnt that way too early??? I mean 7.30 or 8 is still understandable..but 5.30?@Rima: you are 22 and get up at 5.30..kidhar hai aapke feet..lemme touch them and get some inspiration!!! lady you rock! *goes away thinking what time RM got up when she was 22 – definitely not 5.30*

  18. Rima Kaur says:

    well i've got into this habit of getting up so early at 05.30 since may last year. i needed to get into shape and joining the gym has got me very organised. 🙂 i was never an early riser, but now i get irritated when i get up late!

  19. Meets says:

    Girl, no mistakes… We do the same thing…son thru thurs – sleep at 9.30 max 10, get up early , on fri -sat night, if we are going out or something then a little late night is allowed for. a child needs a good 11-12 hours sleep and we adults need our sleep too. there is no fun in being up late and having a cranky morning. totally with u on this

  20. R's Mom says:

    @Rima: AND you go to the gym…really aapke feet kahan hai! Sahi girl..I am super impressed@Meets: Thanks a ton 🙂 fun being up late and then having a cranky morning

  21. Vidya says:

    i think each kid is programmed differently. i reach home from work at 7.15. after studies, play, dinner, we hit the bed at 9.30. But the little one sleeps anywhere betw 9.30 and 11.30! early to bed, early to rise is the right way! so, chill:)

  22. Bong Mom says:

    I think 8:30-9:00Pm is the best sleep time for any kid. I agree with the after school work and after school activities as they grow older though. But why does she come home at 7:00PM ? Maybe if she comes back home latest by 6, you can fit in everything and still have enough time to do after school work till 9 ?

  23. dipali says:

    I think your sleep timings are very sensible. I seriously wish I could go to bed by nine p.m or so, but can't because the spouse usually comes after that.(And I have to get up at 5 a.m. to leave for my walk at 5.30 a.m, so I can get quite cranky if I can't nap in the daytime.In any case, a little kid needs good, uninterrupted sleep at night. Stay with what makes you all comfortable, happy and healthy.

  24. weourlife says:

    I think you should continue the same sleep pattern as long as you and R can follow. Why do you have to change something which is working fine. I think we she grows may be 8hrs sleep is enough, now she is just 3 and she needs good amount of sleep for body and brain. I personally feel they should sleep as much at this age, you know as adults we could never sleep as much as we want. Chucky sleeps at 8:30 and wake up at 6:30 and she naps 2hrs at day care gives her 12hr sleep. Weekend we have slightly different schedule as we tend to wake up late and sleep late, but Monday to Friday she follows pretty much same routine. I have offshore calls from 9PM and it goes on till 11PM and by the I sleep its midnight. I wake up at 6 and reach office by 8.Life is crazy these days..I never get enough sleep these days, not because of Chucky , but my crazy work schedules.

  25. The Bride says:

    One more here in support of early sleeping (btw my comment never seems to get posted). My husband and I are the subjet of much amusement here in Hong Kong because we allegedly sleep at 10 pm (when in reality sometimes we sleept at 9.30 also). The average sleeptime for kids here is 12 am, adults even later. I don't think the kids or adults are any better for it, the adults at least look very tired throught the day. As kids, we slept at 9 pm and managed our homework and extracurriculars just fine, even managing a couple of hours playing downstairs every day. I don't know what Mumbai activities happen later at night except partying and rest assured when R wants to party she will keep her eyes open all night if necessary.

  26. venus says:

    Am so proud of you that even with a kid you can maintain such timelines in mumbai! Even i am a morining person and generally sleep max by 10pm , I was successful in maintaining the time even during my 4yrs of college and that too staying in a hostel!!! 😛 was made fun of coz of this habit but bah! i don't care!!! … am sure R is going to be smart like all of us here coz of this habit 😀

  27. Hip Grandma says:

    Lots of comments there but you will see that 3 years from now r will put you guys to sleep. I was joking but 20 years back I did feel that my 1.5 year old niece was staying awake till 10 or 10.30 in the night played with her dad, both messed up the kitchen cutting/eating fruits and other such things much to my sister in law's annoyance. i always believed children would doze off at around 9 in the night but then Mumbai is different to our small town and rules are different. My niece and nephew now a busy schedule now so let R enjoy her sleep as long as she can.

  28. R's Mom says:

    @Vidya: Thats true…every kid is programmed differently…so its still early to bed and early to rise :)@Rima: :P@BongMom: *Bongmom actually commented here, WOW* She comes home at 7 because RD or I pick her up from daycare after work..and the earliest possible is 7 :)@Dipali: I loved your last line…Stay with what makes you all comfortable, happy and healthy – So True@LF: Hugs darling..I hope the crazy work schedule comes to an end soon and you get enough rest…R doesnt really seem to have understood the concept of weekends yet..she keeps getting up at 6 even on week ends…bah!@The Bride: Arey all your comments are there na…I publish them alright 😦 Kids sleep at TWELVE in Hongkong..baap rey…how do they sustain themselves…and LOL on the party life..heheeh 🙂 Dont scare me okie….R is just three :)@Venus:Welcome here and thanks for the compliment@HHG: Three years from now R will be putting me to sleep..LOL on that…but seriously I think that is possible..I get so tired usually that I am sleeping even before she is at times 🙂

  29. The Bride says:

    Dunno… for this post and maybe once previously, I wrote out the comment twice and tried to publish it. It would just disappear aand I would not get the 'your comment will appear later' message. Did you get three almost similar comments from me? Think it's a Blogspot problem, not you 🙂

  30. R's Mom says:

    @The Bride: nahi rey…I got only one comment from you..pata nahi..this blogspot is a pain at times seriously!

  31. Tharini says:

    For what its worth, my two cents. Please stick to the early timings. Its the natural sleep cycle and most of us are pushing our limits beyond that, and hence falling sick. What you have going is good, and there is every reason to hope that it can continue that way even through her school years! Yes, she can finish her homework in daycare and after school. Why not? 🙂

  32. BongMom says:

    R's Mom — don't be so surprised, I read your posts pretty often more so 'coz my youngest is only a little younger than R and I am amazed that R has so much packed in a day and accomplishes so much more than a 3 year old here 😀

  33. R's Mom says:

    @Tharini: Like I told Bongmom, you commented in my space! *Still breathing* I so agree to the pushing the limits and falling sick..I have realised that the lesser I sleep, the more I tend to fall sick!@Bongmom: you do????? *doing a virtual jig* R doesnt do too much actually..she is a lazy bum like her mom 😉

  34. Mama - Mia says:

    i think everyone has their own schedule. till last year when Cub's school was l'il later, he would end up sleeping not before 11. basically till we were that he has to wake up 645am and me by 6, he tends to sleep earlier. he still naps for about 2hrs in the afternoon. dinner by 9 and sleep between 10-1015. and now that Cub and ally have moved to their own room, ally also started sleeping by the same time! :)cheers!

  35. R's Mom says:

    @Mama-Mia: Cub and Bub sleep in their own room! *Wow and bows to both Mama-Mia and Mayank* How did you manage that! I am still struggling to put R into a different bed…I think 10 to 10.15 is a decent time for him to go to sleep…shouldnt be later than that

  36. Mama - Mia says:

    honestly i am quite amazed myself! hehe! i think it was the whole it is your room business. and we got him his own Nilkamal ka almirah which he chose. and plus new school, l'il sister… he feels all grown up i guess! 🙂

  37. R's Mom says:

    @Mama-Mia: hehehehe 🙂 now that is definitely advantage # 2349 of having a second child 🙂

  38. Scribby says:

    almost everyone has said it already…so I'm just voicing it yet again :)I think early to be and early to rise is a good habit..carry on 🙂

  39. R's Mom says:

    @Scribby: shall be followed 🙂

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